Not Like This

Dear Olamide

Hey, I was going through my old laptop and I saw the folder I created for us back then in 2009. So long. The pictures you sent me, the emails I saved in there, the poems, yes, the poems. the erotic and the romantic ones, I still have them. I know it may surprise you knowing how nonchalant I was about you then. About us. I blame myself for it. You showed me love like no other, talked to me and with me all through my sad times (had too many of those didn’t I? Lol) I write to you today not to beg you to come back to me but to explain to you why I gave us no chance to grow.

That year she broke your heart, she made you cry. Tore you apart and threw your love back in your face and just then we met. You opened up to me and told me everything you could never tell any other person. I comforted you as a true friend should. I saw how good a man you were to her and wished someone could love me as fiercely as you did her. I wanted you in my life so bad but you always, always talked about her (just so you know, it hurts) I accepted you’d never get over her and I encouraged you to go back to her. You tried, she rejected you then you came back to me. Few weeks after, you said you were in love with me. I rejected you. It broke you but it broke me more. I felt you wanted to use me to get over the love of your life. I could never take that. I was angry you turned out to be a typical man. I was angry you couldn’t just love me naturally but as a rebound. You promised to love me till the end of time and sent me the best poems to back it up seeing as you communicated better through them but I could never be a replacement girlfriend. We had a fight, a petty fight and we stopped talking then I left Nigeria.

January 2012, I saw your name online, for more than three years we’ve not talked. I lost all contacts (and so did you I assume) I sent you a private message and we started talking again. I was so happy and still very much in love with you. We caught up so quickly, the chemistry was surprising. You said you never stopped loving me and I said “me too”. We talked about these feelings and basked in them for so long. Just when I was waiting for you to just formally ask me out, you ‘fessed up you were now engaged.

It’s been three years I know, but my world came crashing before my eyes. I cried for every night we talked (which was everyday) I wanted you in my life so bad. You told me you wanted us to be together. You asked if I was ready to love you again, that you’d leave your new woman. I couldn’t have that again because not only would I be causing another woman pain, but I’d be the replacement girl again! I wanted you to love me naturally. You said I was the only person that could love and understand you in the way no other woman could. I know that too because we are soul mates. We’ve cried together, laughed together, I helped you grow as you helped me grow. The only person I respected, the one I jokingly (but seriously) asked to father my unborn babies. The most intelligent man I’ve ever met. The calmest lover ever that complemented my fiery attitude. The man I still long to hold and call mine forever (sigh)

Although now we have accepted our fate to be best friends forever I want you to know I still love you very much…the one that got away. The one I’d never have.

Love always,


So Temisan was walking by 19th Street and decided to drop by and tell us how she felt about her man. I’m hoping he can reply the letter.


I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.


  • Few things hurt as bad as loving someone you can’t have. But ’tis better to have loved and lost. Abi?

  • whitneycruz says:

    So beautiful……. Almost cried

  • kimeclectic says:

    Why do you have to be the one to make the decision? He knows nobody will love and understand him like you do but he has to push the ball to your court and ask you if you are ready to love him? I don’t even know.. I am confused. You are a strong woman. It is hard to want something so bad and say no to it because you do not like the way you are getting it.

  • kimeclectic says:

    And I think it is better to have never loved. You can miss something you have never had but you miss it in a way that is wishful (for lack of a better word). Having it then losing it? Or having it dangled under your nose then taken out of your reach? That is a different kettle of fish and it stinks.

    Like a woman that has never been pregnant but wants a child and one that has been pregnant or has had a child and the child died.

    I would rather never have had it.

  • kimeclectic says:

    And I am coming back to comment the third time because this made me angry and sad and many other things all at once.

    Stop crying at night. You will have a headache in the morning and then you won’t be able to concentrate in school or at work ( Yes, this part is important)
    This is my last comment. I promise

  • Tosin says:

    Awwwwwwwwwwwww :'(
    *sucks ball*

  • Ibukun says:

    You guyssss, Temisan is moist too :’)

  • Awwwww. This is sad tho. I have been in a similar situation also.

  • aramaanda says:

    I get this…not wanting to be the replacement/displacement girl but they say all is fair in love and war…if you both love each other and he loves you more than the other woman, doesn’t that give you a right to him? I’ve given up someone like that before and the decision still haunts me…would the other woman have done me the courtesy if given the chance?

    • folkeezy says:

      !!! The whole of this!!

    • 0latoxic says:

      They also say two wrongs don’t a right make. That another may do or has done you wrong is no justification to do same if given the ‘opportunity’. ‘Stealing’ another woman’s man is wrong and unfair. “All” is certainly not fair in love and war.

      Aside: I’ve always believed the kind of person that can be stolen from their lover can, in turn, be stolen from the lover who stole them. All boils down to principles really.

      • aramaanda says:

        I get what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s stealing…nothing is fixed and no one belongs to another until they are joined before God…

        • 0latoxic says:


          Okay, here’s another way to look at it: “Do unto others as you would have them do to you”.

          How would you like it if ‘your’ man left you for another woman (who was aware he was your man) with the mantra that ‘he don’t really belong to your till you’re joined before God’.

          Yeah, some other woman might not do you this ‘justice’ but is that justification for you to do any woman that injustice. Yeah, I consider Temisan’s actions (or inactions) as noble and just.

  • Anonymous says:

    if you aren’t the first girlfriend, somehow you are the replacement girlfriend and vice versa. Nothing like a perfect situation. They love each other, don’t know why she’s letting go of something so beautiful. Sigh.

  • Anonymous says:


  • malota says:

    Ara and toxic’s comments, i find them very interesting. I am with Toxic on this, dont do what you wouldn’t want to be done to you. Respect the relationships of others.

  • Jk_McDazzles says:

    I don’t know I’m just pained by this post..Sooooo friggin’ pained I just want to label someone as “life” and hit the heartaches of of him/her/it/whatever..

    And again, I remember someone once said, “No man or woman is ever completely free of ties of affection, it’s either you take someone’s place, or someone takes yours..”


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