This is my first time doing this, I’m a bit nervous. But I hope I do okay.

My year is divided into: The beginning, the middle and the end.

The Beginning

So the year started with a lot of hope & a lot of resolutions. I was so pumped. In fact the previous year, I had quit my job and was starting NYSC in a totally different state. So yeah, It was supposed to be a journey of self-discovery and finding purpose.

I set several audacious goals for myself. But saying you’ll do something and actually doing it, are two different things.

Some of these goals were to learn to play the guitar, read 24 books this year, to pray more and to wean myself off my phone.

For my PPA for youth service, I was posted to a secondary school after being rejected by a polytechnic (ouch!). Anyways at the secondary school, I decided to teach mathematics (because, duh! Favorite subject).

The Middle

Halfway through the year, I had made headway on some of my goals but most of them were largely abandoned. But more importantly, I could feel the darkness creeping in. Depression? Apathy? Panic attacks? I honestly don’t know. I just felt like I was drowning and I wanted to end it all. I was disappointed in myself for setting goals and falling short. 

I had left a secure job to “find myself”; to discover purpose, but I found emptiness, a lot of it. Doubt was strangling me day by day. I couldn’t pray, I couldn’t do anything. Was just there. I felt I had failed myself, again. 

Thank God for great friends who encouraged and motivated me to seek solace in God and to not give up on my craft but practice it.

I tried, even did a photography challenge which had positive feedback. 

But a part of me still worried if I was doing the right thing. 

The End? 

I’d rounded up my youth service, which was an interesting period. Especially helping children who didn’t understand math or hate math, to fall in love with it. 

I fell in love with an amazing lady who’s been a blessing to me, constantly encouraging me and is brutally honest with me. She makes me so happy and I’m thankful.

I found myself and I’m finally sure of what truly calls to my soul, which is documentary photography. I’m fighting my fear of failure by actively trying to get gigs, work on new projects as well as collaborating with other more experienced photographers.

I’ve read over 48 books this year (aiming for 60) and I’ve weaned myself off my phone. I’ve started working on some of my goals I wrote down at the beginning of the year, because why wait for a new year to start? Start now. 

So this isn’t the end, but rather the beginning. This is my year of self-development and investing in myself.

It won’t be easy, but it’ll most definitely be worth it. 

I thank God for an amazing year. Soli Deo Gloria.

Lawson Oluseun

I tell great stories with my lens. Professional beans lover + short tall person.


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