The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Fifteen

I’m ending the year much as I began it, with the profound realization that when it comes right down to it, “life na per head”.

It wasn’t one of those years where I could get away with telling myself “well you’re young” because it turns out that while I wasn’t looking, I actually grew older.

More than anything else, 2015 has broken me down in more ways than one. I struggled with moods all through the year, periods where my indifference was so intense I couldn’t care any less.

My legendary self doubt returned and with it went my belief in my writing ability. I think I quit writing this year- I’m not sure yet.

I lost my biggest supporter this year, my lovely lovely grandmother.

Two weeks before she died, I told a friend I wouldn’t know what to do If I lost her. Death, with her cruel sense of humor, snatched her away a few weeks later.

To be fair, it hasn’t been all bad news.

I fell in love this year, but it sure looks like I’m firmly on my way to messing it up.

I’ve made considerable progress in my career path and hopefully 2016 will be better.

I’ve struggled with discipline this year, and I’m learning that simply wanting to be a better person doesn’t quite do the trick You have to put in work.

There were years I was confident amidst adversity but 2015 seems to have beat me to a pulp.

“I’ve been bent and broken, but hopefully into a better shape”.

My friends have ensured that I stayed sane this year, constantly refusing to let me sink into the doldrums. No one should be a loner, even if people don’t understand you, knowing they care really helps.

Much of the high points of my year have been the successes of my friends, Eze, Dayo…people I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I’m entering 2016 with cautious optimism, hoping that all the bruising I took in2015 was for a purpose.

And in the common Nigerian parlance, E go better.

====================

My broda. E go better! Thank you so much for this entry.

###############

The year 2015 was uninspiring in a number of ways. Perhaps the greatest indicator of how uninspiring it was was how it took two tries to write this review.

I began the year with high hopes, I had that “this year is my year” vibe going all through January.

Suffice to say, that didn’t last very long. I lost much of my optimism this year, and I struggled endlessly with moods and bouts of indifference.

I couldn’t find my usual determination, my never-say-die spirit was lost at sea. So the year became a blur, I was content to just sit there and watch life happen.

I finished my novel this year and despite three of the best critics I know assuring me it was great, I couldn’t find the motivation to attempt to get it published.

I eventually sent a half-hearted query that got accepted and it was enough to give some sort of validation to this writing thing. Writing is often a thankless endeavor, riddled with self-doubt for me and the thought of if I’m good enough to keep doing it.

The literary agent hasn’t gotten back to me by the way….

I’ve struggled with discipline this year and I’ve realized that simply wanting to be a good person isn’t enough. I even joined a gym and I was pleasantly surprised to find that although I’m stick thin, my endurance is insane.

We often say life isn’t fair, but we forget to balance the narrative by saying that sometimes life drops things we don’t deserve in our platter.

I’ve had career advancement this year which I pretty much didn’t work for. It has helped ensure that I’ve stopped that vicious cycle of borrowing that I did in the first quarter of 2015.

See that “start a business” message a lot of folks preach? Let’s just say before you invest money in any venture, ask the money who’ve been there, and then tell yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?”

So yeah, I learnt a bit from a venture that didn’t pan out.

There was a substitution in my life this year, one I didn’t see happening. I lost my grandmother on October 10. She was my biggest supporter, my rock, my paddy paddy.

I cried, a lot. Let me tell you, nothing prepares you for pain. Nothing.

I fell in love this year with a woman who is so stubborn and so supportive. I love you S.

Am I cynical, Cautiously optimistic about 2016? Hell yes!

However, here’s what I know, God brought me this far, he won’t let me go. And for letting me have another supportive woman in place of the one I lost, I’m thankful.

I love you grandma, I miss you. Christmas is not the same without you.

I’ll end my review with the same words from my 2014 review.

For those who earnestly and honestly strive, may your dreams come true.

*********************

Amen brother. I posted the two versions you sent me because both of them are true. Dear readers, what do you think? Which version of Muyiwa’s 2015 resonated with you more? The first or the second?

3 Comments

Tobi says:

December 31, 2015 at 1:41 pm

I like the 2nd one, it resonatesd more with me..
Sorry about your grandma Muyiwa! !! And thank God for S.. don’t mess it up sha (referring to the 1st review, lol!)
But hey.. hold on to that optimism.. God brought you this far, He won’t let you go… He’s not a quitter…
Happy new year!!!!!

Clarion says:

January 1, 2016 at 2:23 pm

I got a little confused at the two reviews. Had to scroll back up to be sure I wasn’t on another page somehow, lol. Both reviews are basically same, but the second one had just that touch of optimism. So, I’m with the second. Cheers to a better 2016, E go definitely better!

. says:

June 24, 2016 at 7:45 pm

First…second has a touch of hope but still. Maybe sometimes we need to be hopeless to learn how to hope. That is absolute rubbish but sometimes rubbish sounds right.:D What’s the name of the novel.