This is my first time appearing on this blog. I was a bit skeptical about doing this at first, but I felt I should share my story, if only it’d help one person. I’m not a fan of long and boring pieces of writing, so I’ll try to keep my story brief.
I started the year with little or no expectations on how it was going to pan out. There were no resolutions, no words that would carry me through the year, there was nothing. I remember thinking how weird the whole New Year’s Day was and how empty it felt amidst the fireworks and knockouts. Well, I guess when you have no expectations, time flies. January quickly turned to April with me wondering where the time had gone.
I guess my year really started in April when I resumed school. It was a month of a lot of new things: a new room, a new school environment, even a new means of transport (I purchased a bicycle). Well, I was to find out that most new things get old and boring fast. The room turned out to be a disaster; there was hardly any power supply, and when there was power, the voltage was next to useless. The school environment, which was meant to be my most exciting bit of the year, was frustrating, to say the least.
Although I was having less lectures than last year, it seemed time kept on disappearing in ways I cannot explain. And as if to crown it all, it was clear that my workload was bound to increase. As I write this, my bike is currently without a functioning seat, has a flat tire, and the gears are in need of servicing; all these problems stemming from being too generous with it.
Basically, whatever depression I felt last year came back to me, now taking a scary new form; apathy.
That was pretty much how my year ran till about October, then everything changed. This change is what prompted me to ask Efe for the opportunity to share my story. For about 6 years, I had struggled with an addiction to pornography and masturbation, an addiction which slowly morphed into a craving for sex that could get so bad. It had lots of negative effects on my life. I struggled with shame and depression every time I masturbated or had sex. But still I could not get myself to stop. I didn’t have anyone I knew would help to talk to about it. And when I did talk to people, I did that without really wanting to be helped. For some of you reading this, it may seem trivial, like “Ahn ahn, common porn and masturbation and you’re feeling bad.” That’s how much we’ve gotten used to the depravity that plagues our generation. Twitter almost made me believe that porn and masturbation were part of everyone’s lives. That thinking slowly worsens our standards to the point where premarital sex and its sequelae are the norm. I apologize for digressing.
In October, I encountered God in a way I never had before, and it came with a satisfaction that porn, masturbation or premarital sex had never given. All this while, this love and deliverance had waited for me. For 6 plus years, and all I had to do was just acknowledge my need for help. I thank God for making the right people available to help me.
From that time, I became the happiest person I know.
A lot has changed these past 2 months. Changes that I do not regret in any way. My story may not have an impact on a lot of people, but I have a feeling it’d touch at least one person. If you find yourself in a similar position, plagued with an addiction, be open about it to the right people, and I believe God will use those people to help you. You may ask how one can find the right person to talk to. All you need to have is the need to stop, and God will position the right people in your life, I tell you no lies. Do not believe for once that any form of addiction is normal. And for those of you battling with depression and struggling to find happiness, I end with this verse from scripture:
“And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT).
Stay positive. Have a wonderful new year.
My days! This verse was given to me by my mother when I had my exact same struggles with this. It was such a mantra then. I would run all my thoughts by it and refuse to dwell on anything that did not fit in line. Gosh. Thank God for this article and your courage to share it with us.
I pray that all the things that are withering in your life receive the touch of life that your mind has received and that you move from autumn to the spring of life in exactly the same way. See you next year. Amen.