Have you ever returned to your Twitter timeline after taking a short break to attend to pressing matters in life (such as sleeping) only to find the place in flames? Have you found yourself scrolling from timeline to timeline, trying to trace the source of the inferno? Well, look no further. The Sauce is here for you, bringing you the main dishes (and a few side meals) of the week from the Twitter buffet.
What a week it has been. Politics, entertainment and a large helping of pure nonsense are the highlights of the week that was on Nigerian Twitter. Here’s the meat of what went down:
The Philosophy of Depth:
Rihanna served us this week with two videos of her single, Work featuring Drake, and Twitter was agog with adoration. The hype machine was working overtime when this bombshell landed on the timeline.
Now, this Echecrates is the one who’s brought us gems like these in the past.
Fast-forward to that fateful Rihanna day, the foot-in-mouth syndrome raged on.
We know. We know.
First, people were all:
And then, they had to scroll back because one does not simply ignore such ignorance.
All possible feelings were caught.
Here, we have disbelief and disgust:
Saints amongst us tried rational discourse:
Cautious friends offered friendly advice:
No matter what, there was always more disbelief and disgust:
As we tried to hold hands and move on as a group, shit got even more real.
Back up. Remember when Sugabelly revealed this shocking story and Echecrates was the voice solidly behind her? How they’re generally thought to be five and six? Well, for reasons unknown to the Twitter masses, things seem to have changed dramatically.
Meanwhile, Echecrates, like any other blissful ignorant soul, has no apologies.
The Househusband Imbalance:
You. Better. Work. Girl.
So, OJ is killing it. Looking increasingly bae as the days go by. People couldn’t help but notice how decidedly not increasingly bae Mr. O looks in this photo.
Needless to say, Twitter had opinions.
Some seemed very worried about how meh the husband looked beside all her fierce fleekness.
Others couldn’t give less of a shit.
Like, really couldn’t give less of a shit.
Like, really, really couldn’t give less of a shit.
Like, really really really – you get where this is going.
The Girlfriend Allowance:
This recurring argument about whether girlfriends are owed allowance from their SOs never fails to elicit this response from anyone with an actual job and actual problems.
But here we are again. Discussing it. We can’t really say where it all began, but soon, it was a free for all with casualties. Highlights:
Arms were immediately lifted. And by arms, I mean weaponized tweets. Terrifying stuff.
Return shots were attempted but were quickly muffled with the classic clapback.
And there was this side-serving of pure salt that was shamefully delightful:
We don’t know if this freakshow ever ended, and we don’t care. Done.
The Exchange Rate Plummet:
In recent times, the naira to dollar rate has risen astronomically in the parallel market, taking the blood pressure of Nigerians with it. Political magician, Dr. Ifeanyi Ubah appeared on television last Sunday to say, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” and before we knew what was up, the exchange rate dropped like teachers begging a governor for their jobs. Such sorcery.
Twitter gave us some delicious sarcasm(?).
Which Professor Albus The Benevolent DumblUbah took as his due.
The more cautious scrambled to make sure that people were actually joking.
Who can blame them?
The Political Barfight:
Okay, so this one had to be seen to be believed. So many numbered tweets, and we’re sure you don’t have the time. So, quick recap. These two men have political beef. One told the other one to show up and repeat tweeted slurs in person at some bar on Friday night if he had the liver. The other one, to prove he was in full possession of said dubious liver, showed up. Fracas ensued. Man 2 came back to report to the class captains of Twitter.
Twitter class captains were a bit skeptical about the logistics of this allegation.
Man 2 remained adamant .
But the trolling continued in full force.
This online version of Annalise Keating waded into the fray to offer legal services.
One whole billion. Where are they selling this assault and battery?
Meanwhile, Man 1 surfaced some time later to categorically deny all allegations.
The saga continues to unfold.
Stay tuned for your local news, and goodbye!