2014 was HELL!
I don’t know where to start from. Ordinarily, I never put my stuff out there but reading people’s reviews last year helped me a lot so I decided to do it this year. There were times I almost backed out but I knew there was no plausible excuse to give Efe.
I entered 2014 really sick. I had overworked my body in Ondo where I was serving and getting back to Lagos, I just shut down. You wouldn’t blame my body, I had been doing 7am – 7pm on the Computer, and sometimes I worked well into the midnight collating/sending data to WHO and Ministry of Health. It’s not like when I was leaving I was even acknowledged. I learnt my lesson there, work hard but not to the extreme. Notwithstanding, I was proud of myself for representing my family and school well. I mean, I was the best worker there.
I completed my service year in June and all I can say is that if not for God and my mother’s prayers, it would have been a different story. The “town” was a possessed land; nobody can tell me otherwise. My house was a stone’s throw from an Ogboni temple. Like that wasn’t enough, my landlord was a jazzman, maybe he and the rams that came in the midnight to start bleating in front of the house were doing things together. I prayed those rams away before I left there though.
See me thinking that NYSC was going to be the toughest part of the year. I came back from service to meet a broke house. My Dad did not inform us and went to do some business deals or whatever with a really huge sum of money and bla bla bla, long story short, money no dey. Nobody bothered to inform me of this before I came back, I would have saved allowee not relying on the fact that my parents would sort out my finances. Like, they were still sending me money in Ondo.
Things were really bad, with my Mother telling me uncountable times that the only reason she hadn’t committed suicide was due to the Hell clause fear involved. The first time she said that, I almost ran mad. Then she started praying for the Rapture to take place right away. I had to keep it in, be the strong one and it was only God and my pillows that saw my tears. It was hard; I have never experienced this before, I am barely 22, why now?! I didn’t have a job so I couldn’t assist in finances. At a point I resented my Father. I didn’t talk to him; I mumbled greetings and couldn’t be with him in the same room for more than some seconds. Even serving his food became difficult. That was when I knew I had a problem; I really battled with God and prayed the resentment off.
Seeing that I was slowly going crazy, I had to start opening up to close friends and let them see the pain and hurt behind the smile. Things are still bad but I have hope that everything good will still come and that the sunshine behind this cloud is massive.
2014 was the year the Devil really tried me. Like all the family issues weren’t enough, my health issues resurfaced. Last year, I bled for about 2-3months straight, it was hell. I always got stained in public, and after a while, I stopped going out. I used at least two packs of sanitary days in a day. Did series of tests in different hospitals and there was nothing that could be pinned as the cause. Doctors were confused, it was sha called hormonal something something and I was on drugs to control it before I went for prayers then it stopped. Then, last week of October this year, BAM! This was when I finally broke down in every way; my spirit couldn’t go through that stress and embarrassment again. In pain whilst I’m typing this but I’m still looking within myself for the zeal to fight/pray against this affliction. I am tired.
My 2014 still had some good in it though; I was the best/improved version of myself this year. I am very proud of the woman I grew into this year. I learnt French and read lots of autobiographies and memoirs this year. My favorite is still Chuck Norris’; his faith in God shone through the pages of the book. There was no time to fall in love this year and all those people in my life that have always put me in unnecessary emotional stress, I cut them off from my life this year. My tolerance level for nonsense hit rock bottom this year. I also opened up more to my friends, not bottling everything in like I used to, because I couldn’t handle everything on my own and I can feel the difference in my relationships: they are more vibrant and rewarding.
Spiritually, although I became more aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, my spiritual life left a lot to be desired. However, suddenly I couldn’t stand secular music anymore and deleted them from my devices. Looking back now, I see that He already knew what I was going to meet in Lagos and knew that it is not “Dorobucci” and the like that would inspire me and strengthen me against the wiles of the Devil.
Career wise, I finally found my path. Getting a job has not been easy as I expected and due to cash flow issues, I couldn’t write any professional exams. Not like I could even read anything.
My friends came through massively for me this year. Dara, PBFL, Jewel, Asampete et al. Having friends that are always ready to listen and pray with you makes life a lot easier.
Twitter is not just a social media interface o. I appreciated it more this year. During moments when I was overwhelmed and barely holding it in, twitter always came to the rescue:
@IjOkeagu whose tweets always came at the right time like it was meant for me (I can never forget her John 6:21 tweet),
@Prince_II and @manmustwack, whose TLs was for when I needed to really laugh,
@Nugwatweets and @mynameisuche who gave me hope that God fearing men were still out there plus inspiring me,
@anafricandiva my big sis on twitter and my go-to source on all things Urhobo (Urhobo Wado!),
@Moyo_A, @Koromone, @Jollz for their tweets about their Christian journey and all that,
@Missigho, @Hl_Blue, @Sirkastiq, @iamsupervillain and other tweeps.
I’m so grateful to you all trying to cheer others despite whatever you might have been going through.
Numbness is my state of mind right now. Yes, my account is still blood red, I’m still sick, there’s no peace in my home, but I am still standing! Thankful for Life, Love, Family and the Church of GOD!
Dear God, Your baby girl is just here raising a glass of wine up to you and saying a heartfelt toast to your unending love and mercies through the years especially the one just gone by. She believes that the best is yet to come and that 2015 will be the best year of her life so far. Here’s to You, Cheers!! Xoxo
So 2014 after all your gra gra, VENI, VIDI, VICI!!
I felt goose bumps while reading this. Fola, let me tell you, you’ve already won.