A few of my friends tease me and call me “Superwoman”.
One of my best friends once told me “when I don’t hear from you, I know you are going through something”. Bless him!
Not my strong suit…
I have been one to skip through life focusing on “tomorrows”, what to do next, how to do better. Never looking back to appreciate my accomplishments or give myself a pat on the back. It worked well. Too well I should say as I grew accustomed to soothing down my emotions, barrelling through life… shutting people out with the “Oh, I’m okay. Nothing much happening” line even though I was drowning.
I made a change this year. To try and really “feel”. Let the emotions wash over me. Say I am tired when I am. Request for a hug when I need one. Be upset/angry and say it. Ask for help when I need it and try not to “politely” refuse help even though I didn’t ask for it but need it.
This year has been good, really good. I could say great but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
I published a paper in a science journal earlier this year. I didn’t get to appreciate the hard work I put into it because, well… I was being “humble” and as usual, focused on tomorrow. I’m proud of me.
This year, I had planned to feed my travel spirit and achieve three travel goals. I did! I had a great time in Istanbul, immersed in culture in one of the oldest parts of the city. Eating simit for breakfast, experiencing the Asian and European sides of Turkey. Visiting famous sights, enjoying the smiles and nods from the locals seeing an unfamiliar black face, drinking Turkish tea and people watching.
Later in April, I spent my birth month attending my first Colour Conference in London with my girl. I had planned towards this for over a year. We prayed, worshipped God and celebrated us. To top up my visit, I was treated to a beautiful Thai dinner for my birthday. Now, that was one surprise I wasn’t expecting!
There were many ups and I could say just one significant “down” though I like to believe it was a “plateau”. I had a fibroid surgery. Let me say something here, I have had a couple of surgeries and I still think of them as “exciting”. I genuinely get thrilled and have lengthy discussions with the doctor about the procedure. In one instance, I opted to watch a surgery on my knee on a monitor. Exciting time I tell you! I waved off this fibroid surgery as one of those things, taking it in stride, bouncing back in a few days. A few weeks later, a friend told me she lost her close friend to the same surgery. That made me sit, think back and BE grateful to God all over again.
And at the end of the year, my friend and I set off exploring Japan! It was an experience that I will cherish for a long time. From Tokyo to Kyoto, Nara to Hiroshima. I was gassed! My knee acted up, but we just popped some pills and soldiered on! From drinking sake to eating fried eel, ramen bowls and experiencing the “matcha-ness” of Japan. To be very honest, I have compartmentalized that trip somewhere in my mind; going back every once in a while, to pull up a memory, smile and reminisce.
2018, I cracked my “superwoman” mask a little, stuck my fingers through the crack and pulled even more… letting my vulnerability seep out and the love from friends and family seep in. I said thank you to compliments with less “but…”. I was intentional. I met new friends and stepped out to make new friends. I listened and appreciated my emotions for what they were and not try to analyse it and break it down (still happens though). I loved and appreciated me a lot more… my opinions, my drama/extra-ness, my intelligence, my bossiness, my goofy laugh and my kinda love.
Thank you 2018, here’s to doing more of this in the coming year.