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​Jer 29:11 ‘For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.’

I’m taking both. The future and the hope. – ME, JANUARY 2016

Growing up is hard. Kind of like losing a loved who has a terminal illness. You are expecting it but it still hits you hard when it comes. I had never been as broke as I was this year in my entire life. One day I got my salary alert and remembered all the things I needed to do and I burst into tears. Adulting is overwhelming. Being responsible, not just for yourself, but the ones behind you, not being able to take a break because you cannot, you just cannot. LOL.

It comes with challenging the lies you have believed as truth all your life, realizing that all that glitters could really just be sprayed sawdust. Learning, unlearning, relearning.  It is hard, no lie. But gold has to go through fire to be desirable, abi? So there is hope. And a future. A bright one, that eyes have not seen, nor ears heard nor minds conceived. Tomorrow will still be better.

Psalm 147:3 ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.’

I’m also taking the healing. For my heart, for my spirit, for my dreams. -ME, JANUARY 2016

You know how you feel when you are tired? Like totally, absolutely, without-any-doubt exhausted? That’s me as I type this. Life comes at you fast bruh. Yesterday by this time I was tired. But it was a good kind. I had just done the second edition of my relief project (the first one was during Easter) at Ago-Egun in Iwaya. It was bigger than I expected. My team had increased in size, we got so much donations, and we served so many people. We only had relief items – basic food items, books, and clothing items, but it was so much for those people. So much. I was humbled by how much I did have. In people. In family, in friends. And how much of my dreams I achieved. I planned one outreach program for the year, but I did two! I got a job, got promoted in 2 months, and in December, a new unit was created, the CSR unit, because the management was inspired by me! Me! And I am to head the unit too! How much more valid can my dreams be? Me, the girl that was a mannequin all through 2015. The one that replaced all her hopes and dreams with depression and despondency.  How much more healing does my heart need?

Once, I asked a man I was with at the time, what he thought my passion was. He said charity. I did not take him seriously. At the time, I had only ever talked about the things I wanted to do, I had not actually done anything. Turns out he was right. I cannot ever stop giving. Giving myself, my time, my resources.  It fills me. It completes me. Giving a little child a packet of noodles and watching her dance away, giving a teenager a book he needs at school and hearing his excited ’Ope o’, giving a housewife a bowl of Garri and hearing her say heartfelt prayers. Those are the things that complete me. Lift me up. Raise my spirits, give me hope. It’s another reason I cannot afford to be broke. Because He (will) put it in my pocket for someone else’s need.

John 14:27 ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give it to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid’.

Those too. Peace, Courage, Strength. Mine. – ME, JANUARY 2016

I took courage, peace and strength. It worked. I found courage to actually start the business I had been talking about. With no loans from anyone. I found strength. To pray, to fast, to stand, to forgive. And I found peace. This one was a battle. But I claimed it and I still am claiming it, even now. I have had to repeat John 14:27 to myself over and over again.  So even in the midst of trouble, when all looks bleak, when I am burned out and tired like I am at this moment, when I cannot type properly because tears have beclouded my vision, when my mind is everywhere because everything around me seems to be falling apart, I have peace. I have peace like a river, flooding my soul, wrapping me up in a sweet, warm embrace, enveloping me, whispering to me ‘Motunrayo, breathe’

I will never have a better last year. 2016 has attested to it. 2017 will be better.

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Now I’m happy that we donated to the Relief project and will continue to do so in the new year. God bless you Nwanyi Oma.

May your last year always be better the next year than it was the last year.