Well, here we are again!
I’m not particularly sure how I want this review to be. A lot happened in 2016. Lots of good, bad and quite frankly embarrassing moments – many of which I’m probably not comfortable sharing. However, I think I will just sum everything into my top lessons for 2016 in no particular order. I might just end up rambling…. Please forgive me!
1. Friendship is sacred and it’s okay to let go: I’ve always known that friendship to me is more than just “hello”, “hi”. As an introvert, it’s hard making friends, but when I do make friends, I value them and tend to keep them for a long time. This year, I realized that it’s okay to let some friendships go no matter how long you’ve had them. As much as I’d love to keep my friends for as long as I can possibly can, I’m okay with knowing when to let people go especially when they only want to be your friend and/or offer their friendship only when it’s convenient for them. This year, that was tested and I think I passed! So let go…………. When it’s due.
2. There are levels to giving! (waves hanky): So I am a giver. (I think). I enjoy giving and I love how I feel when I give. Being able to help someone out either financially, or with my knowledge or time means the world to me. But this year I realized that as much as I love to give, I wasn’t necessarily a cheerful giver and that’s a big deal to me! As much as I gave way beyond what I planned to give this year, I had to sit and wonder why I give to people. Did I give simply because it was convenient for me? Because I had extra cash to give? Or because I didn’t want people to think I’m stingy? I knew that I needed to liberate myself from simply giving just to make myself feel good! I needed to give because I wanted to be a good steward of what God has given me! I pushed myself to give even when it didn’t feel good. Most importantly, as a Christian, I learned to pray before giving to be sure that I sought God in every way and gave according to how I’m led. This eliminated that guilt feeling for me knowing that it’s okay not to be “A’s” helper because I am being positioned to help “B”. I Learned more than anything that just cos someone talks to me about needed help doesn’t mean that I am their designated helper and that’s okay! I learned that saying NO is just as good answer as YES and I must be comfortable with saying no If I desire to be a steward of Christ’s goodness!
3. Loving yourself is underrated: So I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “love yourself”. I mean, I’d be wealthy if I made a dollar each time I hear it. But I realized just how important that phrase really is. This year, I embarked on the mission to love myself and I meant it. While this was particularly hard in a sense, I enjoyed it. I am your average “people pleaser” and known as the “long sufferer” amongst people I know. But I realized that there’s a thin line between be possessing these qualities and simply not loving myself enough to draw the line on what I can tolerate and how I allow people treat me. I embarked on the Journey to date myself. Yup.. that! I bought things for myself, I redecorated my house to fit my personality, I travelled, and did my best to enjoy my own company! This helped my confidence. I am still learning to love myself and quite excited for where this relationship with myself is going!
4. I’m beautiful and need to redefine what my beauty is: Soooooooooo before people think I have low self-esteem or whatever, I don’t. But as a young woman and having been through a lot of what I have experienced, seeing my own beauty sometimes comes hard! This year, I reached an all-time high in how much I weight. I was chubbier and puffier and for some reason my skin game was at an all-time low! I didn’t feel very beautiful many times but that all changed when I realized that my definition of beauty was skewed to just the outward beauty and other people’s perception! I vowed to redefine this! I know that if I continue to look at outward beauty as my basis for what beautiful is, I’ll be on a looooooong thing. So I ventured into my own way of beautiful. Appreciating the qualities and characteristics of who I am and accepting my flaws (now, I haven’t fully accepted this yet… it’s a process guys!). I realized that scar on my forehead tells a story, the dent on my nose didn’t equate to negative points on the beauty scale. My somewhat knocked knees was a part of who I am and my calves (oh dear!) are unique – I mean, do you know how many people literally have “leg day” at the gym just to have what I naturally have? Anyways, I know I am beautiful and it transcends beyond this yellow pawpaw skin of mine.
5. God knows exactly what He is doing and everything will make sense in the end: First of all, last year was the brokest year I have ever had since being independent 5 years ago. This year, God turned it around financially and I am so grateful! The BROKENESS made sense and I’d go through it again for this experience! So many things happened this year. Many of them shook my faith. I questioned God a lot (or asked him a lot of questions). I was shaken to the core many times. I felt a deep sense of loneliness and so many things just didn’t make sense. I wondered why I go through so much. but when I sit and reflect, I realized that truly, God was there through it all. This year, it felt like I went through three stages back to back – either I was about to go through a storm, or going through a storm or just coming out of a storm. It was exhausting. I wondered what I did wrong and three scriptures stood out to me the most. When I was lonely – Hosea 2:14. When I wondered what I did wrong – John 9:3. This year, the talking to a patient who had just lost his mom about my own mom easily became the highlight of my year. To see him light up when I shared that with him opened the door to the fact that perhaps, there’s truly a reason behind everything and I didn’t need to be constantly sad about it. For this, I am excited for the future – Giving HOPE and sharing the grace of God.
6. I’m not about that dating life: See, I’ve always been “old school” in that I believe in Biblical Courtship (not to bore those who don’t care about this). This year tho, I stepped out of my comfort zone (thanks to serial daters at work) and attempted to go on dates. I made it to three dates and gave up. LOL! With dating, I felt myself feeling the need to compromise on a lot of things that matter to me and undermining just how important those values are. You know, people “date” you, you all size each other and see if there’re good enough for you and blah blah. In the end, someone ends up feeling ridiculously rejected like they don’t matter. Many end up with broken hearts (shockingly). I just learn that finding ‘the one’ shouldn’t leave a trail of broken hearts along the way. I’m okay with waiting, learning about someone on a platonic level and entering into a purposeful courtship with them. I’m old school, and that’s okay! So I’m back to just living life and enjoying the journey and everything life has to offer. If I meet “my person” along the way, great! If not, I pray for grace and strength to live purely and joyfully, Spread the love of Christ and love Jesus like crazy!
7. Oh my Christianity: This one is very personal, but I am feeling the need to share. With everything I was going through, I found myself doubting my faith a lot. This year, I questioned the foundation of what I believed. I found myself very interested in another religion. I studied a lot about both religions this year than I ever had in my entire life. So much so that I found my dating someone from another religion and convinced myself that it’ll work out. But the more I thought about the future, the more I realized how impossible that’ll be for someone like me. (PS: I’m a certified Jesus freak. So I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t view Jesus the way I did and who couldn’t hold my hands and pray in the name of Jesus when we desperately need that). 2 Cor 6:14 and Amos 3:3 were too real for me in this area of life. In the end, Christianity is real and true for me. More than anything, the experience opened a new realm of appreciation of Christianity and a deeper love for God and Jesus Christ than I ever knew existed for me and I am excited for the future. If anyone’s interested in my experience, I’d be glad to share personally.
As I end 2016, I just want to thank God, my fans (NO, I’m totally kidding), friends, and those who allowed me a shoulder to cry on! Those who encouraged me and uplifted my spirit in my loneliest times.
I have never been as excited for a new year as I am now! For 2017, I hope to be JOYFUL! It won’t be a smooth ride but I pray and vow to be joyful through it!
Queen just be typing my life in her review. Thank you for 2016 dear friend. All the best in the new year!