Bae, Lock and Key

2015

I started this year with a betrayal. I found out that an ex-lover had been loving other people (even your boo…). What hurt most was the betrayal; I was gutted by the realisation that my perception of the relationship was no relation to the reality.

I just realised part of it is, I’m angry at myself. I think I should have seen it coming, I think I should have done this, done that. It happened, it happened. The important thing is, I need to forgive myself. Move on and truly let it go. Accept that, no matter how hard I try, I will never see EVERYTHING coming. Epiphany tins
(Jan 8, 2015)

One month later, someone I had given a second chance in my life demonstrated to me with workings that the second chance was not the valuable gift I thought it was. People were prepping for Valentine’s Day; Ariel was standing in Lagos airport, pretending all the plenty tears were because there was something in her eye.

You see, one gets tired of heartbreaks and one gets tired of making mistakes and one starts to contemplate that perhaps there is an email from the Heavens that one is not reading.
So, after that second incident I did what any self respecting Christian girl would do; I offed cloth in the middle of the night and asked God to vindicate me.

I don’t deserve this. And I refuse to accept something I don’t deserve… I will speak to no one about this again. If I want to rant I will rant to Him, if I want to mourn I will mourn to Him, if I want to cry I will cry to Him. I’m done playing abeg. It’s time to take these things serious. I am planting my mustard seed in the ground, I will water it with my tears and my words and my prayers. I want to see the fruit of what I started last night. I want to see God move.
(Jan 30, 2015)

I don’t know what I was expecting; thunderbolts, lightning, or maybe people calling me to beg because they were having dreams that an angel was chasing them with a sword…
What I sha got was a light turned in my direction and Him asking me instead “What do you want?” So, I found myself sitting on a couch and discussing relationships with Him.
I will be human, which means I will get it wrong, And whoever wants to be with me will have to deal with it or they can bloody well sod off…

…I think I still have unresolved anger. Ees like.
(Jan 6, 2015)

I told Abba that I felt I was ready to invest in a relationship…easy abi? Meet person – fall in love – proceed with life. Mbanu, Dude had to do His own His own way.

When I asked Him to move, I had no idea He was going to start with me.

God opened every single aspect of my life; Dude took away every single fig leaf I had painstakingly put together…and then He asked me for one thing.

I didn’t expect a call to celibacy. I didn’t want a call to celibacy.

I mean, yes we’re Christians and we know what the Bible says, beht still…for real Lord?

Complete lockup?

Thank You for the process that has led me to this place, where I am once again committing myself and my sexuality to You, and asking You to make it a tool for YOUR glory, not mine.
Help me, for the days when someone comes by. Help me when I am weak and options exist. Help me when I give up hope and fall back into doubt. Help me when I forget. Help me to see that Your will is possible, that these dreams are possible, that there exists someone with whom I will partner for Your glory. In the end, it is Your glory that is paramount, Your will that is Supreme, Your pleasure that is my ultimate desire.
I accept this call and its responsibility, knowing that You have given me the grace to walk the path set before me… I commit myself to chastity, not for pride, but so that I can be a tool where others will see Your grace and Your possibility. I commit myself to the FULLNESS of Your will for me, knowing that You have plans much bigger than any I can think for myself, and willing to wait it out, as You work it according to Your will, in Your time and in Your way.
Feb 21, 2015

In the months since this discussion I have been strong and weak, full of faith and full of doubt. No matter how many times I try to persuade myself that perhaps I misheard, I know (and e dey pain me make I no lie) that this is His commandment for me.

I asked myself a question …What do you want most passionately? And the answer is, to be valued unapologetically, without reservation. To be accepted, listened to, to be treasured, loved, lavished upon, to be totally the reason why someone is gushing about the beauty of love at 3am in the morning. I will be satisfied, and content. And I will do it being myself. Unapologetically me.
I want it all Father. I want it all
(Feb 20, 2015)

Well…that’s my own assigned path to the all… I swear it’s like He said to me “You came to Me abi? You asked for My will abi? Oya start from there”

I have days when I wake up and tell God, “Ermmm, that your message of that day… no vex, I no dey do again”. But …I have gotten through those days (I hope with all my heart I won’t have to get through many more). No matter how much I want to resist and protest, I know. So I will obey; this year, next year…as long as He asks. (Baba God epp please, let it not tay too much)

His will = My desire. That’s the bottom line.
Funny how you have no clue about the things you’re clinging to until you’re asked to surrender them.

This year, I asked God for bae, Dude gave me padlock and key.

 

Photo courtesy of Sydneyravine.

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It struck me how the Nativity Story was actually an endorsement of sexual purity when I read this. Christ was born to a young woman who was engaged to a very understanding young man. I know angelic errands were run then but still, yes to the commitment Ariel!

Merry Christmas, everyone. God loves you. If you are ready to reciprocate his love, he’s more than willing in Christ to love you with heaven and earth. Amen.

Ariel O

would love to remain an anonymous angelic messenger

21 Comments

  • Ak says:

    I love this cos it’s almost like its speaking to me. Going through this exact thing atm n I feel a strong urge to be celibate. I wish I could talk to u n learn from ur experience? If u r okay with that I could leave my number in another comment? Thanks a lot.

  • Oh. says:

    This was a beautiful read, and encouraging too. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Dolapo says:

    Wow! Lmaoo this one is using style to speak to me. I’ve been thinking of opening what came locked. Eez like I will leave it locked.. God help us,Ariel.

  • 'Defolu says:

    See this review is all me the other half of this year. This is a reminder to keep my own end of the bargain with the Lord. Locking up ain’t easyyyyy! I pray though that His strength will be sufficient for us and keep it locked until the God appointed time, Amen.

  • Lade says:

    See locking up is hard, and in this world of ours where even the advertising of a washing machine is sexualized, it becomes harder. I don’t know what is sexual about washing clothes.
    However, I have learnt that if the foundation of a thing be wrong, there is nothing a righteous man can do.
    Gold/things of value are not cast/given to pigs.
    God is taking you through a process,you may not like it now, but trust me, in the future, you will see the reason for it.
    His Grace is sufficient.

  • Abiola says:

    May God help us all who HE has given the lock and key….Thanks for the encouraging word Ariel, God bless you.

  • solodninjah says:

    Hi, Ariel! The lord is your strength. Would you like to meet someone new? A guy who shares the same commitment as you do.

  • eloxie says:

    Thanks Ariel.

    “His will = My desire. That’s the bottom line.”

    That was everything to me.
    Stay strong, His grace is more than sufficient for you even on your most weary days.
    Lots of love!

  • Michelle says:

    Hello Ariel, I made this decision too but my failure was terrific and I’m still learning. I’ve discovered that ‘Locking-up’ as passive as it sounds requires huge efforts, you no longer listen to anything or watch anything, and the conversations too that don’t help had to go and the mind had to be tamed. And there’s also the question on the degree of locking-up by the SOs but since it’s God’s will I decided to be chaste in every sense of the word. The first time I talked to someone about it they thought me crazy seeing how sex-crazed our world has become and I’m glad that there are people out there who think God’s way is better, always has been. This journey to be chaste in words,thoughts and deeds must lead us to our Creator too so it requires leaning into him so that at every point in time His will and not ours will be done. Sometimes I get tired and think I’m fooling me but by heavens, I just want to do right by God.

  • Lizzieebunoluwa says:

    Ariel!!!!! Will you look at all that Grace spilling out? My days, all that Grace! Boy! Am I in awe of what God is doing with you? Isn’t His commitment and love incredible?
    He keeps you in perfect peace dear and after patience has had her perfect work, you will be complete and thoroughly furnished unto every good work. 😀

    You write beautifully. Your words come together like music, it’s ineffable.
    Keep going. He’s got your back.

  • debbiebless says:

    Hmm! “I asked for bae… He gave me lock and key”, nice lyrics, couldn’t see it from that perspective prior to now… nice piece, hilarious in a mild way, edifying and uplifting… Thank God for this and thank God for your life

  • debbiebless says:

    Thank God for this piece… It’s uplifting

  • Jvmoke says:

    I told a friend today that I’m under lock and key, he didn’t believe it that i dont look it. I then wondered, “how do they look?!”
    Thanks for the reassurance that we’re on the right pass.
    We will be loved.

  • Enajyte says:

    I gave up a lifetime of celibacy this year. Sigh.

    Going back to complete lockup has been a big challenge. Reading this has helped me see once again. It’s not by my strength at all. Thanks for sharing.

  • Enajyte says:

    I forgot to say, I love your name.

  • Sharon says:

    We padlock and key fam are getting plenty and it makes me happy. May God give us the strength to stand when we are weakest. Happy new year.

  • Apsel says:

    This piece is all shades of edifying. And to think a friend and I were on this issue very recently (some few hours ago). Definitely sharing it. Hope its seen in the expected light.

    More grace to keep going strong in his will!

  • Gidi Mallam says:

    I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing it.

    Several points resonated with me. If there’s anything I know, it’s that sexual purity is NOT easy. So I pray for you that God gives you the grace and strength you need to stay faithful to the call He has given you.

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