Day 8 : FedUpLad

This is my first time appearing on this blog. I was a bit skeptical about doing this at first, but I felt I should share my story, if only it’d help one person. I’m not a fan of long and boring pieces of writing, so I’ll try to keep my story brief.

I started the year with little or no expectations on how it was going to pan out. There were no resolutions, no words that would carry me through the year, there was nothing. I remember thinking how weird the whole New Year’s Day was and how empty it felt amidst the fireworks and knockouts. Well, I guess when you have no expectations, time flies. January quickly turned to April with me wondering where the time had gone.

I guess my year really started in April when I resumed school. It was a month of a lot of new things: a new room, a new school environment, even a new means of transport (I purchased a bicycle). Well, I was to find out that most new things get old and boring fast. The room turned out to be a disaster; there was hardly any power supply, and when there was power, the voltage was next to useless. The school environment, which was meant to be my most exciting bit of the year, was frustrating, to say the least.

Although I was having less lectures than last year, it seemed time kept on disappearing in ways I cannot explain. And as if to crown it all, it was clear that my workload was bound to increase. As I write this, my bike is currently without a functioning seat, has a flat tire, and the gears are in need of servicing; all these problems stemming from being too generous with it.

Basically, whatever depression I felt last year came back to me, now taking a scary new form; apathy.

That was pretty much how my year ran till about October, then everything changed. This change is what prompted me to ask Efe for the opportunity to share my story. For about 6 years, I had struggled with an addiction to pornography and masturbation, an addiction which slowly morphed into a craving for sex that could get so bad. It had lots of negative effects on my life. I struggled with shame and depression every time I masturbated or had sex. But still I could not get myself to stop. I didn’t have anyone I knew would help to talk to about it. And when I did talk to people, I did that without really wanting to be helped. For some of you reading this, it may seem trivial, like “Ahn ahn, common porn and masturbation and you’re feeling bad.” That’s how much we’ve gotten used to the depravity that plagues our generation. Twitter almost made me believe that porn and masturbation were part of everyone’s lives. That thinking slowly worsens our standards to the point where premarital sex and its sequelae are the norm. I apologize for digressing.

In October, I encountered God in a way I never had before, and it came with a satisfaction that porn, masturbation or premarital sex had never given. All this while, this love and deliverance had waited for me. For 6 plus years, and all I had to do was just acknowledge my need for help. I thank God for making the right people available to help me.
From that time, I became the happiest person I know.

A lot has changed these past 2 months. Changes that I do not regret in any way. My story may not have an impact on a lot of people, but I have a feeling it’d touch at least one person. If you find yourself in a similar position, plagued with an addiction, be open about it to the right people, and I believe God will use those people to help you. You may ask how one can find the right person to talk to. All you need to have is the need to stop, and God will position the right people in your life, I tell you no lies. Do not believe for once that any form of addiction is normal. And for those of you battling with depression and struggling to find happiness, I end with this verse from scripture:

And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT).

Stay positive. Have a wonderful new year.

===================

My days! This verse was given to me by my mother when I had my exact same struggles with this. It was such a mantra then. I would run all my thoughts by it and refuse to dwell on anything that did not fit in line. Gosh. Thank God for this article and your courage to share it with us. 

I pray that all the things that are withering in your life receive the touch of life that your mind has received and that you move from autumn to the spring of life in exactly the same way. See you next year. Amen.

Feduplad

A young man learning to live a happy life.

27 Comments

  • Omofola says:

    This touched me.

  • omniphysics says:

    Salute !

  • Ogenna says:

    I’m proud of who you’re becoming.
    God bless you.

  • Enajyte says:

    Thanks for sharing.

    “All you need to have is the need to stop, and God will position the right people in your life, I tell you no lies.” That is so true,

    I pray you always find help when you need it.

  • Toluwase says:

    My guy. Bless you

  • XLL says:

    I’ve had to struggle with this as well for the past 8 years and i pray i get delivered. Lately it has become worse and i feel like i can’t get it right with God again. I know your post is timely and i would hold on to God’s word in this and hope i find peace in my heart soon.

    Thank you once again and God bless you for this.

  • Abigail says:

    Let me join the church in saying Amen. That scripture was and is still a great help when I’m overwhelmed by improper thoughts. It helps to mentally switch channels. Salute!

  • Tae says:

    Hi FedUpLad, you wrote this for me. I’m the one person you are trying to reach and I sincerely believe that like you I’ll share my victory over pornography and masturbation next year. Thank you so much for sharing. Could you drop your email so we’d talk more?

  • iskminov says:

    Thank you for sharing, boss.

  • Tunrayo says:

    Thank you..

  • Omokhenie says:

    🙂 🙂 Im super proud of you.. even if i dont know you.. i am proud

  • 'Defolu says:

    Thank you so much for this post. If I wanted to talk about how much I relate to this, I’d right an entire post (thinking of it now, I really don’t know why I’m hesitant about sharing my 2015, sigh).

    I’ve had this similar struggle for a long time up until the 2nd quarter of this year and overcoming it was one of the victories God gave me (I’m aware there’ll be several situations that’ll test this victory but Devil ? you can’t do me nateeen cos I’m dependent on the strength of The Most High). My addiction wasn’t even on pornographic videos and the sorts but romantic fiction with explicit descriptions of sexual activities, OH Jesus! I was a slave to them Romance novels.

    God started a really serious work on my deliverance the later part of this year by first giving me the strength to dump these novels, replacing them with the Bible, Devotionals and because I couldn’t give up reading Romance fiction like that, I moved to Francine Rivers and Karen Kingsbury’s books. I’m thankful that it is no longer a daily struggle. ?

    I did end up writing a post ?I’m sorry.

    • highlandblue says:

      Thank you very much for this. We accept your post

    • Amiee says:

      OMG!! This is me. I practically go out of my way to look for novels and erotica with very vivid sexual descriptions. Its so bad that when I’m making out with bae(we don’t have sex, just making out), I usually imagine that I am the female character in the book while bae is the male character and then I imagine all the making out scenes in the book and that is the only way I get turned on. I don’t want to continue like this because we are planning to get married soonish and I hate to think that the first time I would have ex with my husband, it would be because I was aroused and turned on by an imaginary character in a stupid book by an author that do not even know me. I have prayed and cried about this but still yet to get my deliverance. Still believing though.

      Thank God for you FedUpLad, your deliverance is permanent and I decree that I am next in line for a total deliverance from this addiction

  • eloxie says:

    Thank you for shining your light. !!!
    I celebrate your victory and thank God for the people he positioned to be there for you and I totally agree Phil. 4:8 is just the word.

    This resonated with me “That’s how much we’ve gotten used to the depravity that plagues our generation… that thinking slowly worsens our standards to the point where premarital sex and its sequelae are the norm.” God bless you!!!

    Have a fantastic 2016.

  • Clarion says:

    God bless you for sharing this. I have a close friend who is struggling with this addiction too. I think the first step to victory is acknowledging you have a problem and willingness to change/get help. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s there yet. He says “it’s better to masturbate than to fornicate” I will show him this post, I hope it helps him get on the right track. God bless you.

  • Arike says:

    God bless you!

  • Sharon says:

    See, I feel you. I understand you perfectly, because this was me. And I had also started believing that there was nothing wrong with me. I spiraled. But God picked me up and took the desires away. Recently, they’ve been trying to make their way back into my life. Thank you for this. Thank you so much.

  • FedUpLad says:

    Thanks a lot guys. A huge thank you for reading. I am truly overwhelmed with the response to this story. I pray that whoever has gone/is going through the same struggles, God will shower with grace.

  • Lizzieebunoluwa says:

    Bless your heart for sharing!
    Congratulations on this remarkable victory! God be praised!

  • JoshiE says:

    Proud of You…
    #VeryProud

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: