2017 is the year everything came apart so everything could come together. There were times despair hugged me so tight, I reached the bottom and therefore I had no choice than to go back up. I don’t remember the exact year I discovered that crying is therapeutic and it is okay to not be strong all the time. But I am grateful for that year because the tears did flow this year but with every wipe came clarity. Of purpose, of next steps and of decisions.
I made a lot of mistakes this year, but they were a different type of mistake, different from the ones I was accustomed to making, so nothing could have prepared me for the consequences of my decisions. Firstly, because I was too scared to say no so I wouldn’t get in someone’s bad books, I said yes to a situation that made me feel trapped and stifled. I mortgaged my space and peace, and boy, let’s just say never again. Never ever again will I willingly put myself in a space where it is okay for me to be disrespected. I also realised that in several ways this year, I offended myself by putting myself in situations that made it easy for others to offend me. I have forgiven everyone and I forgive myself for not making the best decisions.
On Reflection, Discernment, and Smaller circles
I have reflected a lot on all the bad advice I received this year and how my circumstances could have substantially turned out for the worse if I hadn’t filtered what I heard. I could have given up on the love of my life, I could have missed several opportunities, I could have lost myself. In the end, I have come to accept that I am a better judge of situations than most of the people who want to advise me from a place of ‘wisdom’ are and I am grateful for the spirit of discernment to sieve out advice influenced by envy, selfishness or faux care.
Imagine the kind of pain you feel when a ‘friend’ tells you an opportunity isn’t worthwhile but goes ahead to seize the same opportunity? You see, Dotun always tells me that I use the term ‘friend’ too loosely. Well, this year I agreed he was right and did a redefinition. I know now that it is okay to outgrow some friendships. My circle might be smaller, but that’s because I am choosing quality over quantity.
On Love and Forever
A lot of times this year, I couldn’t recognise the lovey dovey girl staring back at me when I looked in a mirror. Who the heck is this woman whose heart is on her sleeve, I thought several times. I said Yes to the love of my life. 6 years after I sat across him at a party wishing I could talk to him for the rest of my life, my dreams will be coming true.
For the longest time, I always wondered what being ready for marriage would mean to me because I just couldn’t picture myself ever being ready to take the plunge. It means I am ready to fully experience love without looking back, to give the purest form of love and to unabashedly receive that same type of love back. It means intertwining my life with this one person and consistently putting him first, choosing him above all else. It means realising that marriage doesn’t mean the death of my very essence or true being, but allowing myself bloom on the watch of my life partner. Honour, obedience, sacrifice have taken on a new meaning for me.
I am blessed and privileged to have a man who is wiser than his age and whose diplomacy complements my brashness, someone who believes I can rule my world and conquer 7000 kingdoms plus one. Forever can’t come soon enough.
On Time Management and Priorities
2017 was the year of procrastinating. I have always been so perfect at procrastinating but this year takes the icing. I realised that working overtime at a full-time job while trying to run a business isn’t a mean feat; and so www.madamkarakata.com suffered in ways I am sad to admit (We are having a 30% off sale by the way, so get in there!). But this year also helped me realise that business is an extension of me and I don’t just see it as a hobby. So, I have confessed to myself that I need help in applying my skills to groom and build my business and I am willing to employ a part-time Personal Assistant to help me achieve my goal. If you are interested in being a remote PA, please send your CV and Cover Letter to firstname.lastname@example.org (basic accounting skills will be an added advantage).
On Thanksgiving and Opportunities
Who would have thought I would cry so hard until my head hurt and have to write a 15k word dissertation in a week but still get an A!!! Hey God, procrastination lost that one battle. An old friend I had said goodbye to offered me a place to stay in Sheffield just so I could focus and meet my deadline (God bless you forever Bolaji). The supervisor I thought would frustrate all my efforts turned out to be a blessing in disguise. See, your girl bagged that MBA in style and in flying colours.
Who would have thought that the dream job I had cried and prayed about several times would get handed to me on a platter of gold just because I dared to forgive and let go. Who would have thought love would come closer and give us an opportunity to rediscover the joy we bring to each other?
2017 had more forwards than backwards. I started off stupid, but I ended up wiser. I made silly mistakes but I am blessed with hindsight to fix up for the future. I have come to appreciate that the problem is not in the falling, it is in the refusal to pick yourself up and continue fighting.
The Future is Here
I will be marrying the love of my life; I am looking forward to being the best wife to my husband, to being the best version of myself and to taking a step closer to destiny. I am looking forward to living healthy, glowing from the inside, loving my skin and permanently looking smashing. Self-care is the best care and I love me some black girl magic. I am looking forward to having my space, our space and a closet. I am looking forward to traveling with my husband and just basking in love.
My new year resolutions look like something high-rise buildings are made of but with this year comes certainty that we are getting things done.
2018 is for existing and doing. For dreaming and for living. For loving and letting go. We are doing it afraid and we are doing it big.
2018 is for the roads not yet taken. 2018 is for perfection.