EVENING: TOLULOPE

…this is the name they will give Him: “God – who – puts – everything – right.” Jer 23:6b (MSG)

Phew, this year was fast, amazingly fast; it was like we were in a race. Was it not just January some days back? I mean, hold up; 2015, are you aiming to win the Guinness World Record for fastest year?

See, I had a plan, that before I am 30, I would have completed my Ph.D.  I never factored in marriage and having a baby into that plan. So, except a university is going to open opposite my house now, getting that Ph.D isn’t going to happen any time soon.

This year, I had hope, that one day I would still be a lecturer.  See, lecturing is my dream job; I took a step towards attaining that this year. We’ll see what happens in 2016.

The first and second quarter of this year was routine. Home life was fine, work was smooth and life was good. And my baby brother gained admission to the university immediately after SSCE. Yay!!!

I got into the ‘what kind of family planning are you on?’ convo plenty times. And I recollect peoples’ expression when I told them Jesus is my family planning. The thing is this, I told God, I wasn’t going to do any family planning. He knows the number of children that befits me. And of course, I also knew in my hearts of hearts I wasn’t ready for another pregnancy.  And the truth was I really wasn’t on any family planning. I just wasn’t pregnant.

You know when you hear some news that initially you thought was bad, then you sit back and think about it, and you see the good part? That was the 2nd part of 2015.

My daughter started school in September.

I had been feeling sick for a while, not sick-sick but more of a discomfort. The discomfort was an off/on thing. So I didn’t bother to check it out. Then the discomfort became persistent. So I took time to go see a doctor. After listening to my symptoms, she requested a pregnancy test. I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I? Abi God, that wasn’t in the plan now. Haba.

So I went for the PT and it was positive. I was in a daze. Getting preggers wasn’t in our plan for 2015. Here I am still struggling with one child, how will I cope with another? I remember calling my husband: ‘Bros, How far? I am pregnant’

He later told me that weekend that I sounded like a 16-year old who was calling her boyfriend to inform him of her pregnancy!

Then depression set in.

Pregnant ke? How? Why? When? I smiled at everybody and went to work bubbly but inside I was twisted. I cried too. And I became moody. I think I was moody because, sometime in 2009, I learnt that ‘whatever God has given me the grace, power and strength to do, He wasn’t going to do it for me’. I could have gone for family planning. I didn’t. I had the power to not get pregnant, I didn’t use it. And then I cried some more.

And my husband noticed my moodiness too. So he asked me what I wanted to do.

Do? How? Abort? No, that is not even an option. Nobody dey ask married woman where she see belle o!!! We are having the baby ni. I just can’t reconcile my mind to the fact that I am pregnant yet.

However, that helped bring me out my black moods. Biko, who crying don help? God actually knows how many children befit me.

Then someone very close and dear to me got a better job offer and decided to change jobs. The new job required a thorough medical check-up. The results were shocking, the diagnosis totally unexpected. Then came the flurry of other medical tests and tears. All is well now, but that was another trying time. Thank God for that medical, who knows what would have happened.

I did this activity that literally took me out of my depths. It was a learning experience. I had to learn how to Skype, how to use sniping tool (which by the way, I had never heard of before), had to research some policies (which I never knew existed) and a whole lot of other things. Somewhere along the line when I felt the stress was much, I wanted to quit. Now, when I look at all I learnt, it was worth the stress.

My mum finally graduated from University of Ibadan after 7 years of frustration. She now has a MPH degree. She started when I was in 300L. I don forget say I don do M.Sc sef. I missed work to be at her graduation. It was worth it. For a woman who got married with just an SSCE, she is now Iya Lade R.N, R.M, B.Sc, MPH (RFH). I couldn’t be more proud.

My walk with God this year wasn’t perfect, in fact, it was dreary. Thank God say God no be man. Him still dey bless us yafuyafu.

Some days, I was happy. Some, I was sad. Some, I was indifferent. Some, I just wanted to see it end. In all, I have hope.

I thank God: For the innocence of my baby, OluwaTito TitobiOluwa who just by being her, made my life fun. For BamikoleTiOluwa, my Bros, My HoneyBoy, My Husband, The owner of my head, My Chairman Sir, I remain loyal.

For my extended family, you guys rock.

For my Twitter family, you guys encouraged and made me laugh so much without even knowing it. @rosuojoy, @inzaghi1, @gbemisoke, @naijawife, @irepunited, @yew1e, @quirkyyoungmom, @thelafamily, @eloxie and others too numerous to mention. God bless you all.

I may not be where I want to be, I am not stagnant either.

In the words of Kirk Franklin, my life is in God’s hands. And He really does put everything right.

Looking forward to 2016. May our dreams come true.

======================

Your name is like a prophecy nau. Congratulations, new mum. Can we all think of ways to help young mothers gain relevant degrees in self improvement courses without being slowed down by marriage and children? Thank you for sharing Lade.

diaryofanewmum

I am me, different from everyone you will ever meet.

16 Comments

  • Awww!! Congratulations to you and your family. What wonderful testimonies. God is so good. May testimonies never cease from your lives. Wish you a blessed 2016. Thanks for the mention. God bless! ❤️

  • Clarion says:

    *points and laughs* Shebi I told you, it haff enter? Lol, I can so relate to the feeling! This was all me last year! But the truth is, God does have the perfect plan for us, despite our many ‘arrangee’ and ginger. Congrats on the (coming) new baby, and 3 big gbosa to your mum! I’m so proud of her even though I’ve never seen her.
    Back to what the editor said… can young women really have a way of pursuing self development/careers without being slowed down by pregnancy and kids? This is something I’m really interested in, there has to be a way!

    • Lade says:

      Cries at ‘it haff enter’. Thanks. Education for married women is more expensive than for married men. A man can decide one day to go back to school so far there are funds and the wife is ‘understanding’, a married woman even with funds will still have to consider her kids (who will take care of them when she isn’t around, house/hired helps to help whoever is taking care of the kids (bear in mind that husband still has to ratify this decision), safety of leaving hired help alone with husband, etc and that is even if she and the husband stays together. Not the see once in a week/once a month/once a year husband. When it is the latter, a whole lot of permutations are needed again. An area one can consider is online learning but most Nigerian Institutions don’t accept online degrees. . Even that is limited by poor naira value, poor internet connection, poor electricity supply and fuel scarcity.

  • MissBosola says:

    Awww! Congratulations to you and your family. Testimonies will never cease from your life ijn amen. 2015 was a bumpy ride for me, felt like giving up so many times but am sure God will come through for me. Have a blessed 2016. God bless you.

  • Temi says:

    Such a touching post… I’m glad you are holding onto the pillar of Christ bcos he truly has a plan for you… Look at your mum and derive your strength, must have been the toughest decision for her to go back into education but she did! Wishing you a brilliant 2016 ahead!

  • MissBosola says:

    Awww! Congratulations to you and your family. Testimonies will never cease from your life in Jesus name amen. 2015 was a bumpy ride felt like quitting so many times but I know God will come through for me someday. Have a blessed 2016 and God bless you!

  • Storm says:

    Re: Options for married women who want to go to school and/or work: There are schools that offer online (BSc and MSc) programs, and i think the degree you get after completing one of those is a ‘B.Sc. in [subject]’, not an ‘online BSc in [subject]. The key word is ‘think’, because I can’t think of any reason they’d choose to indicate (on your diploma) that you completed your degree online.

    About work: If you can make a watertight case for it to your employer, you can work from home. I’m a UX designer, and my ‘office’ is in Lagos but I work from home in PH. I travel when the need arises (about once or twice a month), but for the most part, all my deliverables can be emailed to my boss and colleagues, and we have phone/Skype meetings when necessary. There are many more professions where remote work is possible, and if you’re in one of those (and your internet connection is awesome, and you don’t mind working by yourself for extended periods,) then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to work remotely. There are all sorts of resources on how to be a productive remote worker too.

  • Yewie says:

    Congratulations Lade! And I’m thanking God with you for His blessings in 2015.
    Here’s to a better 2016, a healthy baby and all-round happiness. I love you!!!

  • eloxie says:

    Hey Lade!!! Read this with a smile.

    Congrats!!! God has been faithful and the pregnancy part reminded me of Gbemisoke’s story with David and I smiled again because you will look back and celebrate God. I am glad you have an anchor in God, glad that you also acknowledge that whatever God gives us the power to do, He isn’t going to do. That’s such an amazing lesson and I’m glad you learned it. You are set to go into 2016 and we look forward to welcoming our new baby.

    As per self development, I think that the slow down phase can be managed with good help and support, as long as one does not altogether stop. The mother is the primary care giver but where there is help, it frees her even as a young mum to keep going, one step at a time and online courses could help there. However for the traditional study to which Lade alluded, I have a friend who between 3 kids recently started and completed a taught MBA , excelled at her career and obtained a very challenging finance certification. Her secret was great support (husband, grandparents, aunts and uncles to drop the kids with and a really good nanny). And thinking about it, I grew up in a university community where mothers lectured, studied for Ph.D’s and wrote papers even with young kids, but they had help. Given current realities, where we may choose to raise our kids without nannies or help, it becomes more challenging cos the child depends on you 24/7, in that case, something has to give. Maybe take a break till they can stay at an after school or play centre so you can focus on your self development alongside.
    Whatever our choices, we can have both with a bit of help, where it is not possible in the near term, we will be content with the sacrifice, knowing that the kids are a priority and we pick up as soon as we get back. The challenge however is not giving up totally because of the passage of time.

    Love you Lade, looking forward to a beautiful 2016 where we share all the joys together and are strengthened by whatever adversity God allows to come our way. Flourish!!!

  • Joy E says:

    Awwww, this is awesome! Congratulations to your mum, she is an achiever!

    See, this baby will bring you great joy, and the grace to handle another baby so soon will be there. Just remember to do your family planning next time o. In fact gaan be sleeping on the Billings site until you’re ready 😀

    God bless you darling, thanks for all the happiness you bring to us on Twitter!

  • Lizzieebunoluwa says:

    Joy E and Eloxie’s comments are ……… I don’t even have the words but bless your heart both! Such phenomenal women!

    Congratulations Lade! To new dimensions and the gifts and graces dividends they bring. God is for you.

    Cheers!

  • NW says:

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!

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