If I were asked to describe 2015 in one word, I’d stutter for a few minutes and still be unable to come up with a word to describe it because no word does justice to the year 2015 for me. But there is a phrase that sums it up neatly – “so weak, so strong“.
At no other time in my life have I experienced so many ups and downs in almost all areas of my life. Though I had the public demeanour of someone who had no worries, it was a mere faćade to mask the turmoil on the inside.
I started the year with an official resumption in a new role and a slight pay rise. The new role was one that I had somehow subconsciously expanded into from my old role and as such I did not feel any pressure acting in the new role – strong.
With the new role also came expectations I had hitherto been unaware off which meant I delivered less than stellar outputs on many occasions – weak.
The first curveball of the year came when I got a call that my dad would undergo surgery for something that started just like a normal cough. Seeing my dad all prepped up for surgery got to a part of me that took me channeling the most of my stoic nature to refrain from bursting in tears. Despite the weakness I felt, I adopted an attitude of “it’s nothing” just to reassure my mum that all would be well – so weak, so strong.
More responsibility at work meant more time devoted to work and less time available for my other endeavours. Creativity suffered and I had some of my weakest performances ever as a spoken word artiste but wrote some of my best pieces in the shortest of periods. My teaching work also took a back seat. The few times I did teach were wonderful ones but I wish I had done more.
One area where I experienced the most weakness was my walk with God. I went for weeks without much personal study of God’s word and that is one thing that is definitely changing now and into the new year.
So 2015 in a few words – “so weak, so strong” but without a doubt that God has kept me through it all for a purpose so I end with this song.
“So close, I believe,
He’s holding me now,
In his hands I belong,
He’ll never let me go.”
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Thank you very much for sharing Gbenga. We hope to see some of your work online and share in your creativity. God bless you. I hope your dad is all right now?