It was important to do a review this year – it was tough on many people and for those like me, you’ve had to helplessly watch it be even tougher on people close to you. But it is important to remember. In the middle of all the doom and gloom, somehow, there is always hope. There is always some good, and there is always something to make your heart sing. You just have to pay attention.
This year was about being present in every moment and every experience. I faltered a few times and gave in to fear but the most important lesson was that fear is never absent, you have to conquer it over and over and over again. And no matter how many times you fall, you only need to reach the finish line once and that’s all that counts.
Coming into 2016, I had a somewhat of a spiritual reawakening. I was carrying so much anger from my dad’s death that I just did not care… about anything. Then something happened and all of a sudden I had hope again. I used this momentum to knock off a couple of projects that weren’t necessarily my best work but it didn’t matter. It was something to be proud of because “finishing” had always been an issue – I tend to get bored and move on. Now, no matter how this year ends, I can say 2016 was the year I broke that cycle.
By mid-year, I felt like I was on the cusp of something and I knew that I needed to pay attention to everything. Being at the cusp is like standing at the peak of a mountain, you can see the road ahead just as clearly as the road already travelled. And even though there will be obstacles, I know that I am heading in the right direction; the goal is clear. Not long into the second half of the year, I had my car crash and was in very shaky ground with depression, but even that was okay, it was all temporary. Then things got worse. But they also simultaneously got better.
The thing about making the conscious decision to be present is that you open so many other doors. So in the middle of my bat-wielding rage, I was able to take a moment to laugh at myself and in the middle of an uncomfortable (and very unnecessary) family confrontation, I was able to see love buried under all that dysfunction and miscommunication. My family is stressful ok?
What I am most thankful for in 2016 are the women whose friendships have become home and who I have grown to love as family. I am one of those annoying people who never really had girl-friends so I feel particularly blessed and thankful. You are only as resilient as your support system and we made the journey together.
May we all have cause to rejoice in these last days of 2016.