Vivian AF

note: AF is a condensed form of my surname and at the same time, It’s how I feel about me this year – I have been Vivian AS (Uncle Efe, can I swear?) FUCK!

And we’re here again!
Happy Birthday to me!

Isn’t He (This Jesus) • The Belonging Co. feat. Natalie Grant

I read my 2013-2017 reviews recently and I want to start this year’s by thanking Efe and the team, for keeping this alive.

2018 was a year of many firsts!
It’s crazy what you can talk yourself out of when you’re scared and into when you’re not.”

The darkness came again this year and guess who went to therapy? Me. It’s so funny how a conversation can reveal so much anger and pain and unforgiveness – unforgiving to others, unforgiving to self and most interestingly, not forgiving God. Deeds buried and uncovered. Truths discovered. Hope recovered.If you’re out there and you’re struggling, talk to a therapist. Is your pastor even trained for this?

There was elevation, increase and expansion this year. Unplanned, unexpected and greatly appreciated. I am so grateful for where I am today. In the midst of this, I almost quit. Many times. ButI stayed. Am I afraid? Am I not ready? Am I being careful? Questions on questions on questions. There was elevation, increase and expansion this year, and with it came uncertainty, confusion and this weird feeling of running on a treadmill – expending energy, but stagnant.The good thing about that, your endurance is building.

I took back responsibility for my happiness this year. My expectation meter is at an all time low, but I’m expecting it to hit zero soon. I am doing and being and living – is this freedom?

I experienced intense love from my friends and family this year. You have no idea how much. I stopped expecting and my loves still showed up. The old and the new matched my intensity and my heart is full, because I have a tribe that stands tall. A Love I can’t deny. I love you all immensely!

Oh, I am grateful for the gifts this year brought. All. I am grateful for the lessons learned. Will I practice what I have been taught? That’s a question for another year.

As always, I’ll end this with the credits!
Father, I’m forever indebted to you.

To my parents, who would have known that we’d be such great friends? Long Distance fit us die!

How did an only child get a family this large? I’ve been blessed with the best!

Adedayo. Ademisola. Funlola. Oyetola. Oyinkansola. Raihanah. Valerie. Yewande.

My sisters. Who said boys make better friends? You have shown me love and for this I am grateful. I love you.

The one for whom music is made. The one whose goal is to fight. The one who makes me beautiful music. My money bag. (My gentlemen, go and marry.) Thank you for being present and for walking with me.

House 114. Still standing. I Stan.

My Beloved, your surplus for my deficit.

To you reading this, may you find fulfillment in your living and your being. There is no greater joy. ❤️


It is hard not to love Sugar Kane. Happy birthday dear. Have a wonderful 2019.


Whatever you think, you are right and we will all be alright. My name is Vivian from 7am to 7pm on weekdays, any other time I don't know. I blog at I also like food. A lot.

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