Earlier this year, I had told myself I was going to write on 19th Street in December. Made that decision in December 2012 sef. Then later on, I decided not to. Felt I would be “nakeding” myself and I was scared of that. But few days back, I got thinking, and decided to give it a try. So here goes nothing..
So this year started out pretty weird (not so good weird) for me. I had finally come to the realisation that my life wasn’t gonna go the way I planned it in my head years back. Afterall, man proposes, God disposes. After battling the depression the previous year, I began to accept that God had other plans for me, so I let go and let God.
Gonna break my 2013 into 4 groups. God. Family. Friends and Social life. Love life.
This year, I got closer to God. Not the deeper life, mary amaka skirt, conventional christian sorta way but I got to understand him more, prayed more, read my Bible on days that weren’t sundays (still struggling with this). I developed a relationship with him. Started to enjoy going to church. I’m still a work in progress but slowly, and surely, I’d get there.
About family, there isn’t much to say really, but I’m grateful for them and I love them. This year, they got to see me as an adult and not the baby they were used to. They understand me more now, and I them too. We still have the fights and issues, but we’re in a better place. And I’m happy. Also I learned to love myself. If I didn’t, no one was gonna and I wouldn’t be able to truly love another. So I did. It was hard. Still a work in progress also. I love me. 😀
Friends. Lost alotta friends this year due to my “push everyone away” attitute but I’m grateful for the ones that stuck and are still here. And I love them like crazyyyyy. I’m really thankful for them, and even though I rarely show it, I appreciate them a great deal. Glad for the ones that know my story and don’t judge but help in any way they can. God bless all of you. And as for social life, it’s currently dead. I blame twitter. Lol. Grateful for the skills acquisition program I attended last month. Helped a lot. Had fun too. Teehee.
Love life. Lol. A relationship that meant the world to me at some point last year ended in April this year. Looking back, I’m grateful it did. We were like Rihanna and that Chris Brown look-alike in We Found Love’s video. No drugs though but toxic and bad for each other, couldn’t let go because of the “love”, so I’m happy when it finally ended. We were both tired anyway. No regrets. It taught me a lot. I was also grateful it ended because four months down the line, I met the most wonderful slice of sunshine and rainbows and everything beautiful on this planet. *blushes* Lol. He’s everything to me now. My world. Teacher. Best friend. Confidante. Adviser. And lover. He changed the “broken girl” notion the ex left behind. Made me see myself in a different, beautiful, brilliant light. Doesn’t ever hide the truth from me, even if it’ll hurt (of course he pets me after lol). Makes me extremely happy. Completes me. Makes me laugh. Helps me not to think bout my issues. It’s not smooth all the time but we make it work well. 4 months this month ^_^ Grateful God sent him my way. Lol. If you let me, I’ll talk about him from now till next year. He “beautified” my 2013.
Grew up a lot this year. Stopped taking things and people for granted. Stopped allowing people treat me like shit. Stopped letting people take advantage of me or disrespect me. Spoke my mind more. Stopped being scared of people and their thoughts about me. Stopped letting what people thought of me affect me so much. Started to do things for me and not for people. Basically quit being a people pleaser, that held me back a lot, and I’m happier now since it stopped. Loving myself, body, mind, soul, heart, behaviour. Everything. Let someone in even when I vowed I was never going to anymore. Learnt that it was okay to not have the answers. Learnt that it was okay to be scared. Learnt it was okay to ask questions (it really helps). Learnt self control. Learnt it was okay to let go. Accepted the fact that not everyone was going to like/love me, accepted that people sometimes exit your life, making space for wonderful people to come in. Learnt how to put my anger under control again. Learnt prayer actually does work well. Learnt having a heart of gratitude goes a very long way. Still learning, and still growing.. Hope that I don’t make any more mistakes along the way, and if I do, I shouldn’t regret them but learn from them. 2013 was one heck of a year. Sigh. But I’m happy, and thankful. 🙂
Anyway, still expecting a surprise from God before 2013 expires. Waiting patiently. This year didn’t start out nice at all. Like, I wrote off this year from the beginning. But it’s ending great, and wonderful. I’m thankful for the bad, meh, okay, good and great. And I pray my 2014 is especially beautiful.
It’s weird how that second to the last paragraph reads like an understated reel of lessons God allowed you learn this year. Don’t count it lightly. Those were some life changing screws unlocked this year. I’m happy for you girl.