I was so happy when 2012 came. Full of hopes and expectations. I had so many plans I hoped to fulfil. LOL. This year sha. The slaps and kicks I was dealt were amazing. Painfully amazing. I spent the most part of the year in tears and so much pain.
First, I returned to school after the January fuel strike to submit my project, deal with my clearance and just leave. Bear in mind I had just concluded an extra year. Boy was I wrong. My supervisor had lost my project, giving me a new topic a week to deadline for submission. How I was supposed to achieve that without plagiarising was entirely up to me. Thankfully, I did it just in the nick of time with an A to show for it. Then I checked my results only to find out I had a missing result and was supposed to spread my legs before I could get it. I refused to and had to spend another extra semester.
I lost a love. One I thought I’d really nurture to last. Considering my history with past relationships, I was really looking forward to settling down in this for a long while, at least. I was so wrong. It didn’t help that it ended at a really bad time and I felt alone in the world. I did and said things I’m ashamed of now. I was so heartbroken and a part of me held out till I knew it was never going to happen and moved on recently.
The relationship with my parents, especially my mom deteriorated and frankly, I can’t blame them. They are so disappointed. Who wouldn’t be? I felt like a failure before them (still do). Watching my mom cry everyday and both of them blame each other for what happened didn’t help either. I got a job that I hated but had to do cos I couldn’t bear to ask the parents for money. Eventually, I decided I had had enough and quit.
Finally, the parents decided they couldn’t do it anymore and are getting separated this month. This is the second time and I feel responsible for it. Perhaps if i hadn’t failed so much, the strain would not have come on their relationship.
I lost my faith this year because I felt God deserted me. As if to prove a point, He brought angels in the form of friends into my life. I got my new job through one of them. I loooovvvveeeeeee my job. It’s one I’ve always dreamed of doing. I’m forever grateful to the friend who linked me up and to all the other friends who stood by me and always showed up at the times I almost ended it all.
I still feel less than I know I should and I’m reviving my walk with Christ. I’m appreciating the gift of true friendship and basically learning new things about myself.
I only hope 2013 will be good to me and just make me genuinely happy.