DUSK : TOBI

My 2015 began in December 2014 when I started reading the guest reviews. I can’t really remember the exact day I joined the journey (that’s how I see the reviews), but I remember going through everyone’s stories; reading some more than once, practically feeling every emotion alongside the guests and thinking to myself ‘yeah, you are going to go through hell but you will come back with praises’ then responding to this with ‘God forbid’.

I couldn’t shake off the feeling that 2015 was going to be heavy.

Part 1

So in comes January with goals that revolved around getting my Masters in Early Childhood Studies (finally) and getting married to the ‘love of my life’ by the end of the year. I mean things were not really perfect at that moment, but hey long distance relationships have their ups and downs right? LOL

3rd week of January after so much waiting and sweating and wondering about my Visa I find myself in the little town of Huddersfield in the thick of winter; different environment, new course, new friends, then the break-up.

Oh the pain, confusion, hurt and drama that comes with a lot of strangers getting up in your business.

Then there was the rebound that went horribly sour (not that I expected any different).

Then more course work and deadlines.

I kept on receiving calls from my parents, siblings and friends in Nigeria telling me I was strong (I hated that word) because I was smiling or dancing in the rain? I became a good actor (at least if my teaching career ends I have an alternative). I remember picking up my bible everyday and reading the book of Psalms, just any chapter, and crying. It didn’t make sense. (Yes o, I am one of those very emotional people). Everything was a blur, literally. But, hey I survived it I think, I am here aren’t I?

I passed my courses with “flying colours” as my teachers in Nigeria will say (colours have wings eh and what’s the link between colours and grades?)

I do not really remember when I started living again… I just realised half of the year had almost gone by, my birthday was fast approaching which meant I was getting older and still totally clueless.

Part 2

The healing began, although it was slow but it began. You see I am afraid of pain, like literally afraid of pain of whatever kind but I had to go through this one, without any crutches or pain killers. And I began to grow in every sense of the word.. except being a few inches taller.. lol

It is December, would I want to go through this year again?

N. O.!!!

Nevertheless, I am confident of this that He will never leave me or forsake me.

And I am thankful!!!!

Thankful for the storms.. now I understand the scripture –

count it all joy when you go through diverse temptations and trial”

Because without these storms I wouldn’t know how deep my faith in God can be. I have had huge moments of total doubt and unbelief but my Father kept His baby girl!

I am thankful for the friends I have made this year some of which we didn’t have a great start but we grew to understand ourselves. I am thankful for how God raised help at every point I needed help; from unexpected places. I am thankful for the support system I had; my family most especially and my friends in Nigeria.

I am thankful for the opportunity to finally discover myself ( I am still in the process but I love what I am seeing).

I am thankful for my academics ( I discovered my passion for carrying out research and arguing upandan lol).

So here I am with absolutely no plans for 2016 (yet). But I am expectant and my heart is full! No, things are not perfect oh, and I still have bouts of pain, frustration and all that, but I have learned to drop it and chill.

So I end this review with this song :

“ese ebi te ti bere
Ese ibi te bade, adupe oh Jesu
Ibi te mu wanlo”

P.S as a northern babe, I am sure I misspelt all the words, lol. But I love the meaning (thank you for what you have done, thank you for what you are doing, thank short or what you will do). I hope I am right?

===========================

She is right, right? LOL

Go girl! Your expectations will not be cut short. And who says we have to have it all figured out at the beginning of the year?

Tobi Mbaya

is an early years teacher with the dreams of changing the world one nursery rhyme and lego block at a time.. Currently dabbling into the field of educational research and loving it. Learning to take a step at a time in this journey called life.

33 Comments

  • Clarion says:

    Yup, more or less correct. The last line translates to “we are thankful Jesus, for where you’re taking us to/ what you will do”
    I love your enthusiasm. Go girl!

  • Ify says:

    Thanks for sharing, Tobi! U r a lot stronger than you know, and I’m thankful to God for you that you came out of 2015 better and not bitter, with so much hope for the future.
    And breakups, sigh. They can be tough mehn, but we trust that God knows best, and has someone better in mind for us 🙂

  • Gloria O says:

    *sigh… Well done babes! We are in this together! All of us! And we have God on our side. That’s all that matters!

  • Mbaya Nancy says:

    God has got your back dear

  • Thank God for an awesome year for you.. 2016 is surely going to get better.. He is already there 🙂 Thanks for sharing Tobi

  • chioma udanoh says:

    Awww…my tobes tobes…totally behind you,praying and cheering you on,
    your best days are here!

  • Sharon says:

    Love!!! I’m beginning to understand the count it all joy better. Have an amazing 2016 :*

  • tina says:

    Wao! God can never leave you nor forsake you, Cos he loves u dearly. 2016 will be one of the best years of your life. Dance on to higher favour & grace. I wish u a Merry Xmas

  • Amina Adara says:

    You just have it all in you Hirhyel!! This is beautiful and I love ,love, love it. “count it all joy when you go through diverse temptations and trial” … this verse literally gave me strength. Sannu To’bi 🙂

  • eloxie says:

    Hey gurrrrrl, you made it through to December,you are a winner!!!
    Didn’t even know you had all this on your plate, wish I were more supportive. I’m grateful that you came to this place of counting it all joy. I’m trying to imagine you without a smile and I can barely find an image. I am grateful for the ups and downs of 2015 and I look forward to you soaring in 2016. You know how adversity often leaves us with a deeper walk with God and a greater capacity to take on the future. Always remember that we fight from a position of victory. When the dust settles, we win!!!
    Lots of love dear.
    Here’s to a 2016 where you Pursue, Overtake and Recover ALL.
    Go and Prosper…

  • daisy says:

    Lovely!
    Next year… Next chapter!
    Even more amazing
    #watchDsPace… 🙂

  • Wadzani Jabani says:

    Once again your strong and you’ve proven it my dear. You might not have plans for 2016, but God cares for his children and 2016 will be the Great year for you… Miss you

  • Ayancy says:

    So So Glorious Is Our God In All Situation.

  • Alexander Emmanuel says:

    Wow, such an inspiring journey it was for you. Greater things have been spoken concerning you already, and as the Just that you are, your paths shine continually. I am proud of you and reassured that He that hath begun a good work in you is perfecting it. Bon voyage, I love “Real Dreamers”

  • Freddie says:

    Great work Tobi, glad your time in huddersfield is a plus. Wish you even greater achievement in the days ahead.. CHEERS

  • Iduda says:

    Of course there’s a plan,Tobi. A plan to serve God even more than you’ve done in 2016. Stay strong gal. Love you.

  • Lizzieebunoluwa says:

    Well done Tobi! I like your path(my love for child development ehn) and I can say confidently that there is strength available, the kind that you can always reach out and draw, no conditions, no questions asked.
    Keep keeping on ma’am!

    You are well able. Cheers!

    P.s; Thank you Uncle Efe for that last line in your review. Its all I needed to hear for the doubt in these last few days of the year. Bless your heart sir.

  • Deme Asabe says:

    Tobee Dear, totally admire you and your work; your work with God truly wonderful. You are a blessing.

  • Ransomed says:

    Hi Tobi, what a story, just to let you know that just this lil time I’ve been with you over here in the desert, I’ve learnt a lot from you and your craft. And I hope you don’t stop pursuing your dreams until you have gotten to the climax of it all. Good luck Tobi, you inspire me a lot

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