DISCLAIMER: I plan to be as brutally honest as possible so if you can’t handle such, you needn’t read this post (lmao)… please feel free to yimu at will
First I would like to say an awesome thanks to the owner of this blog, he’s been an awesome friend (notice my play on the word –awesome) who cares and has a way of seeing through all my gimmicks. Suffice to say, I love him. Best believe I have bolts in my head that at intervals need tightening but this guy here has understood all through and stuck with me as friend even when I don’t deserve his friendship (we have a weird relationship you see).
About my year 2012 is it? Well, it’s coming to an end soon (lol) so I might as well just fess up on all my activities during the year. Before I start itemizing the important highlights – let me start by stating two truths I learnt about myself this year.
I am a runner; well not the athletic type you would expect who stays exerting physical energy but the emotional one – a worse type there never was. I ran from everything and everyone this year and the more people kept getting close the more trapped I felt and the instance I saw an escape route, I just bailed. A number of my friends have called me chicken, emotionally lazy, selfish and a runaway just because of this new nasty habit of mine.
Two, it seems a number of guys had a G8 summit on me and the general opinion was I have wahala – this year I have apparently been a hell of a trouble maker to all the guys have met; I mean I don’t know what I do or how I do it, I just know I am a fantastic troublemaker and if there was ever a job created for that I will make billions off it. Probably due to my running skills, I came up with a back up for those that chased after me. I have had a number of my friends tell me that the man that will marry me should have taken pills and pills of patience to help him deal with my personality.
So there you have it, two of my greatest weaknesses this year and this is exactly what my 2012 experience will be centered on. Actually I don’t know what to write and from someone that has nearly filled a page it seems hard to believe but I do not for the life of me know how to describe my year but if you are reading this, that means I succeeded in sending it in to Efe and failed in my attempt to beg him not to put it up because I don’t know what I was thinking writing this. Here goes nothing though.
The CEVUK version of Psalm 46:10 says
“Our God says ‘Calm down, and learn that I am God! All Nations on earth will honour”
The Trinity and I were so cool this year; it surprised the shucks off me. I am not saying I read my Bible daily or I impressed myself by going to church religiously but I will say that I didn’t run from God this year and I listened most times to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and never forgot to thank them regularly. They speak to me; it is no longer “something tells me” rather it is “the Holy Spirit told me”. I have come to realise that the Holy Spirit is really a friend and comforter searching into the innermost thoughts of the heart and reminding you of the things you need to know. I have murdered people in my head this year and if not for God, I will have carried out physical murder because I thought out every other thing except start the process. I am grateful though because I am more willing to learn now to let go of things, hurts and people.
This is one of the major highlights of my year – I got a niece now (Yaay!!!) *tears bra and pant* I cannot contain my joy; the joy of being responsible for the life of another being, that is awesome and outrageously fantastic. Not just that but my family friend who is family now also had a baby boy so I have one of the handiest jobs taking care of a niece and an adopted nephew.
My sister graduated from school with a first class upper degree in Accounting and this year for my family has been terrific, favour from left, right and center. Sometimes the little you have to say about some things say much more than the big speech you are able to give about other things.
After enduring a job where I was not paid for months on end, I got four job offers that I had to choose from; some choices were easy to make while others weren’t so but all these other jobs showed that God favours one; and so I have taken up my passion for teaching for a little less pay than the other jobs would have offered me (an aviation company, a bank and a customer service company) believing that if you give value, you will get much more than you have ever bargained for. So, you might call this paying my dues for the time that I would not have to pay anymore.
For once, I am not grateful for twitter this year as I was last year because I noticed a big glitch on that site, people feed on your weakness and insecurity and slice you up till there is nothing left of you to give anymore. You meet them all, people who have deep issues and come on twitter to let it go; people who age-wise are meant to be matured but are emotionally redundant; the arrogant; the selfish; the one that goes along with every other person just to be accepted; the ones who have found their feet; the people who don’t give a damn and the good (guess, where I fall).
Through that site, I reconnected with the first boyfriend I had this year (lol) a failed relationship from the start if I might add; I was messed up a bit after that and as if that wasn’t enough I met a dear friend whom I lost my virginity to and my first pregnancy scare that led to shameless wails in the guy’s place. A new experience I might add because I don’t make it a habit to cry in front of any guy. They hear of my crying sometimes but to experience it physically, never, until this year. I was filled with deep regret though that I didn’t eventually get pregnant not because I wanted to tie him down but because I felt it would have made me more responsible – I live my life carelessly most times and a baby taking the center of it all I hoped would calm me – so yeah I was disappointed when the second test came out negative after the first positive test scare.
Same way I am not grateful for twitter though, I am thankful I am still on it because I have met some fantastic people from that place, people who would leave every other thing to show you are the one that really matters. I have also forged new relationships out of there.
You see, I have extreme guy drama and I know that’s not a thing to be proud of and I just don’t understand why but I never lack a guy for the moment who either fancies or wants to wife me etc. It is always a constant and so when other girls are looking for guys to date, I am praying to take a break from guys and complaining about another almost failed relationship. It is not a lucky streak, it is indeed a bad thing because you can’t think and your life is plagued by weaknesses resulting from the indecision to stick to one guy. I hated that life because all I wanted was a normal working relationship.
Thankfully, I have my heart in the most expected of places and I am forging a relationship with most sincere man I have met in a while and who cares deeply about me.
I love my life, I love 2012 and if the world indeed comes to an end as they say; I am definitely a fulfilled person. So yeah, my year has been that of blessings in disguise. What more can I ask from a supernatural God who takes you through the hard times and gives you rest for life. I am eternally grateful.
Tinu is my darling, very dear friend and you can find more of her expressive disarming honesty here