Dusk: ‘Jite

2015 was a good year for me.

For 5 years I have made decisions about my life and career that very few people seem to get. I refused to use my engineering degree. I worked in print and publishing, then volunteered at a non-profit, ran my own business for a short time and last year I moved to Lagos to work with a media/PR company.

I’ve been in Lagos for one year and five months. People tell me, ‘moving to Lagos was the right decision, see how much you’ve grown.’ I smile because I know that all the time I spent in Hadeija and Nnewi and Awka; all the times when I was told I was wasting my potential, all the times it seemed like I wasn’t making any progress were leading up to this point.
Towards the end of the year, I got a great writing gig on the side. I wasn’t even looking; one Facebook message and bam, I’m getting paid.

Lumps and Bumps
I’ve always believed in miracles, but not till I was prepped for surgery (with a big ass needle sticking out of my wrist, that stuff looked like a tap head) and the surgeon was about to cut a lump out of my breast and he couldn’t find it, did it really come home to me how much of a miracle I am. This was after two doctors had examined me and told me though it didn’t look like anything serious, I should undergo the surgery.

A long time ago, something bad happened. Some sense of self preservation made me forget. I would have flashes of memory at odd times; a word, a smell, a thought, a story. This year, there was just so much talk about rape and sexual abuse that I remembered much more than I had before. I still can’t look too closely at the memories but I have gotten on the path to what I believe is total healing. And somewhere on that path I will find the grace to forgive.

Friendship and Forgiveness
I’ve never lacked friends. Somehow for every stage of my life I’ve never been alone.
And just when I think, nah, I can’t make any more friends, where am I going to fit them? I meet more people who get me and love me regardless of all my skoin skoin (as I get older I seem to develop more of those).

This year I wasn’t there for my close friend when she needed me. And for a long time we weren’t talking. But she forgave me. Another friend who I’d offended years ago also came back into my life. It humbles me to realise that I am worth something to these two ladies and all the others who stay.

‘Anybody dey?’

Lol. For the first time in my life, my mum asked me about marriage. Not in a pressured way, just in passing, like ‘how far? Anybody dey?’ Me and my mum have always had this connection; like the woman always seems to have a mental device that beeps when anything flutters in my life. I’ve almost always been happy with my own company, but this year I got listless, I wanted more (and she sensed it). It does get lonely sha, not having anyone to call me and ask ‘what did you eat today?’ *sigh*

Family
I’m the last of plenty children so I decided by myself to adopt a brother and a sister, Runor and Eguono (more like they adopted me). I’m borderline psycho protective of them and I tend to be pushy but for some reason they still want me to be their ‘big sister’.

. . . and five other things

  1. I went for the Farafina Creative Writing Workshop and met the most amazing human beings. Last year, I came into my own as a writer. This year, I got some much needed validation for my editing.
  2. The last time I had cake was my first birthday. I got two cakes for my birthday this year. And one of them came from a woman I’ve never met, a Facebook friend who lectures outside the continent.
  3. I don’t have a car and I can’t afford to take cabs all the time but I went out more this year than all of my life combined. The importance of friends that have cars and are willing to give you rides home cannot be overemphasized. I still jumped danfo and okada plenty (at all hours), and I never had a bad experience.
  4. This is my last year in my twenties. I turn 30 in 2016. That alone is making me want this year to do and finish already.
  5. As I write this I’m plagued with guilt about my relationship with God. I know I should and can do something about it but I’m just here, typing this.

‘It’s not that deep’

I said that a lot this year. It helped me ignore the ephemeral and concentrate on the people and things that do matter. I laughed, I cried, I hugged, I danced in the street, I lived and I remember all of it. There was no need to forget.

Shameless plug: If you have a manuscript that needs editing, please email me at enajite.efemuaye@gmail.com. 

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Jite dear friend thank you very much for penning this review here. We’re extra glad to be a part of it! Thank you very much. I’m sending the invoice of your plug to your mailbox.

Enajite Efemuaye

Enajite is an editor, freelance writer and former graphic artist. She gets paid to read: a fact that does not cease to amaze her. She tweets about dodo and other randomness from @jyte12 and will edit your work for a reasonable fee.(enajite.efemuaye@gmail.com).

26 Comments

  • Yougeecash says:

    Precious sister!
    This had me smiling in different shades.
    I’m thankful that you had such a colorful year.
    A Mother’s worth is immeasurable. Amazing friends that come through for you are simply a gift from heaven.
    #SeizeTheBae2016. We move. I feel you. It really does get lonely.
    I was up at past midnight listening to Akon’s lonely. Because cold bed in far away Scotland. Beht we triumph still.
    May 2016 bring you more love, light, laughter and sunshine! Hugs

  • Osemhen says:

    🙂

    Loved reading this, Jite. Here’s to 2016!!!

  • Jvmoke says:

    I dont know which part made me smile more but i was smiling at the end.
    To 2016 and many more days that’ll need no forgetting.

  • Dami says:

    Hi Jite, I met you at Etisalat Literature awards. You rock! We would hang out more

  • Lucia says:

    We thank God for Sisters who let themselves be sisterlized. Is there a word like that? You know… #2016wemove!

  • Sharon says:

    Jite. Jite Jite. You’re amazing. And yes, you’re a miracle. Dassol.

  • Ugö says:

    Thumbs up Jite! Happy for your and cheers to a wonderful 2016 ☺☺

  • Lizzieebunoluwa says:

    First, let me calm down from Yougee’s laugh-inducing comment.

    Congratulations Jite. I’m thankful for your many miracles and for progress. That remains your default; progress in every ramification.
    P.s; I think your mom is bae.
    P.p.s; What did you see in Nnewi? I’ve run away from that town all my years .
    P.p.p.s; I join the #Seizethebae2016Wemove prayer for you.

    Cheers!

  • Tega says:

    You did have a great year and it seems 2016 is looking up too. Lovely piece! On a lighter note, dodo sure is bae lol

  • @eloxie says:

    Yaaaaay!!! I love you Jite and I’m glad for your 2015.
    Reading this review brought me so much peace and reminded me of you in 2014 and how much you have come into your own. Thanks for taking risks and for reminding us that everything we learn comes together when we need them to make us strong. It’s so easy to forget that we are a sum total of our experiences (good, bad, all of them) and we often assume events are incidental to the most proximate circumstances.

    It’s been an honour to know you, like having a sister call you on speed dial and tell you stuff Mum and Dad must not hear because it’s not quite ‘done’ but trusting that your advice will help. That’s how I feel with you.

    God is there with you, even though you may not feel Him and you know He’s waiting for you to start that conversation you’ve been meaning to have. You’ll be amazed at how soothing that will be. Sometimes, the wordless conversations are the best, just don’t leave it too long please.

    Here’s to an amazing 2016.
    You rock!

    • Enajyte says:

      I am not going to cry
      I am not going to cry

      *bursts into tears*

      Happy tears of course. Thanks Eloho. This means so much.

      And yes, I am having that conversations with God.

  • Clarion says:

    Anytime I think of you Jite, I think “badass, tough-as-nails correct warri girl” Lol. (don’t ask me why!) I’m really glad 2015 turned out great for you. The years of sacrifices, tough decisions and all paid off. Here’s to an even more amazing 2016. *clinks glass*

    • Enajyte says:

      Looool. I accept only Warri girl, the rest, I dinor know what you’re talkumbout.

      Thanks mama fine babies. *clinks glass*

  • Rolayo says:

    Please your number 3 point had me screaming Amen!
    Thank God for the car-less period of life. I constantly remind myself to thank God while I am walking, standing on long queues and on bikes. Thank God for great friends and family who will take you places too.

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