Trust Me, Love Me

Hello everyone. Today’s Temitope’s birthday. She requested a birthday favour and since that’s what friends do, I decided to make her happy.  She asked me to write about whether it was possible to love someone without trusting them.

I think the answer is yes and no. I wish I had someone to take up the other side of the argument with me but since this is a blog post I have to argue against myself. Sighs.

No. It is not possible to love someone without trusting them. Trust is like sitting on a chair with that relaxed abandon. To love someone means to trust them with your heart. You have to give something when you love and before we humans do that, we have to be sure the recipient of the gift is not going to take our precious gift (heart) and dash it to pieces, or even worse use our vulnerability against us. So refusing to trust me is withholding your heart from me. You don’t love me love me like that (Nigerian English).

I beg to disagree. Yes, it is possible to love someone without trusting them. To trust means to believe in, lean on, cast yourself on someone. The smart person should be able to judge the weight a loved one is able to carry and not put more weight on them than they can bear. Why would you trust a small child with providing your three square meals? Why would you trust your engineer husband with sewing your clothes? Why would you lean your entire soul on a fellow human being? The full weight of the human soul is too great to be laid on any other soul. Please, they are not Jesus Christ. “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

I’m sorry but if you love me as an equal partner you will treat me as you want to be treated. This same Jesus you claim to be serving said to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I’m your lover! Your heart neighbor! We share the same bed, no one could be a better definition of a neighbor. So what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. You are the foolish one if you chose me as an equal partner but are certain I cannot handle your heart or your truth just as well as you do. By lying to me or hiding the truth from me, you do not protect me, you betray me (Harvey Specter, Suits, the series). That’s not loyalty and comradeship, that’s superiority, inherently placing yourself above me and in the position to save me from emotional ruin, without my asking for that matter. Thanks but no thanks. Carry your love to your friends you trust outside.

For the last time, allow me explain why I can’t honestly say I trust you completely, even though I love you completely. To trust you completely is just setting us up for hurt. No one is perfect. Even you do not trust yourself completely so you avoid situations you feel you will not be able to handle. If you can do that for yourself (because you love yourself and do not want to be burned) then let me love you like you love yourself. It’ll be easier to forgive you this way when you mess up. After all, I wasn’t expecting you to be perfect in the first place. Please let’s not make a big issue out of this. It’s what we all do unconsciously. So please allow it.

What do you think? What side of the argument do you support?

“My husband’s not home; he’s away on business,
and he won’t be back for a month.”
(Prov. 7 vs 19-20, The Message)


I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.


  • Timiebix says:

    The message version excites me, it simplifies things. Okay to my argument; I’d say yes and no, err that’s it! Argument done. 😛

    The arm of flesh will fail, man will let you down(man here being male and female o) Love each other completely, trust each other but solely trust God to help you both in your marriage.
    My 50pence

  • 4evaphoenix says:

    “Why would you lean your entire soul on a fellow human being? The full weight of the human soul is too great to be laid on any other soul. Please, they are not Jesus Christ. “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”” -I actually said almost the exact words in one of my blog posts (…Still getting it…). The sense of deja vu I felt reading this eh!

  • it is very possible to love and not trust. I think you have varying levels of trust for different people just like you’d love different people in different ways although both aren’t directly related.
    There are several people whom I love with every fibre of my being but I can’t trust them with something as small as keeping an item safe.
    my level of trust for people depends on the way I perceive them

  • naijawife says: itself, is a form of love. so not trusting someone you think you love means you don’t love them “like that”

  • Ro33ah says:

    “No. It is not possible to love someone without trusting them.”
    That’s my take.
    Sometimes, trust is the second (or 100th, who’s counting ey?) chance a person needs to do the right thing the next time. I love you therefore I want you to be better. How can I say ‘I believe in you’ if i don’t trust you?

  • Love. The conundrum of ages. Its entire concept has evaded the wise. Yet, its like clockwork to a newborn. I agree, its a yes and no argument. Both, with solid backings.. Lol, I think for a wholesome relationship(lover/worker), you cannot love 100% and not trust. And vice versa. But, I cannot categorically say.

  • T3MI3 says:

    I appreciate you doing the post 🙂 Liked that you argued with yourself and touched the subject from all angles. I’m chilling in the corner, learning from all the comments as well.

  • Femi says:

    Well, love without trust isnt complete. That U trust sb means that U help them, such that they are able to ‘overcome’ every situation/circumstance that wld tend to betray ur trust.

  • Aarinolaoluwa says:

    ”To love someone means to trust them with your heart.” THE END.

  • 2-way argument & there’s no right or wrong in this. But I’l say YES, you can love without trust.
    I love my being (at least I’m 100% sure of that) but can I trust myself to act wisely in certain situations especially when emotions are involved? Not really.

  • seunodukoya says:

    It depends on what ‘love’ you’re talking about – and yes; there are several kinds as there are several levels to feeling. Yup.

    People fulfill varied needs in other people’s lives and as such are given different levels of responsibility – and by extension, different levels of trust. So there.

    • highlandblue says:

      LOL don’t run away so fast. Here we’re being specific to your partner. This is not just a “people.” How much trust are you willing to give your special someone and why?

      • seunodukoya says:

        Hehehehehehehe! Run away Ke?

        Partner? Well, I’m old school like that, meaning I intend to take every line of that ‘with my ….. I thee love, with my body I thee honor’ as serious as possible. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, I don’t believe in half-measures. Sorry.

        To answer you, how much trust am I willing to give the one I’m to share EVERYTHING with? As much trust as I have.If I cannot trust them, nothing can work. How can we even be in the same house?

        Of course it has to be earned. That’s why there’s something known as courtship.

  • Jk_McDazzles says:

    Well, in previous times, i’d have said there’s no way you can love someone completely without trusting them..
    But these days, lol, i’d just say, that man is human and forgiveness is the ultimate. Thus I’d love my partner and trust him with information and all that but to get a pretty housegirl wearing bum shorts in my house is not trust. That would be daft! To leave him to remember to submit his application before deadline (while he’s knee deep in work), without a nudge is not trust. It is carelessness..
    End of.

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