…this is the name they will give Him: “God – who – puts – everything – right.” Jer 23:6b (MSG)
Phew, this year was fast, amazingly fast; it was like we were in a race. Was it not just January some days back? I mean, hold up; 2015, are you aiming to win the Guinness World Record for fastest year?
See, I had a plan, that before I am 30, I would have completed my Ph.D. I never factored in marriage and having a baby into that plan. So, except a university is going to open opposite my house now, getting that Ph.D isn’t going to happen any time soon.
This year, I had hope, that one day I would still be a lecturer. See, lecturing is my dream job; I took a step towards attaining that this year. We’ll see what happens in 2016.
The first and second quarter of this year was routine. Home life was fine, work was smooth and life was good. And my baby brother gained admission to the university immediately after SSCE. Yay!!!
I got into the ‘what kind of family planning are you on?’ convo plenty times. And I recollect peoples’ expression when I told them Jesus is my family planning. The thing is this, I told God, I wasn’t going to do any family planning. He knows the number of children that befits me. And of course, I also knew in my hearts of hearts I wasn’t ready for another pregnancy. And the truth was I really wasn’t on any family planning. I just wasn’t pregnant.
You know when you hear some news that initially you thought was bad, then you sit back and think about it, and you see the good part? That was the 2nd part of 2015.
My daughter started school in September.
I had been feeling sick for a while, not sick-sick but more of a discomfort. The discomfort was an off/on thing. So I didn’t bother to check it out. Then the discomfort became persistent. So I took time to go see a doctor. After listening to my symptoms, she requested a pregnancy test. I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I? Abi God, that wasn’t in the plan now. Haba.
So I went for the PT and it was positive. I was in a daze. Getting preggers wasn’t in our plan for 2015. Here I am still struggling with one child, how will I cope with another? I remember calling my husband: ‘Bros, How far? I am pregnant’
He later told me that weekend that I sounded like a 16-year old who was calling her boyfriend to inform him of her pregnancy!
Then depression set in.
Pregnant ke? How? Why? When? I smiled at everybody and went to work bubbly but inside I was twisted. I cried too. And I became moody. I think I was moody because, sometime in 2009, I learnt that ‘whatever God has given me the grace, power and strength to do, He wasn’t going to do it for me’. I could have gone for family planning. I didn’t. I had the power to not get pregnant, I didn’t use it. And then I cried some more.
And my husband noticed my moodiness too. So he asked me what I wanted to do.
Do? How? Abort? No, that is not even an option. Nobody dey ask married woman where she see belle o!!! We are having the baby ni. I just can’t reconcile my mind to the fact that I am pregnant yet.
However, that helped bring me out my black moods. Biko, who crying don help? God actually knows how many children befit me.
Then someone very close and dear to me got a better job offer and decided to change jobs. The new job required a thorough medical check-up. The results were shocking, the diagnosis totally unexpected. Then came the flurry of other medical tests and tears. All is well now, but that was another trying time. Thank God for that medical, who knows what would have happened.
I did this activity that literally took me out of my depths. It was a learning experience. I had to learn how to Skype, how to use sniping tool (which by the way, I had never heard of before), had to research some policies (which I never knew existed) and a whole lot of other things. Somewhere along the line when I felt the stress was much, I wanted to quit. Now, when I look at all I learnt, it was worth the stress.
My mum finally graduated from University of Ibadan after 7 years of frustration. She now has a MPH degree. She started when I was in 300L. I don forget say I don do M.Sc sef. I missed work to be at her graduation. It was worth it. For a woman who got married with just an SSCE, she is now Iya Lade R.N, R.M, B.Sc, MPH (RFH). I couldn’t be more proud.
My walk with God this year wasn’t perfect, in fact, it was dreary. Thank God say God no be man. Him still dey bless us yafuyafu.
Some days, I was happy. Some, I was sad. Some, I was indifferent. Some, I just wanted to see it end. In all, I have hope.
I thank God: For the innocence of my baby, OluwaTito TitobiOluwa who just by being her, made my life fun. For BamikoleTiOluwa, my Bros, My HoneyBoy, My Husband, The owner of my head, My Chairman Sir, I remain loyal.
For my extended family, you guys rock.
For my Twitter family, you guys encouraged and made me laugh so much without even knowing it. @rosuojoy, @inzaghi1, @gbemisoke, @naijawife, @irepunited, @yew1e, @quirkyyoungmom, @thelafamily, @eloxie and others too numerous to mention. God bless you all.
I may not be where I want to be, I am not stagnant either.
In the words of Kirk Franklin, my life is in God’s hands. And He really does put everything right.
Looking forward to 2016. May our dreams come true.
Your name is like a prophecy nau. Congratulations, new mum. Can we all think of ways to help young mothers gain relevant degrees in self improvement courses without being slowed down by marriage and children? Thank you for sharing Lade.