365 days ago I did not have the words. They, like every other thing I’d anchored in, everything I’d rested on, had deserted me. I struggled to speak without crying, to stand with crumpling, to breathe, to not breathe; to exist. Waking up was an unwelcome necessity, sleep a fleeting relief.
You know how they say weeping endures only for a night…etc.? Good Morning Guys!!!
Textgram as seen on Ms_Dania’s Instagram
01 November 2013
The night of the day I put that up was the day my night began. One singular event. It was like a signal to the rest of my life, the rest of my anchors; like a pack of cards in a cruel game of dominoes, everything gave way. Everything. Within the space of one week, all the things that I considered ‘morning’ in my books had disappeared. I was left grappling in the darkness; struggling to hold on to the shadows that were left in their wake. I fought to hold on to them; the shadows. They weren’t my morning, but they were familiar. I refused to let go.
But how do you hold on to a shadow?
…today I had an out of body experience; it felt like I stepped out of myself, and looked at me and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Like, Ada, na you be this??
-Culled from Dania’s Journal
10 December 2013
You know, depression is a curious thing. I spent half of that period being surprised at myself, and what was happening to me. Me. Me. A ‘whole’ me.
But, God.
365 days after, and I have nothing but words.
Broken.
Crushed. Melted.
Watered. Mixed. Moulded.
Fired. Formed. Chipped. Shaped.
Adorned.
My God.
Healer.
Father. Saviour.
Teacher.
Friend. Friend. Friend.
Abba. Lord.
Oh, the lessons!
Humbled.
Better. Wiser.
Stronger. Less Selfish. More Confident.
Softer. Much Softer.
Refocused. Re-anchored.
Rebirthed.
Then, restoration.
Exceeding. Abundant.
More. So much more.
My Goodness.
Double. Triple. Quadruple.
Mornings. Oh so bright.
Elevation. Oh so high.
Mind Blown.
It’s been one heck of a ride, 2014. Easily my worst, and then my best year yet. 180 degrees in 365days. It doesn’t make sense how this happened. If anyone had told me I’d be where I am now, I’d have shouted them down, and laughed them away. But hey, He never promised to ‘make sense’, now did He?
Forecast for 2015: jdhgdjhjfhjgh675274574kjhjkdfhgkjhgklhdkf&^!@#@#%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
====================
Dania is just… Dania. Thank you for putting it so poetically. Thank you.