Day 8: Farida
I wrote a resolution. I screamed “Happy new year!” at 12:01am. I was at church. I prayed. I danced and sang praises with others. I smiled. I laughed. But down in my soul was bleakness and anger. My dad left home for work, one day towards the end of 2015 and never returned. I never even got to see his corpse, hence my anger but I learned that life owes me no explanation. I am moving on.
I know, Stories asked us for a review, not to come out and whine but I sat in front of my screen several times to write something that will really read like a story but I can’t just help sounding off. Need I mention that 2016 is/was also my year of writer’s block? I barely wrote anything at all but I tried.
So this is me ranting, forgive me.
If asked to give a theme to my 2016, it will be: 2016, nothing person eye no see.
2016, I experienced the depressing effects of patriarchy. Being female in this part of the world can almost be equated to being under a curse.
2016, I left home. I went back. I am trying to run again. Maybe running is a side effect of loss.
2016, I lost friends. Some stopped talking to me because I was simply being an ass-hole and I know, I suck at being a friend so I said bye-bye to them as well.
2016, I was robbed of my computer, in the most unimaginable of ways. I cried and cried but what has happened has happened. I am still trying to stay sane from the loss of my works.
Never in my life have I ever felt so abandoned. Most of the time, these were the waters I sailed on in the boat of 2016; pain, loss, abandonment and more loss.
But to say all I experienced was loss and pain would be a lie. There were moments of happiness, even though most were short-lived, I am grateful for them. I met few new people, I am grateful for them.
I am grateful for Joy Bewaji, she is woman goals! I have learned a whole lot from her, top of the list is learning to own my shit. She is a doer. Plus she gave me my first proper writing job.
I am grateful for Charles Bassey, I am learning friendship from him and probably, how to not suck at being a friend.I am grateful for Patience Andrew, just grateful.
I am grateful for Stories and the opportunity to rant on their page.
I am stronger. I am wiser. I am better. I have experienced growth, it doesn’t matter that part of it was negative, it’s still growth.
I won’t promise to stop running in 2017, I won’t promise to be a better writer, I won’t even write a resolution but I will try to unite with life as it unfolds.
May 2017 be better.
Amen, may 2017 be better! !!
Amen, Farida.
Here’s to 2017 and all the good it brings your way!
Hugs..
Amen!
There are depths of sadness even writing cannot be done from. I pray when Dec 31 2016 comes, there is a silver lining in your 2016 cloud. Love you Farida
My Farida. You will always have a friend in me. I miss you and I hope next year is better.
Amen.
Growth is painful. But God is drawing you close and comforting you especially in the place of loss and abandonment.
Light has shone on you! Arise!
It is getting better.
Farida! You epitomize resilience! It doesn’t matter whether there are moments of low, that is the pattern of life. You have a hand…never fail to use it! And you have a heart, protect it! The future is Now and you Are!