So I stumbled upon this guest writers gig and straight away I wanted in and got a date a couple of hours later. Yeah, so the problem that I was faced with was how exactly do I write all the events of my life in 2012? Do I really want everyone who reads this blog to know the things that go on or went on in my life this past year? Won’t this come back to haunt me later on in my life? I mean for someone like me who has predominantly perilous issues with trusting people, isn’t this being too trusting? These and more questions fly around in my head as I semi-consciously decide to make things as discrete as possible.
This has got to be the year where I just couldn’t be bothered to do anything. My nonchalance was astounding! I lost faith in virtually everything that should have meant something to me. Once whatever it was looked tasking or looked like it needed major effort, I just became lackadaisical and lethargic towards it. This included girls.
Only GOD knows how many girls think I’m plain weird for not asking them out or cutting off all contact after all the DM’s ( ._.) Same for school work, long-lasting friendships and GOD… yes GOD. I’m particularly sad and ashamed of myself for letting my relationship with God dwindle the way it has this year. Why our relationship nosedived I have absolutely no idea, but I know that GOD in his infinite mercies has forgiven me and will take me back into his arms despite my sins.
How did things get to this level you might ask, well at the beginning of the year was the fuel subsidy/nationwide strike fiasco right? During that period various topics came to light on popular social media – Twitter, majorly concerning or centering about “Tribalism”. Let me refresh your memories… During that period, the boko haram bombings were at their peak, but what upset me deeply and got me rampantly tweeting my undiluted hate and disgust for the northern race was the cold-blooded murder of 16 Igbo men from Anambra state, all from the same family. I can’t remember now or if it was 11 or 14 the Nigerian media reported it as, but the fact is that IT HAPPENED AND NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT!!!
You see, one of them was killed first during the unrest in the north and while his brothers and cousins, his umunna (kinsmen) held a meeting to discuss how they would lay their brother to rest, a band of raving mad, spineless, sadistic, barbaric, egregiously wicked hausa men barged into the room they were in and completed the heinous, heartless and dastardly murder of fifteen souls, fifteen grown men with wives and children who were still mourning the death of their brothers.
I’m sure someone somewhere is saying “ehen, na today? Why you dey carry am for your head? Na your family members dem kill?” and while my answer to all that is no, the answer is also yes, not because I am Igbo too or the fact that those men hail from Anambra like I do, but because they are kinsmen to a very close family friend and colleague of my mother, a woman she sees every other day of the week, a woman who has since lost her alluring lustre and the intense fervor with which she faced life, so you can say I felt and still feel the pain of a woman who has nearly no men left in her family all in the blink of an eye.
Thinking about it now, if only I had kept my mouth shut or remained in my #TeamObservers chair I wouldn’t have lost a very close friend, someone I love, (Or someone I considered a close friend or loved, I mean after all I had known her since she was in Jss1, we’d maintained our friendship when she left the country, shared secrets we’d never tell anyone else, been intimate with one another online, and I’m not talking about sexting, get your mind out of the gutter! Tueh! :p ) because I was perceived as being “Too tribalistic” (English at its best. LOL). She told me she was tired of my hatred towards northerners and she couldn’t take it anymore, I tried to explain things to her, I tried explaining that I didn’t hate them.
A BIG LIE (tbh I dunno what hate feels like, I just know a burning, searing feeling of rage and apathy towards those savages), that I just wanted justice served in its simplicity. My idea of justice? KILL THEM ALL.
You don’t think they deserve the kind of death they’ve been meting out to my people for the past 60years or so?
(Records show Igbo people have been subject to inhumane treatment
MASS MURDER from Hausas since the 1940’s).
If your answer is not unequivocal or irrefutable, then you are lying to yourself.
So a seven year friendship ended just like that, I lost someone dear to me and for the life of me I haven’t been able to let myself miss her or try to bury the hatchet and rekindle our love. I don’t even know if I want to. I’m too angry to do so. I don’t believe in it anymore, and it hurts somewhere deep in my head but I won’t let myself feel it in my heart.
Speaking of lost friendships/destroyed relationships, that’s how without knowing it as it happened before my eyes, I lost one of my closest homies, a friend, companion, confidant, conscience if you may sef. This one was just funny, shawty got mad cos I was telling her something funny that happened with a girl I had sex with, when Aunty just started sparking and provoking on some “We promised to lose our virginity to each other” rant…
Observe calm yo™.
LOL if only aunty knew I’d lost the darn thing before I met her.
Firstly nothing can ever push me to make that kind of promise/oath, I’m wary about stuff like that, besides if I had ever made any promise like that, I certainly wouldn’t have made it to a Yoruba girl, (no offence) I can’t even lie, I’ll just tell her straight up, “It can’t happen, Kapish?” or I’d have munched it for reference sake (Yes I munch important stuff like that)
You can imagine the astounding pain and confusion that enveloped me in those last moments of our friendship/relationship. I still don’t get what happened.
We’d been friends for 5years give or take.
R.I.P to what we had.
So yeah, that’s how I lost faith in nearly everything, even my beloved Chelsea and this isn’t because we were bundled out of the champions league despite being defending champions. This is because our owner is just a confused criminal toying around with the emotions of millions of Chelsea fans like myself.
I can’t be bothered ( ._.)
Oh yeah, this is significant too: http://dailypost.com.ng/2012/05/11/private-christian-universities-faith-in-deception/
I was accused of writing this post by some of my classmates and subsequently some members of staff of the university I attend. The post debuted on an online newspaper and well, let’s just say my parents’ prayers are the primary reason I wasn’t expelled. Ask people that went or go to private Christian universities; you don’t face panel twice during the holiday and still go scot free, especially when all the members of the committee are convinced you’re guilty even before they’ve met you.
I thank God for his mercies.
But obviously I asked myself some fundamental questions after this ordeal was put on hold: If we can’t tell ourselves the truth in this great country of ours, even in the church, then is there really any hope for our country, our children? Is this the kind of environment we want our kids to be raised in? An environment that encourages deceit, falsehood, greed, lies, wickedness and avarice?
Nigerians are a long way from redemption; we are more or less the greatest hypocrites in the history of hypocrisy. When people decide to lie to themselves and others even when the truth is staring them right back in the face, instead of procuring solutions to the challenges presented, then you should just recoil into your shell and ignore the rest of the world, give up on them all you know.
The events of the year 2012 have affected the person I am right now, because as a result of my loss of faith in most things, I am more critical of people, especially people in leadership positions. I am less averse to the idea of not expecting anything good from anyone and that is not a good thing.
Being the first son of the only surviving male of your father’s family isn’t an easy task. Being the bearer of a new compound name in that same family just makes things helluva lot worse. You’ve gotta be the archetype of calm, responsibility and a visionary leader amongst other great ideals. These are the qualities you must possess on the outside and the inside. Thankfully on the outside I’ve done quite good for myself this year. My parents didn’t even scold me once this year and I certainly didn’t give them any reason to, so I’m pleased with that. (If you knew my parents personally and their insufferable repugnance of behavior below their expectations or set standards, you’d understand what an achievement this is) You’d also understand the immense pressure on me not to screw things up in any way. Herein lies my problem, because sadly on the inside, things are kinda scary, my thoughts are slowly turning into that of a somewhat psychotic, astute yet hot-headed fellow, scheming and manipulating for the fun of it. I mean taking out time to plot and plan the death of some annoying individuals isn’t normal, right? Someone please tell me I’m not the only one and give me advice on how to convert this rage into something productive in a positive way of course. 😀
Thankfully I have lots to be grateful to almighty GOD for. I went through surgery sometime this year on my left hand, the wedding finger to be exact. That’s the second hand surgery I’ve had in 2years. The first was on my right hand and was more life threatening than the one I had this year.
LOL did I hear you laugh and ask “hand surgery, life threatening?” Well wait till a doctor tells you that if he doesn’t operate immediately, you’ll have your hand amputated and if surgery is delayed for another six hours, then death could be a factor. Yeah, you still laughing nigguh? /:)
Some of my female friends have joked that the reason for the surgeries I’ve undergone on both my hands is as a result of retribution for all the girls I’ve touched, caressed, fingered and prodded and while each time this is said, I laugh and think of a wistful retort to reply them with, I find that it probably is true. But I ask myself, am I the only guy? How come I don’t see the others worse than I am going through the same kinda pain I’ve gone through? Instead of their faces contorted in pain, I see gleeful smiles and dimpled faces.
LOL! I just realized the way that last paragraph makes me look or sound, one would think I’m an incorrigible man whore, *insert rueful laugh* The actual truth though is that loneliness and rejection haven’t ceased to be close companions, turning me into an incredibly sombre individual. Believe me at the beginning of this year I told myself I’d get myself a girlfriend and put an end to 5years of singledom… or is it singlehood? *scratches head*, but alas your boy is still as pathetic awesome as ever. *shines teeth*
Anyway all you need to know is the girl I’m in love with is still acting like she doesn’t know I’m hopelessly in love with her, (she’s in a relationship, not with me tho) I guess she’s waiting to see if someone better will come and blow her away, (I’m guessing oh!) if not I pray she agrees to settle with me because I’ve been faithful for the past 5years and counting… yeah now you get the irony.
I also thank God for the life of my friend Ogaga who died a few weeks ago. I didn’t have the honor of meeting her, but in the 1 year that we were friends, she taught me a fundamental lesson and I know I won’t forget it anytime soon. I’m heartbroken she’s gone, but GOD knows best. Baby I pray I see you in heaven.
Another thing I’m grateful to GOD for is my family, and for keeping us all alive and together in a year where families are scattering up and down. No one can compare to any member of my family. I am grateful.
Plus I turned 21 a few weeks back, *sigh*™. When I turned 20 last year, I’d already started making plans for my 21st birthday. No I wasn’t planning to go to a club and waste my money on people that probably don’t care squat about me. Besides I don’t drink or smoke, (my personal decision as I couldn’t grab the point of ending one’s life slowly, I mean what the heck? Don’t you lot realize that over time all the guzzling down of booze and inhaling of tobacco is plain detrimental to your health?! :s Yall niggers need help 3-|) so there. Instead I planned a small get together in the BQ I acquired for my brother. Mind you my parents weren’t aware I had made provisions for his accommodation, so you can understand their fury and disappointment when they found out. Long story short, they arranged for him to stay with his God-parents on campus, seized the keys and rented the BQ out, hence my 350k going to the cleaners. So yeah, we can all agree I had the worst 21 st birthday party ever! Considering that there was no party. LOL. I thank God sha, I’ve gotten another one for him, this time with their permission, so it’s all good. I’m sha broke >_>
Anyways turning 21 was monumental for me in the sense that I took time out to sincerely evaluate my life, and ask myself mind-boggling questions that had been plaguing my sub-conscious for months on end: Am I living my life according to the way GOD has laid it out in his word? NO. Am I happy with the way I’ve lived my life the past 10years at least? Well, not really considering that not all my decisions have been particularly stellar, but I can definitely do better if I put in a serious effort. Have I discovered my purpose in life? Yes. Am I on the road to fulfilling my destiny or purpose? Nah not really. You see the thing is I’m not even on that road and it’s not my fault. I’d rather be studying Law and English. You see, I have this reckless idea that I can help the weak, oppressed and downtrodden if I study Law. Besides it’s quite an enthralling course, bone all the cramming, na smallz to me, instead I’m stuck with cramming codes in JAVA class ( ._.) Plus spreading GOD’s word to all parts of the world no matter how remote the area, is something I hope I can accomplish before I die. I have to start here though, and I have, it’s just that these days I’m just lazy. X_X
And lastly I am very grateful to GOD for blessing me with a job at one of the oldest multi-billion dollar oil companies in Nigeria ahead of my IT attachment. (The first question my mates in school ask is “you worked it right?” URGH! Can’t people believe success can come in an honest, straightforward way in this country, no matter how young the recipient is???) Well, I just found out this good news last week Tuesday. *Singing money, money, money (^_^) *
So yeah I’ve typed a lot of crap I’m probably gonna regret when I wake up later today (It’s 4:16 am now, been watching @MissIgho’s TL whilst spewing all this shit since 12am, don’t judge me, I love her).
Lessons I learnt this past year? Don’t try to do the right thing in Nigeria, no matter how brave or honorable that right thing may be. If it’ll hurt the powers that be, you’ll regret it. Some people don’t want anything here to move forward. You’ll be insulted, ridiculed, disgraced and prosecuted too if you’re lucky.
Words of comfort for me this year? Heaven and earth may pass away but God’s faithfulness and promises will never change. The steadfast love of my GOD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness O Lord.
LOOOL!!! I wrote an epistle, like a real epistle! Sheesh! I’ve tried breaking it down and this is all I’m left with, bros Efe, e ma binu o. I talk too darn much. -____________-
Thank you Mr.Efe for this opportunity, I’m sorry it’s too long. CHEERS and have a merry Christmas in advance people!
The making of a cynic at 21. Thank you for sharing Chidera.
The overwhelming response of volunteers to write about 2012 from their unique perspective has prompted me to put up two posts on more days. If you think you’ve been blown away by any of the posts so far, you haven’t seen anything yet. No post can be turned away. I just hope you’re strong enough to come with us on this extraordinary journey that has been our 2012.
Tomorrow, we will be totally entertained by Obianuju on here at noon. See you as usual. 🙂
(P.S. There’s no perfect time to subscribe to post Notifications but now is as good a time as there will ever be.)