So tomorrow is Uchene’s (@miz_uchene) birthday. Here’s why she will be celebrating on a high…
It’s my birthday tomorrow, and I’m going to have fun and make it a day to remember. For the past few years, I’ve hated birthdays, and spent the day wishing I was younger, wishing I had more friends/presents/gifts/calls, etc. I’m having none of that this year. I’m going to party like it’s going out of style because this is the youngest I’m ever going to be.
I’m wearing black this year. It’s a pretty dress and I’ll pimp it all with some colour, but, it’s black. Unlike when I wore black on Valentine’s Day, this time the colour won’t be a reflection of my state of mind; it’s the sexiest dress I own and I can’t wait to rock it.
I usually don’t look back and count my blessings at the end of the year, well at least not systematically and so this is a whole new experience (thanks Efe). Its humbling to say the least, because we take a lot of things for granted, remembering only the BIG things while forgetting the small things.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I did throughout the year. The BIG thing for me this year was not romance (thanks Efe for the no-romance clause) but my MSc. The Masters programme was never part of my plans, but I was bored, hated my job and needed to run away or at least learn to live with my demons away from family and friends. I thought it would be easy, I’d spend the year touring and sightseeing, making new friends, balling and forgetting my recent past. I was wrong. I visited two places (for extremely short periods), made one new friend, partied only two times in the whole year and carried a very heavy bag of guilt everywhere.
My lowest points were those moments when I just couldn’t chase the demons away and I must say at some point, death didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I realised I had to do something drastic because I just couldn’t live the rest of my life with regret and guilt. So I did the only thing I could do. I prayed. It didn’t happen immediately or magically, but, thankfully all the demons are gone.
I do not think school was an outlet for me but I poured all my time and energy into my MSc programme. I wanted to get a distinction and the closer I got to achieving this goal, the harder I worked because I realised that just one failure in one test would cost me all I had hitherto worked for.
My low points were points when I felt I had given my all, but didn’t seem to be getting results. Writing my dissertation was the hardest thing I had ever done- true. I was stuck so many times; it’s a miracle I finished in time. Three weeks to deadline, I was well and truly stuck and losing my mind. I officially hate tables, those things showed me. Thank God for a friend, He practically moved in and helped keep me sane, I really couldn’t have done much without him. It was a very humbling experience for me because I realised that I could only do so much. I was helpless, drained, tired and needed someone to take control. I hope I can be that friend someday.
I got the distinction and the best class project award…yay!!! Surely, that should have been my ultimate high point of 2011 and In some ways it was. For the first time in my life, I had pushed myself and worked really hard for something and it paid off. I realised that I could do anything I put my mind to do, it was/is a very heady feeling. My parents were really proud and it looks good on my cv. But one really high point came when I was reading the comments on my facebook wall. A lot of friends, family, teachers etc dropped notes and said they were proud of me. I had ignored these same people for a year but they took time out to write some really nice comments on my wall. It was quite humbling. We work so hard for certain things at the expense of other stuff and when we get those things we thought we wanted, we wonder if it was worth all the sacrifice. No regrets though, I would probably do it all over again, but I would pay more attention to friends and family because no amount of success is worth losing them.
That said, I feel like I’ve been in the school of life this year and the training has been intense. I have had so many high and low points, and I really should make a list of some sort. I rolled into 2011, with no resolutions or lengthy prayer requests but I have some resolutions for 2012: I’m going to have more fun, I’m not going to take myself too seriously and I’m going to pay more attention to the little things.
Here’s to a happy next year, God keep us.
Happy birthday in advance girl. ‘Dania returns tomorrow as promised. 🙂