If 2020 was a perfect year, I should not have started heartbroken and rejected. No really, the way I saw 2020 starting was marrying the LOML, moving away together and living together but I guess it was all in my head because the way that relationship ended had me questioning how good I was with making decisions. I was like ‘So Gbemi, you waited 2 years to get in a relationship only to choose someone who did you like that???’ Omo!! E be things !
Anyway, I think 2020 was THAT year for me. Honestly nothing I had planned for years went as planned because of Covid and everything just turned upside down but it was still THAT year because it taught me to let go, to just not make plans (na me plan pass), to be adventurous and to generally stop worrying. I went into lockdown just recovering from my heartbreak and ready to re-enter the streets, only for them to lock us inside.
I have to say I think I handled lockdown pretty well maybe because I have always been alone but still it was a struggle. Waking up early to maintain my Pre-Covid routine, I would exercise, do some work and tweet. Oh yeah, I started watching Kdrama and I Cooked A LOT of food. I just dey cook up and down!
The aloneness of lockdown didn’t hit me till June. I am someone that thrives on routine that involves leaving the house especially because my job is about meeting people (I work in sales) and waking up with purpose to go to the gym so staying indoors and doing the same thing everyday drove me crazy. I had NEVER felt that alone in my life and I grew up as an only child. I cried everyday through June to July. For lack of a better word, I think I was depressed. I just didn’t want to do anything not even my job or exercise. On a good day, I love my job and I love working out.
See, at the peak of my heartbreak, I’d face the wall at the gym in tears while doing my reps because absolutely nothing was going to make me not go to gym, I will never give anyone that power over me. But COVID won, it broke me. I just felt empty and alone. This aloneness drove me into rekindling relationships that didn’t do me any good in the past but I just needed something. There was the absolute need to not feel so alone, empty and sad. I just wanted to feel something.
Fast forward to August. I had just returned from Lagos after spending a week off with my family and friends and feeling as good as new. (Oh, and about deleting my EX’s number (insert clown face) – there’s a reason you broke up people! The reason is most likely still there, just…move on.) Let me not digress.
My brush with illness came in August. First came the sore throat, I bought strepsils and it got worse. Then the fever came and as a typical Nigerian I bought malaria meds. It only got worse! Ha then I was like ‘DEFINITELY TYPHOID’, no tests…no diagnosis..just vibes. I got typhoid meds which only made me sicker. Worse still, it was a Friday night, my fever was through the roof, and I was all alone at home with my cats. I called a friend who put me on to a doctor.
At this point the cough felt like death, I couldn’t stand upright and every time I tried to breathe it felt like my last because it was so painful. I called every COVID helpline in tears thinking ‘Please don’t let me die. I am alone here’ and the only one that responded told me to drive to the test place to get tested. ‘Uncle please I can’t even stand, you are telling me to drive.’
Eventually, thanks to a friend (ex-situationship) I was put through to a doctor immediately who sent me meds that fixed me. I got tested a few days after and my result came out more than a week after NEGATIVE but I think it was a false negative sha. I have had coughs and fevers in the past but that was different. One particular night I was on the floor begging God not to let me die alone with my cats.
2020 showed me what I wanted and what I needed. I knew I didn’t want to be alone anymore but what I needed was not marriage. I needed to be more social, make more friends, live life fully without necessarily planning, live life without worrying and just LIVE.
In 2020 I had probably my best career year, which still blows my mind because HOW?? I know I am great at my job but to hit such milestones in the middle of a Pandemonium?? I have become more aware of my own power. I am just amazing, I am special and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I cannot do if I tried.
I have become undoubtedly sure that I do not want to be married for a while (I’M SORRY MUMMY). I’d like a partner but I want someone that wants to do adventurous stuff with me and I am going to wait for as long as it takes to find him. I want to be more spontaneous. I don’t want kids till further notice because I want to travel and live in a big new city. I want to live life doing only things I like because time is too short and too precious to do otherwise.
2020 was the reset my life needed.
Lizzie, your positive attitude and your beautiful smiles make what you went through this year seem lighter. But this year came for you on multiple fronts but you came out stronger and more focused. We love to see it!
Thank you for sharing your 2020 journey with us.