Dusk: Janet

I dreamed a dream – Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables)

     “… Still I dream he’ll come to me
       And we’ll live the years together
       But there are dreams that cannot be
       And there are storms we cannot weather. ”

I started this year full of hope, dreams and promises of a new life.

I was gonna get engaged to the Love of my life, my one and only,  whom I’d been dating for 9 years. Our introduction was to come in November. Who knew we were gonna break up few days to our 10th anniversary? For several weeks afterwards, I remained in denial. Hoping he would come back to me.

I kept holding on to that dream.

      “I had a dream my life would be
       So different from this hell I’m living
       So different now from what it seems
       But life has killed the dream I dreamed. ”

This year, I got raped by a friend. And I didn’t press charges because I didn’t want my parents to find out.
I was depressed and angry at life and everything.

Thank God for friends who are actually more like brothers, Lanre and Tokunboh;
They stood by me and prevented me from ending my own life.
Yet, when the rapist came crying and begging for forgiveness,
I forgave him and took back all the curses I laid on him.

And then, I found peace.
I started to love myself again.

        “And so long, my love
         Although I haven’t had enough
         Enjoy your life beyond,
         As long as you are now happier”

(Memoriam – Toya Delazy)

I realised I had to forgive my boyfriend. I also came to the realisation that it was truly over. And I let go.
         
PEACE!!! *arms spread out with my eyes closed*
            
This year, my life has been on pause. I neither moved backwards nor forward. Now that 2014 is fast approaching, it’s time to press PLAY.

This year has been the most traumatic year for me, yet the best year in terms of growth. I have grown. I’m wiser. I have learned to forgive and let go. I have learnt to love myself and find peace within. And I’m grateful to God for all the experiences of this year; it made me realise how strong I am and how important friendship is.

Come January 1st 2014, I’m going to cut my hair. Let it go with all the sadness of 2013 and start a new life.
A life full of greater hopes and dreams…I am ready to love and be loved again.
             
COME 2014.

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Read this and caught myself wishing this year’s memories could be wiped clean from your mind like a whiteboard. Can’t wait for you to love and be loved again Janet. Thanks for sharing.