2014, the year I met myself.
I think it is safe to say that 2014 was the year I grew up. I mean hey, I’m writing this right now, for me, that says a LOT! I’m gradually coming out of my shell…I’m a bit nervous and almost feel like running back into my shell, but I shall brave it out and continue writing this.
You can say that I was the girl that ‘appeared’ to have a lot of self-confidence, but sadly, that wasn’t always the case. I was self-conscious about everything, from my body to my academic work and even the way I write, funny, because I run a blog. I never quite had enough belief in myself. I was the girl who watched from behind the scenes, never wanting to be the center of attention, just there observing things. To be very honest, I am a nervous wreck right now as you read this and I’m wondering “what if they think I’m writing rubbish”…but I shall carry on anyway.
The year started on a very slow note, thanks to the ASUU strike…and then afterwards began the frenzy of exam preparations, project work and all. I was happy that I was in my finals, but not quite; there was a little dark cloud hanging over my head because I knew I wasn’t going to graduate with my mates…yeah, I was spilling (extra academic year). Very embarrassing thing to say though, I prefer to say “I had an extra semester”…sounded ‘tusher’ and more bearable that way.
That is how my year started…so many lessons were learnt in different aspects of my life…but two major ones really ruled the year for me:
Lesson #1: Life is not a race track, everyone has their own time.
Like I said, I had an extra semester to spend after writing my finals. I felt terribly sad and disappointed in myself, I felt like a failure, I knew I could have performed better and I was angry at myself for being lazy. But you see, everything happens for a reason. I put on my positive cloak and decided to face the extra semester with a confident face.
I am extremely happy I ‘spilled’, strange thing to say I know…but it was all part of my process, my growth process. I learnt a lot about myself during this period and I would spill again if given the chance.
One of the things I learnt about myself was that I hate being told what to do, and it is for this reason I am a bit annoyed at my mother’s firm decision that I must get a masters’ degree after my youth service, because honestly, it is not something I’m interested in right now. Most importantly, I learnt that I am a VERY optimistic person. This realization really helped me through my extra semester. I didn’t feel ashamed attending lectures…in fact I attended all of them and pushed the embarrassment I felt aside.
I didn’t graduate with my mates, and I am extremely glad I didn’t because I had enough time on my hands to attend classes for a certification course that will go a long way in helping me in my career path. My CV just got an extra line!
In 2014, I came to understand what they mean when they say “everything happens for a reason”. If only we would raise our heads from crying over the disappointments we’re facing, we’d see that there’s shiny blessings staring us right in the face waiting for us to grab them.
Lesson #2 Loving and accepting yourself wholly and completely is the best thing you can do for you
I met myself in 2014, and guess what? I am an amazing person, at least in my own opinion, and I think that’s all that matters. I came to realize and understand how important it was for one to have great love for themselves.
I used to be the girl that had all her happiness depend on a relationship or the partner in the relationship. I experienced the lonely blows of a long distance relationship this year and you can imagine how devastating that was for a girl with misplaced “happiness priorities”.
I decided to make a conscious effort to become a happier person, to learn to make myself happy, so I went to my trusted friend, Google, for advice, “dear Google, how to be a happier person”. I read through some articles and I picked the few activities I knew I could do. I started working out, listened to upbeat music and I meditated, all these were of immense help to me… but you see, I have a serious issue with mood swings, and when the swings hit, I lose motivation to do any and everything! My mood swings are insane! So insane that it has negative effects on my relationship. I try every day to combat them before it turns to depression, and that becomes a whole other story, I can’t just shout.
The process of learning about myself did a great deal for my self-esteem. Truth is, once you accept yourself, flaws and all, there is nobody that can ever make you feel bad about yourself. You begin a lifelong romance with yourself.
2014 is coming to an end, and I’m still battling with my demons, lack of self-confidence is almost dead and I am determined not to let the mood swings see the end of next year.
In a nutshell, 2014 was an amazing year, it was the year I met my best-friend…ME. I look forward to seeing my potential being unleashed, because I know I have a lot of it in me.
Hello people!!! Abieyuwa’s story is similar to many others I’ve heard. Often our formative years are the ones in which we face our waiting/delay moments. Growth is a slow process sometimes, one that requires us to slow down many times. I embrace my commas in life. They make my life sentence complete and meaningful.
Thank you for sharing Abieyuwa.