Dusk: Miss Anon

2016 shook me to my very foundation. 2016 got me to a point where I couldn’t form words to pray. When I kneel to pray, I just cry and speak in tongues because I don’t know the words.

January – March.

The year started out very normal, the festivities and celebrations and general joyful mood. I remember reading the yearly reviews for 2015 and wondering why my life was so uneventful and hoping I would be able to write for this year. Boy! Only if I knew. I was looking forward to going for my service year and everything looked perfect, or close to it. I was also going to finally lose the remaining weight I had left to lose after the 20kg I lost in 2015. Spent my days going to the gym, running at the stadium and learning how to swim.

April.

I got posted to my preferred state. I was ecstatic, everything in my life was falling in place. I would go for my service year, start admission processes for my Masters in the UK, and leave Nigeria immediately after my service.

I got to NYSC camp on the 27th of April, 2016. Camp was just a blur for me. Made very few friends and just generally slept and ate a lot. Left camp in May.

May.

Dad got suspended indefinitely for suspicion of fraud at his office. We were all angry. How dare they? We were going to get the best lawyers and sue them for every penny they had. Daddy was indignant. But I was convinced that we were fine, we could afford it, they would realize their mistake and call him back. So it was kind of a mini vacation.

My grandmother fell ill. She was losing weight and stooling and had patches on her skin which were itchy. She went for a series of tests. Turned out she had a cancerous growth in her liver. She’s too old for surgery so she has to take a particular drug everyday for the next 6 months or so. It costs 100,000 naira for pack which lasts for 3 weeks.

My brother, who is a sickle cell patient, had a bad crisis. He couldn’t walk. He had to move about in a wheelchair. He was admitted in the hospital for almost one month.

I was not home so I had to find out late, we were broke. We had no money. Daddy didn’t save.

June.

The first Sunday in church, I kept asking God why so many things were going wrong at the same time.

I was just coming out of the bathroom one morning when my sister called to tell me how the police came with my dad to the house to search it. My father was a suspect and had been detained. I sat naked on the floor and was crying. I didn’t understand. My sister was crying on the phone, my mother also called crying on the phone. We didn’t have anyone to call. They finally released him after we paid bail.

I was still at my NYSC state. My brother was still sick, my grandmother was still sick. We didn’t have money.

My birthday came and it was very uneventful. My house was on fire, celebrating was the last thing on my mind. What had we done to deserve this?

July-August.

My father was being arrested every week and we had to bail him out every time. His lawyers were almost not helping matters. Or so we thought.

My mum called me and was screaming “your daddy had killed me ooo!” and when I asked what happened, turns out my father was guilty all along. They were stealing money. The question was, where was the money? How did he spend it? The company claimed that he and his cohorts stole about 200 million in all and they wanted them to return it all. From where?

The culprits claimed they didn’t steal that much. They claimed they took and shared only about 50 million amongst themselves but the company wanted all 200 million back.

Remember, we were broke. No money at all. My mother was running the house on her own.

September – November.

My parents’ marriage is failing. They’re always fighting. Dad is still doing the dance with the police and his former office. They sacked him and have reported him to EFCC. He’s always broke. I didn’t think I would start sending my daddy money so soon. My mum doesn’t know I send him money because she will get angry. The recession isn’t helping matters. My siblings have had to grow up faster because money hardly comes from the house so everyone is taking care of themselves.

I have been dreading the festivities because I don’t know what state I’ll meet the house.

There’s a hammer hanging over our heads.. My father might go to jail.

December.

I’m learning to lean on God and let him comfort and take care of me. I have cried so much this year. I used to think I was strong but this year broke me and it still looks so bleak. I really hope that there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.

The year had some good notes though:

I learnt forgiveness and unconditional love. Forgiving my dad wasn’t easy but love forgives all things.

I learnt how to pay my tithe(always been lackadaisical about it).

I still have the most amazing boyfriend.

I’ve lost about 12kg since the beginning of the year. Even though my fitfam is in fits and starts, I’m doing okay.

I learnt how to swim. Yaay!

I also decided to change my career path completely and have made plans in that regard. Hoping for the best.

I have read about a hundred books this year.

Oh, and I made up a plan to complete reading the Bible in 6 months. On my 3rd week.

I’m putting everything in God’s hands, and I know that he will take care of me and my family.

Believing in Joel 2: 23-27 and praying for a better 2017.

 ———————————————–

A young woman that loves God, food, my family, my boyfriend, books and superheroes.

MissAnon

With a false name, I can be anybody..... anybody as long as I am careful about the way I write. All that anyone would see are my words, my feelings, me." - Orton Scott Card (paraphrased) Are you Miss Anon like me?

22 Comments

  • Tobi says:

    When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
    Isaiah 43:2 NLT
    Cheers to a better 2017 dear moss anon! !!

  • Joy E says:

    Dear Miss Anon,
    I pray 2017 is a better year for you, and that even in the last days of 2016, God will yet crown your year with goodness, show you a token for good. I pray for miracles in your life, that God will do what only He can do in your life and your family. I pray that you will come out of this whole experience stronger, wiser, better. I pray for grace and strength for your mum at this time. Take courage, sister. Beneath you are the everlasting arms.

  • Ogor says:

    All things are working together for your good. It may not be good to you, but it is good FOR you. You are in the arms of the one who will NEVER drop you. You can count on this.
    It is a mark of how much you have grown that you still have things to be thankful for. He will fill your mouth and your life with laughter so you have more to be thankful for.

    Hang in there. Hugs.

  • Lucia says:

    I finished reading this and said a little prayer for you and your family. This one too will pass. Hold on.

  • Dolapo says:

    I pray the year will end on a better note. I pray God will see your family through. I pray your brother and grandma will be healed. I pray for your dad, God help him. I pray for your mum, may God strengthen her and be her provider and source. I pray for you, may God be with you and help you through it all. Amen

  • highlandblue says:

    This whole “don’t tempt fate thing.” Reading some of these posts gives me the chills.

  • Olumide Maborukoje says:

    Wow. Let me just carry my small struggle and pim. Strength and grace and peace and love be yours.

  • Ayomi says:

    Hi,
    You don’t know me, but after reading your story, I feel like we’ve met and we’ve cried together while sharing each other’s burdens. I know what it feels like to have a father with no savings, and yet a pile load of bills to pay. I know what it feels like to have to send money to him, especially when it should be the other way around. I know what it feels like to have to grow up faster than you think you should. I know.
    Some days, I want to just give up and cry and I have asked God why several times. But my dear, after all your strength is gone, it’s only in Him that you can be strong.
    Let me just tell you this – Allow Him to take care of you. Don’t worry, don’t fret. As difficult as it may look, He’s got you. Whenever you feel like your world is crashing and the burden is too hard to bear, count your blessings.
    You have a supportive boyfriend, you are blessed. You have a job, one that affords you to send something home, you are not only blessed, but you are a blessing to others.
    You can’t beat yourself up for your father’s sins, he did them, not you. The best you can do is be the best daughter you can be to him. And pray for him. Pray for your mother too, she’s going through a lot. Pray for your siblings, they need you to be strong for them. Pray for your grandma, no matter what happens, she will be fine.
    God put you in that family for such a time as this, and you may not believe me, but you are well-prepared and enabled for this storm. But whatever happens, don’t let the storm get into you.
    Finally, Romans 8:37 – Despite ALL these things, overwhelming victory is ours, through Christ.
    You are victorious, not because of who you are but because of the one who lives in you. He isn’t surprised, He is never caught unawares, and He has it all under control. Just trust Him.

  • Sekinat says:

    Definitely Praying with and for you Miss. As cliché as this may sound “God got you” keep renewing your trust and hope in him. Peace, Love, Strength and More light for your path.

  • Omolara says:

    I am sorry for complaining about 2016.

    Dear Anon, the money part of your story was my 2012. Went from my nice flat in uni to living with a friend in Lagos. You know what? it going to get better, you will rise and all these would be history. I am sorry about your dad and everything else but i am not going to throw you a pity party cos girl!!! we rise above, we get better!
    I can’t wait to celebrate with you when you write your 2017 review.

    i’ll be here! Cheers!

  • Rose says:

    I hope for you Anon,it is well.

  • Olamide says:

    And this too shall pass… stay strong.

  • Clarion says:

    Wow. I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your family have been through this year. But I know this too shall pass. God is still on the throne. It is well. Huggggsss!

  • Jvmoke says:

    “When the Lord turned again the captivity of zion, they were like they that dream…then was their mouths filled with singing and their hearts with dancing…” Psalm 126.

    I pray that you remember this on the days the sun refuse to shine and the nights your eyes are unable to dim in sleep.

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