Hey, I was going through my old laptop and I saw the folder I created for us back then in 2009. So long ago now. The pictures you sent me, the emails I saved in there, the poems, yes, the poems. the erotic and the romantic ones, I still have them. I know this revelation might surprise you knowing how nonchalant I was about you then. About us. I blame myself for that. You showed me love like no other, talked to me and with me all through my sad times (had too many of those, didn’t I? Lol)
I write you today not to beg you to come back to me but to explain why I gave us no chance to grow.
That year she broke your heart, she made you cry. Tore you apart and threw your love back in your face and just after that, we met. You opened up to me and told me everything you could never tell any other person. I comforted you as a true friend should. I saw how good a man you were to her and wished someone could love me as fiercely as you did her. I wanted you in my life so bad but you always, always talked about her (just so you know, it hurt). I accepted you’d never get over her and I encouraged you to go back to her. You tried, she rejected you then you came back to me.
A few weeks after, you said you were in love with me. I rejected you as well. It broke you but it broke me more. I felt you wanted to use me to get over the love of your life. I could never take that. I was angry you turned out to be a typical man. I was angry you couldn’t just love me naturally but as a rebound. You promised to love me till the end of time and sent me the best poems to back it up seeing as you communicated better through them but I could never be a replacement girlfriend. We had a fight, a petty fight and we stopped talking. Then I left Nigeria.
January 2012, I saw your name online, for more than three years we had not talked. I lost all my contacts (and so did you I assume). I sent you a private message and we started talking again. I was so happy and still very much in love with you. We caught up so quickly, the chemistry was surprising. You said you never stopped loving me and I said “me too”. We talked about these feelings and basked in them for so long. I was waiting for you to just formally ask me out but just then you fessed up you were now engaged.
It had been three years I know, but my world came crashing before my eyes. I cried for every night we talked (which was everyday). Now I wanted you back in my life so bad. You also told me you wanted us to be together. You asked if I was ready to love you again, that you’d leave your new woman for me. I couldn’t have that again because not only would I be causing another woman pain, but I’d be a replacement girlfriend again. I wanted you to love me first and not as a replacement. You said I was the only person that could love and understand you in the way no other woman could. I know that too because we are soul mates. We’ve cried together, laughed together, I helped you grow as you helped me grow. You’re the one person I respected as a partner, the one I jokingly (but seriously) asked to father my unborn babies. The most intelligent man I’ve ever met. The calmest lover ever, the perfect complement to my fiery attitude. The man I long to hold and call mine forever (sigh)
Although now we have accepted our fate to be best friends forever, I want you to know I still love you very much. You’ll always be the one that got away. The one I would never have.