I wrote a resolution. I screamed “Happy new year!” at 12:01am. I was at church. I prayed. I danced and sang praises with others. I smiled. I laughed. But down in my soul was bleakness and anger. My dad left home for work, one day towards the end of 2015 and never returned. I never even got to see his corpse, hence my anger but I learned that life owes me no explanation. I am moving on.
I know, Stories asked us for a review, not to come out and whine but I sat in front of my screen several times to write something that will really read like a story but I can’t just help sounding off. Need I mention that 2016 is/was also my year of writer’s block? I barely wrote anything at all but I tried.
So this is me ranting, forgive me.
If asked to give a theme to my 2016, it will be: 2016, nothing person eye no see.
2016, I experienced the depressing effects of patriarchy. Being female in this part of the world can almost be equated to being under a curse.
2016, I left home. I went back. I am trying to run again. Maybe running is a side effect of loss.
2016, I lost friends. Some stopped talking to me because I was simply being an ass-hole and I know, I suck at being a friend so I said bye-bye to them as well.
2016, I was robbed of my computer, in the most unimaginable of ways. I cried and cried but what has happened has happened. I am still trying to stay sane from the loss of my works.
Never in my life have I ever felt so abandoned. Most of the time, these were the waters I sailed on in the boat of 2016; pain, loss, abandonment and more loss.
But to say all I experienced was loss and pain would be a lie. There were moments of happiness, even though most were short-lived, I am grateful for them. I met few new people, I am grateful for them.
I am grateful for Joy Bewaji, she is woman goals! I have learned a whole lot from her, top of the list is learning to own my shit. She is a doer. Plus she gave me my first proper writing job.
I am grateful for Charles Bassey, I am learning friendship from him and probably, how to not suck at being a friend.I am grateful for Patience Andrew, just grateful.
I am grateful for Stories and the opportunity to rant on their page.
I am stronger. I am wiser. I am better. I have experienced growth, it doesn’t matter that part of it was negative, it’s still growth.
I won’t promise to stop running in 2017, I won’t promise to be a better writer, I won’t even write a resolution but I will try to unite with life as it unfolds.
May 2017 be better.