Mr. and Mrs. Greyverse: Update

Without question, How Greyverse Claimed His Love (read here LINK) is one of our favorite posts here on Stories. Timi has kindly supplied us with Part 2 of the movie- what Ever After has been like. Enjoy.


I was lying beside my wife who was trying to force herself to sleep; maybe my wise sayings made her weary. I have to admit that I’m a little bit of a boring guy. I was just meditating like I usually do when it struck me. We’ve been married for one month now. So I thought to myself, you don’t usually meet someone in first year of Uni in 2006, marry them in 2015 and stay happily married to them for all of one month. One whole month and they didn’t threaten to send you out of the house and one month of “HML” like many of our friends wished us. So I thought to share a few things that happened on our journey here.

I must first state that the church wedding ceremony happened really fast. One minute you are adjusting your suit and wiping sweat off your face and arranging a smile for your friend who wants to use their 2-megapixel camera phone to take a bad picture of you so they can tag you on Facebook, the next minute pastor is telling you to be full of joy that you’ve got a wife now and that the church should pray for you. I thought it would take a bit more time, I thought I’d feel some power upon my forehead, strengthening me to be able to handle a lifetime battle for the remote, I thought power will come upon me and throw me all over the floor as I considered the promise I had made to my woman to help out in the kitchen all our lives together. Brethren, nothing changed, my hands did not evolve to be able to handle washing of back of pot. But they had pronounced us man and wife. Ah!

Thankfully, they did not ask us to kiss bride in the house of our great God. I am just a nonsense shy person sometimes, I would have done my best to get good kiss for the camera but I think my very restless enemies would have succeeded in making the kiss land on her nose or somewhere near her ears. Brethren, they cannot get us!

I may have cried a little when papa Uche prayed for us. In my head I was thinking, “This is happening”… Haaaaaay! Haaaaaay! All these years of long bus rides to be able to spend few hours with this woman and all the magic number calls and all the slots she took on my family and friends list… this is really happening.

I remember one time in 2007, I did something she described as “penny wise pound foolish” and she was very right. My action was penny wise and pound foolish. I remember how I breathed fire and small brimstone like dragon that day. “How can you say I’m foolish?” Then she begged me. She was very afraid to lose me. Because I am a catch.

Now I don’t know if it’s an expression of trust or the belief in the fact that I am a deadly Ijaw warrior, but my Uche almost doesn’t seem to sense danger when I’m around. It’s probably from all those years of living in a quiet Enugu town. She doesn’t know when I am trying to get her to cross the road to avoid mad people. She doesn’t know when I’m keeping my voice down a little to observe people who look like criminals from afar, just to protect my baby. She will be giving me the funniest gist when we are out a little late and I need to quietly scan the environment for the number of crooks in front and quickly compute what my very moderate knowledge of kick boxing and little bit of swimming can do to protect us. And in all the books I read in marriage they told us to listen to our woman. So in my head I will be screaming, woman there is danger. Allow me to focus on my role of protecting you as a man, but on my face I have to look for a way to appear to enjoy good gist.

After the elections, there was serious shooting in front of our compound. Looool! We could even see some sparks from our house. I had only been married for one week then. I did not want to die. I thought of my long surname and how it won’t fit into a “Je suis hashtag”, people would not even know if these hooligans were to kill me. This wasn’t a good time at all for that sort of nonsense. I didn’t know if I should tell my Uche to lie flat on the floor and wait for my last command. I started to call on my heavenly father to guide me and my baby. Then we got a call from someone who knew the town more than us, he told us to go about our daily activities as normal, someone had won the elections and his boys were peacefully celebrating with serious gunfire.

I always thought my strong selling point was how I can get her to be calm regardless of whatever was happening around. So imagine how I felt the day I learnt that my manner of telling her to relax is reason why she cannot relax. She says I shout “Uche relax! Uche relax!” She says the way I shout “relax” throws her off balance. The only people I want to be throwing off balance are my enemies and online monitoring spirits. We’ve sorted the whole thing out. I explained to her that I was born like that. I’ve been shouting relax like that since I was a baby. You don’t start complaining about skin of deadly leopard one month into marriage with deadly leopard, ma. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

What has changed since we got married? Not much. Some of us in the marriage still lack the very necessary spirit of sportsmanship for playing board games. You people need to see how Uche looks dejected when I win one game of Ruzzle after she has won three, then I announce as head of home that I don’t want to play anymore. Uchechukwu, allow me to win sometimes. Nothing will happen to you if I win, ma.

I still wash plates like I have been doing since when we were dating but now I stand my ground when she promises to call me best husband in the world if I can wash pot. I let her know she cannot deceive me, then I become like jelly and do my husband duties of washing pot because I know you Lagos men are also working very hard for that “best husband in the world title”. Lol! You people advise us to be stubborn and tough with our woman then go behind us to wash pots.

There’s so much to aspire to and hope for. I’m glad that my friend, who knows my story and has been there for me all these years agreed to marry maaaaaaaaaaay.

We move!

My name is Timi.


Bluestocking. Dilettante. Pluviophile.


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