LOL! I survived.
It’s the end of 2019 and it is going to be my first time openly writing about my year. Wait! Can I say I’m openly writing about my year if I’m writing anonymously?🤔
2019!! *sigh* I really wasn’t sure about writing a review this year but this has been such a roller coaster. So, why not?!
Starting the year, I had no resolution but I knew it was going to be me facing my fears, staying out of my comfort zone, travelling more and most importantly, “SURVIVING”.
It’s the end of the year and I’m still here. I survived!
2019… I cried, got confused, lost, cried, questioned my existence, fought suicidal thoughts, cried some more, lost my spiritual connection with God, cried a lot more.
Surviving was me relocating because of a job – a 9-5 job! Wait, 8-6 actually. Anyone who knows me well would know how I detest a 9-5, having to sit behind a desk all day, but we must make this money, abi? It was really hard because I had to leave an industry I love for one I know nothing about. So new environment, new job, being forced to make new friends (I met some really amazing people though).
Surviving was staying out of my comfort zone & not dying from anxiety, trying out things I never thought I’d try, liking things/people I can’t have, learning – I learned a lot.
Surviving was me learning to be really expressive and learning that communication is key.
Surviving was me shooting my shot without fear (“if I perish, I perish” lol).
Surviving was crying myself to sleep every night for 5 months and putting on the widest smile when I step out my door every morning.
Surviving was me living alone for the first time ever. I can’t even lie, this has been really tough.
Surviving was me going from a size 6 to a size 10 and not being bothered about it.
Surviving was me knowing when to let go of things and people no matter how much I liked them.
Surviving was me forcefully letting go of things from the past that still had a hold on me.
I had really low moments but I had high moments too. Though, I don’t think the high moments balanced out the low moments.
High moments will definitely be the trips I went on. I visited 4 countries this year: Senegal, Dubai, Ethiopia and Rwanda. I really loved the experience I had in all countries and I am definitely going to visit again and this time, pen down my experience.
Did I mention I joined a volleyball team? I did! I was really sceptical about joining a team but I had to make myself understand that I can’t keep running away from things because I do not want to fail. Well, I can’t say I’m good at playing yet but I can say that I am doing so well. This has also become like a safe space and it has somehow helped me mentally.
It’s still a few days until the end of 2019. I turn +1 in a few days. I’m not sure what the new year has for me but in the end, what matters is – I survived.
“Survival is a talent.”
2019… I have no regrets.
“Ati lo Ati de”
Any time I ask how you are and you say you’re alive, I get that. It’s only afterwards that you can look back and see how far putting one foot in front of the other can take you. That’s the power of simply repeating the positive thing to do.
I’m looking forward to you not just surviving but thriving in 2020. It’s not a wish, it’s a natural progression for the path you’re on. Thank you for sharing.