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9th December, 2016

I had already typed out a review and I was going to edit it and send it, then this happened and I thought, “Nah fam”. So here’s my new review. Today, I negligently (read stupidly) disclosed my online banking ID and password to a stranger – well I thought it was my bank, the whole process looked very legit, I checked. I did all I could to make sure I was not being scammed. But I was scammed anyway. And this stranger transferred 50k from my account.

Maybe 50k isn’t a lot to you, but I just finished my final papers in the university about 8 days ago and a customer transferred about 48k to me for some cakes due next weekend, so 50k is a lot for me. And I’ve spent the entire day crying, not so much because of the money because well, it’s replaceable , but because I’ve thought out a hundred different things I should have done differently. And this is especially hard for me because I don’t take loss very well.

If I were to describe this year in one word, I’d say it was messy. Messy because no matter how good things seemed, I was almost always crying. Sometimes I’d just be sad all of a sudden, and tears would well up in my eyes and I would start crying. When I’m crying, gospel music is my companion, and so as soon as the dark moments arrived, I’d pick up my phone and play a song and sing along. I listened to ‘Onise Iyanu’ and ‘You are Great’ so many times that I even laugh along with Nathaniel Bassey in the first part of the song. They were my go-to when I couldn’t voice a word of prayer or the Bible wasn’t comforting me. I still don’t know what made me sad all those times.

After many years of praying and crying, I got a boyfriend last November. We broke up sometime in May because I was a handful, and things just weren’t working. In June, I met someone else, and things are going very well, he is my best friend and favorite person. And though I am still a handful, he is equally one, and so we both have our hands full and we are doing very well as a couple.

I have always wanted an exclusive best friend, God said no again this year. I guess the entire world already has their own exclusive best friend and I can’t fit in with anyone. I suppose it’s too late for me. One thing that made me sad this year was how many of my close friends find it hard to confide in me, and how I am not anyone’s go-to problem solver or confidant. That hurts, a lot. But things could be worse, people are dying and here I am complaining because I don’t have friends who want to tell me everything.

I think the highlights of my year were the moments when I was able to help people through hard times. See, I lost my sister 2 years ago and I didn’t properly grieve then, so I have spent a longer period of time paying for that. However, this year, I was able to reach out to some of my friends who had lost siblings and it was a rare moment of connection, talking to them and sharing experiences, one that I will cherish forever.

On the plus side, I graduated from the university this year and I can now write LL.B behind my name. Sadly, I have to wait for 10 months before I can go to law school. Blame the system. I also grew extremely close to God this year, I saved a decent amount of money, I didn’t have my customary menstrual pain every month (although when I did have it, it made up for all the months of ‘freedom’ I’d had). I am more mature in my thinking and behavior (eish stop thinking about me crying over my 50k), I learnt to depend more on people; I have always been a loner.

It’s only a couple of weeks to the end of the year, and I am a strong believer in last minute miracles. So I’m trusting God for a testimony, or a hundred, that will make all the water I wasted crying in 2016 worth it. And I’m looking forward to 2017, because life isn’t worth living without hope. And all of my hope is in God, Oba Onísé Ìyanu.

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