Ah yes. Love unreturned….
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Sometimes we want the truth…but most times we run away from it
Sometimes we take extra caution but in the end…careless mistakes
And I keep wondering why I am talking about “WE” when I am the one concerned
Now I am in a deep tunnel…it is dark…gloomy…frightening…I put myself in there by my own reckless abandon….and the consequences of my own action is leading to my destruction…
It was supposed to be a ‘P’…..simple…a summer P to be precise
I had shut down all my senses to Love as it was obvious I was never going to be in that position.
He was young, refreshing, vibrant, cool……..charming
He knew all the right things to say at the right time
He totally had me….from thousands of miles away
He was that guy that I felt that instant connection with
He had a strong personality…by my standard, he was close to perfect
He was a 9.5…since no one is perfect, a 10 would be biased
It was continuous days of chats…then calls…then more chats…text messages…calls…chats…all night chats
then I saw myself falling in love…he had it…he was it…i could not help it
I laugh..why?…he is a huge Flirt…he can flirt for Australia
I got caught up…I told him I loved him and I got the most surprising reply ever
He said “I am sorry but I can’t tell you I love you just because you want to hear it….i really like you but I would rather not hurt you with a lie”
I was mad…irrational and flipped out
He was protecting me…I did not know
We stayed apart for a few days…I missed him so badly
I picked up the phone and called him
And the pattern started again..calls…chats…calls..chats…
One day, I woke up, to discover things were not the same
He became too busy to call, chat or even respond to my missed calls
It was either this or that…I was confused…I didn’t know what to think
I watched the closeness strained…but then discovered he was on to someone else
She is cute, sexy and admired by a lot of guys and girls I must add
I could not stand it…I could not help me…I became suicidal
I called him…he claimed I was inconsistent…silly excuse
All I could think of at that moment was….”IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A P”
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And then….. SNAPPED
It was like a scene from trauma…confusion…panic…race to save my life
A mix of Vodka and good weed…and 4 stab wounds to my body..every one for the letters of his name
My almost lifeless body was found by my father
They took away my phones and laptop and my mentor was called
And my 7th visit to my counselor (a psychologist) was booked
One week there has been hell…that I have to go through this again
But it is for my own good…for my own future and because I still want to be alive
What was I thinking??? Don’t blame me for he was a 9.5
Sometimes we want what we do not need…sometimes we want to have it all
And here I am again….back to “WE”…My case is one of special deliverance
I was able to write this… as it is part of the exercise for my evaluation
All I need right now….is a warm hug and prayers of course.
Is love worth all the trouble?