Midnight: Jite

2014: Live. Love. Learn

My year began in July when I got a new job and moved back to Lagos. I had always said I couldn’t live in Lagos, but opportunity came and I answered.

For the first time in a long time I could afford to do things for my mum, especially as my brother got married and more responsibility fell on me.  I got to meet people I’d only ever seen from a distance, go to events at exclusive venues, and work with someone I consider one of the best writers in Nigeria.

My writing came home. I found the confidence to refer to myself as writer. I had an amazing three weeks as a writer-in-residence, a program of the Port Harcourt World Book Capital. I went to book festivals; I met great writers, made new friends.

Someone said, ‘as writers people tend to make excuses for us. We can do whatever we want and no one would bat an eyelash, because, we’re writers. It is left for us to define our moral compass because society does not hold us to any standards.’

I was drinking and smoking after 15 years of abstaining. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying and reading the Bible. I flirted with atheism for a while, opened myself to all sorts of ‘liberal’ ideas. I stopped referring to myself as a Christian. I was making all the right sounds when I met or spoke to my ‘brodas and sistas’ but I knew I was deceiving myself.

 

Early 2014

I ended a three month relationship with a selfish man. I blame myself for not seeing it from the start but I was too busy trying to be the right kind of girl, be malleable, be submissive and I ended up hurt. I cloaked the hurt in anger.

I quit my volunteer job with an NGO after over two years. My former boss didn’t want me to leave. I remember sitting with tears running down my face, listening as he twisted a lot of information and made me look like a devil’s incarnate. Afterwards, I wiped my eyes and swallowed the anger.

I got urgent messages to return home, only to get there and be asked to take part in some fetish rites that would miraculously make my father walk unaided. I refused and I was the wicked child who didn’t want good for her kin. I didn’t let the anger show. I stuffed it.

 

Say God

In December I woke up. I had people in my life that had no business there. I was moving in the wrong circles. I was carrying a load of unforgiveness. I had stopped caring about God.

Rev. 2:4 But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!

God never stopped caring about me. Looking back at 2014, there were a lot of bad things that could have happened because I put myself in so many risky situations.

In 2014, I lost my way. Completely. At the last possible moment, God found me. He plucked me from the middle of nowhere and plunked me right back on track. I see some of the road ahead and it’s going to be hard, but Jesus has me by the hand.

God’s love for me is what 2014 is about. The rest is just detail.

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Was lovely to see you walk up to me and say this is Jite! Was fun to watch you chase a ball and hold up a camera to follow shots after so many emails and online memos. Was like, this is Jite!

I pray for light, the brightest light only possible after one has experienced the darkest night. Nothing less than the total experience would suffice. Thank you for sharing Jite. Look up and look out!

highlandblue

I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.

22 Comments

  • Abigail says:

    I feel like I know you. You may not realize how much of what you want through I figured out. Try to forgive the people who hurt you and then forgive yourself. You will be fine.

  • OgheneLucia says:

    I didn’t know you were going through this, you were a light that talked me through dark times in 2014. Live. Love. Learn. And Forgive *hugs*

  • OgheneLucia says:

    I didn’t know you went through all these, you were a light that walked me out of darkness this year. Live. Love. Learn. And Forgive (Sist :P) *hugs*

  • Batty says:

    Hello Jite,
    I’ve been in that place. But in the end God really never leaves us, we are the ones who hide away from him. Watching my little girl just now how she took a book and how she tried to hide away from me knowing she was doing something she shouldn’t .. That’s how we are with God but he sees and understands everything. whenever you figure it out he’ll be there to embrace you. Have a great 2015.

  • Eloho says:

    Dearest Jite,
    Sends you a big hug…
    I remember parts of your journey especially the early part of 2014 and I celebrate the courage it took to take that step that brought you to Lagos. You dealt tremendous pressure and came out as gold. Thank you for not holding onto bitterness.
    You are walking into the light and leaving the darkness of 2014 behind. I pray for even more strength in 2015, and grace to stay in God’s arms, right there where there is nothing but unconditional love for you. Find your path, baby steps, slowly, steadily until you find yourself in God again.
    No matter what comes your way, know that you are not alone.
    Welcome home…
    Have a bright 2015

  • Lade says:

    Meeting you, I never woulf have thought.
    You’re a delighful person and it was great to meet you. I realy look forward to working with you next year.

  • Clarion says:

    There was a time during the year when I sensed that you were going through stuff…but then, it seemed to clear off and I relaxed. I wish I had reached out. But like Efe said, only light can come after going through the dark. Remember Jite, you are a special person, and I have so much faith in you and the plans God has for you.
    Hold on to Him babe, hold on with all you’ve got and get ready to have your mind blown.
    Love, peace and lots of meat pie.

  • Tyv says:

    Wow! That’s a handful. You sha took it in your strides. Just likein the prodigl story, his arms are ever open wide. Enjoy grace!

  • Amaka says:

    Having known you since University days(Paladiana Alumni), you have always struck me as a strong woman. Your strength is evident in how you have kept yourself going despite all odds. This is wishing you a greater 2015. Cheers.

  • Agatha says:

    You held me up in 2014. And when the time came that I thought you needed me, I met huge walls you had erected. I didn’t struggle against your walls. Thank God that he brought you through it. Here’s to a rocking 2015

  • Oluwapelumi says:

    Jite, we’re walking through this year like we own because we own it.

    Cheers.

  • Sharon says:

    Sigh. I get it. I guessed, but I get it completely. And guess what? I got the epiphany almost at the same time you did. Remember what you said to me in the car? I heard it, and I’ve adjusted accordingly. Thank you. It was such a privilege to have you on my team, and there’s always a space for you if you do decide to come back.

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