Where do I begin?
Honestly I am tired, I am very tired. I am thinking of changing my name to Lola or Laide or anything that starts with an L with the amount of Ls I have gotten in my adult life because O ti su mi (I am tired). Pretty sure this year has been a rollercoaster ride for everyone and I personally feel like I was in a battle that I don’t even know if I won or lost .I am just drained.
As usual with new Years we come in with such high expectations, resolutions and goals, that didn’t happen for me at the beginning of 2016. I had no expectation; I just came into the year sha. I was unhappy, nothing was going as planned for me and I just had no expectation of what the Year was going to bring.
Anyways it’s been an interesting year so far and I am thankful despite.
This year has been a blur, can’t even remember anything about this year because it has been so difficult. I later found time to set goals for myself this year, reluctantly and achieved everything I set out to do. Now I know I sound ungrateful since I was able to achieve and get almost everything i wanted but wait…let me explain
You know how you set out to go somewhere especially in Lagos for instance, you are excited to go to this amazing place you cant even sleep. You get up early, get your hair done, exfoliate (exfoliate guys, major key) and get your makeup done. In your bomb outfit, your phone fully charged, you get in your car, put on music and you are on your way. Sounds like a plan abi?
15 minutes into your trip, you enter the mother of all traffics, your car AC doesn’t work well inside this Hot Lagos sun so you start sweating, your car is making one funny sound and in your mind you are like “hayyy God. Makeup is shifting and melting on your face and you have spent 2 hours at one spot. Then you see some cars turning into a corner, you follow them maybe you can cut off the traffic. The road is terrible but you follow them, then you realise it’s a One-Way road but you are already there no other car behind and you are just praying to not enter LASTMA trap. Well, you manage to almost get out of the road and as you turn you see FRSC and you slowly die inside as they tell you to park.
Then you start begging “uncle please, i didn’t know it was One-Way o, please “they tell you Lailai you are following them to their office. 30 mims later, you are still begging and begging. They decide to “help “you and tell you to bring 5k. The only 5k in your purse for rocks you give them and they let you go.
Finally you get to your destination 5 hours after you left home and the party has even ended. You ask for food and they tell you “Aunty there’s rice o but meat has finished” You are hungry and you say bring it like that.
See how that scenario went? That was exactly how my year went. I finally set goals and got a bit excited and got to work. Everything was HARD, I was frustrated, I have never contemplated ending my life before but it crossed my mind this year. I thought maybe I should just end everything. I finally got everything I wanted but I wasn’t even happy because the road there was too hard, too difficult. In the end i felt undeserving and wanted to not even have it anymore.
But I am learning to have hope again, I am smiling, I am learning maybe there was a reason for that. I am learning maybe next year will be better and i am learning to be hopeful all in all.
This is a story about Thankfulness and Hope. Even as I end this year in debt, 2017 will be better and I am trying to be happy again.
Honestly many times I’ve compared Nigeria to three days okro soup. It’s so hard to just be basic and normal here. Everyone is trying to take and take from you and it does get tiring. I hope this gives us valuable lessons we can use to break free from this one day.
Thank you for sharing Gbemi!