Dusk: Olise

Thanks for this opportunity hommies, I hope you can share my story as well. Sorry it’s long and rough; I tried hard not to write so much and not leave out any of the drama I experienced.  Cheers!!

There’s something about 2013 I didn’t like, right from 2012, looking back. Is it the number? It looked like one of those prime numbers, those weird numbers that stick out like a sore thumb because they don’t mix well with the others. Probably because it ended with 13. Alas, 2+0+1+3=6, so it is divisible by 3 , 11 etc. It’s just didn’t sound right still. I thought it was going to be a bizzare year. 2012 sounded way cooler, even though the Mayans got their predictions all wrong…even 2014 sounds better. 2013 was just odd. Alright, this has been a long and unnecessary foray into numerology.

January looked good. Spent the new year with family, endured the long sermons and prayer sessions with the folks, ate to the extent of my conscience’s wit, and just chilled on new year’s day. Can’t remember much of the events of the day. Blurrr…anyway, I was on holiday for the entire month cos I hadn’t gone on leave for 18months from mid-2011.

I was in love, again. It started sometime in Q3 2012, I whipped out a list, detailing what I wanted in a woman, at the instruction of a remarkable speaker. What do you know, a month later I reconnected with someone I knew in school days, and she nailed it. Picture perfect! I just had to make her my wife in 2013. It felt like the right thing to do. I was finally listening to the self-appointed committee of elders, concerned colleagues and marriage activists.

Sooo… We met the parents. I hadn’t proposed yet, but I knew it was just a matter of time. We had planned to take holidays in January, so we could take turns to meet the Byrnes & the Fockers respectively. I was at hers first. Such a wonderful mother-in-law. Bae is definitely a positive reflection of the woman who raised her. Salute!! Her dad is cool too, jovial, gregarious and tough-looking. Then it was the turn of her visit, timed to perfection cos she was in town for a wedding, so it looked like she was “passing by”. Strangely, my mum was quiet. Anyway I guess it was a lot to take for her, cos she had never met any of my girlfriends. I always knew my dad liked the word “no”, and he did say it before he met her. That was the beginning of an in-house WWIII, as I had my mind made up on her at that point. He eventually budged some months down the line.

I resumed in a new department in February, and it was quite different from the former, where I had to deal with a system that had fairly predictable outcomes; you put in X work, you get Y results. This one was different as it had too many variables and structural deficiencies affecting the output here…and as a result, the team didn’t have as much respect as they deserved despite the work, knowledge base and talent that reside there. It didn’t look so good, but I wanted to make a difference.

My first assignment I “inherited” was a troublesome and badly scoped project. It had gone through four project engineers before me, low on success and high on drama. I was warned to reject it. My enthusiasm and decent results before then said different. I was wrong.

Firstly, my BP went up. I used to hear of colleagues that slumped in the office, and this frustration might have been the end of me. I think the disagreement with my dad contributed to that as well as the strain it put on my relationship with bae at the time, combined with a chronic worrying habit, and my default state of disorganization, all at once. I decided to give less F at work. I took up other tasks within the team that were yielding results, and I was happier.

Then I gave her that ring in March, right after her birthday. Never seen her grin so widely. She glowed alright. Hehehe. Couple of weeks later, dad and I brought out the white flags. WWIII was over, and I had their blessings. Yippee!!

So, it was pretty much work-church-family-flights to see bae for a couple of months, as we lived in different states. She didn’t quite approve of my nightlife, so that had to go. It was an easy choice to make though, maybe not as easy as going celibate at the time – she had waited all her life, so I could as well wait a couple of months. As usual, I made some mistakes. I probably shared my fears a little too much, gave into temptation a little too often, looked in the rearview mirror a little too long, and steadied my footing a little too slowly. She was patient, forgiving, supportive and strong. Darn, she was perfect. Never had a love like this. She had to be the one. August was here.

Formally did the introduction, it turned out to be a small party. Her folks were really in the groove, and I loved this woman even more. Thanks to my aunt who facilitated everything. My dad even thought that the wedding was her idea. LMAO

Then on one beautiful (or fateful) Tuesday morning, the 27th of August to be precise, a few days to my birthday, bae calls me up to give me some good news. She found out a week earlier that our genotypes are the same, the notorious AS that has stood in the way of romance more times than I want to remember. Best news of the year! I was deflated, my life changed instantly. All the wedding plans, dreams of a life together, crashed around me like the walls of Jericho. WTH? I had told her some months earlier that if she was AS, I’d die. I lied. I didn’t die. I lived through hell.

Way before we started dating, I had gone digging and confirmed that she was AA. So this news wasn’t true. It had to be a mistake. Check one more time. One more. And again. Prayed. Fasted. Engaged friends and family in spiritual warfare. This genotype demon had to go down….even though deep within myself, all the doubts I ever had about settling down had come up to the surface. It was all medicine after death as I tried to put on a brave face.

I took a flight on Saturday, 28th September to break up with her. It was painful enough, knowing that the woman that loved me so much was hurting and I had estranged her because I couldn’t deal with this. The hardest part was knowing that she wanted to go on with this; she had so much faith. I just couldn’t gather enough momentum to reach escape velocity. This spaceship couldn’t take her to the moon.  I let her down. She looked so beautiful that day, and so cold. She had lost weight from the crying and pain. I trembled and bit my lips as I said those words. I left a chunk of me in her kitchen, where we stood and talked for the last time. As I walked away, she shoved the ring into my pocket. It no longer meant anything.

A couple of days later, at the office, I had to present all my achievements and learnings (or a semblance) over the past three years to management. I prayed for this to be postponed. I really wasn’t ready for this defining moment in my career. It eventually came to pass as scheduled, I barely talked through my scanty slides and paused a lot during the 20mins I was allocated. And they said I did well. That was clearly a miracle. During the feedback, I was so stunned my mouth was open. God, You have a way of doing Your thing. To know You more will be my life’s reward.

That miracle didn’t stop me from spiralling into self-destruct mode. Unprintable stuff, some of which might follow me to the grave. Too bad I didn’t do some of these things alone, so there’s a chance in the future (when I’m popular for the right reasons) for the past to churn up some decomposing filth. Lord have mercy. I need to come to terms with some people, and myself. Thankfully, this is the season of love and giving. Forgiveness should be easier right about now.

2014 will be a better year…there’s life to live, people to love, things to appreciate, work to get done, adventures to explore and simple pleasures to enjoy…and I’ll be marking a significant birthday. These numbers again. Gosh. When did these years go by??? I need to revaluate my bucket list. There are things on that list I want to do before I get too old. Hmmm…Brazil calleth unto me,  but I doubt that I could steer clear of latino-style hedonism if I made it there.

Let me end with some lyrics from one of my favourite songs, Craig David’s “World Filled With Love”:

‘Cause I’m a young heart living in a world filled with love
So when teardrops fall from me like rain from above 
I can brush my troubles away 
cos I know that deep down inside
I’ve got sunshine in my life..

Peace y’all! The best is yet to come…


This was… sighs. I felt the pain just reading this. All the best. Healing prayers going up.


I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.


  • Sirkastiq says:

    Reading this was even harder than talking about it but I’m glad you pulled through the storm
    Indeed we can look ahead and believ for better.
    To an awesome 2014.

  • Anothe heart break 🙁
    Two years ago I wrote a story about this on my blog and I remember not knowing how to conclude it. This is something I don’t wish for anybody.
    But you’ll pull through, you’ll survive. God has a plan even when we don’t understand.

    • Olise' says:

      I still don’t understand it, but one thing I know is that she’s come out stronger and even more beautiful. God’s faithfulness exceeds all temporary disappointments. Thank you. 🙂

  • Daginie says:

    Rarely comment in here but….sobs sobs….wailin’!

  • hahishaa says:

    Hmmmn this story right here. Can relate, been there done that. Excluding the marriage part tho. Goodluck with this in the new year. God’s blessings.

  • Ngozi says:

    This is jaw dropping….. Interesting piece!! You are a strong man, I dnt know hw many pple wld ve pulled tru this, even me (I’m dat weak). As they say ” everything happens for a reason ” it wasn’t easy bt God knows best . like you said, you have life and dat will bring yu so many good things esp this year. I actually tot i was the only 1 dat felt 2012/2013 was jst an awkward year. I believe so much in 2014. It is well my dear.

  • Kay says:

    …the night is darkest before dawn. You are wiser and all the more stronger going through this. 2014 will be a better year. Keep keeping on good brother.

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