Once again in 2012 I found myself talking to my keloid as some pastor instructed. For years I have been believing, hoping and communicating with this single one inch keloid on my body but it won’t listen. I have been doing as the pastor directed – “touch and command anything that is ailing you and ask it to leave you; we are spirits and we can command things to happen” he said. Well this is my fifth year of commanding yet the keloid has refused to shrink. In fact it has latched on tighter to my skin over the years and I swear I once heard it say to me “Madam I am as part of you as your pinky toe and I am not going anywhere”.
Well what does my keloid have to do with 2012? It did not shrink this year…Nope….This keloid has sort of hindered my love life because of where it’s located at…..it’s not on/in my kitty cat… But it’s close (Got it from a shaving accident- I am super clumsy). I never let anybody get close because to me it’s kind of like having a tail….I have to know the person for about 800years before I can disclose to them ‘ehmm by the way I kind of have a tail’… It’s not a ‘tail’, but to me, it’s kind of like having a tail or something else gross…but it’s my little secret and if you are a dude that wants to get close, once we get kissing (just 2 dudes – with my consent – I’m not a whore!) and you start reaching there, game over…I’d most likely never call you back. We ARE done.
I hardly let myself get comfortable enough with guys to show them my tail. The keloid and my awfully shocking nightmare-ish experience with my first love in ’11 made me close my heart towards love so I didn’t have to introduce my keloid to anyone. But this 2012, I did. This year I showed someone my tail…More like he found it. I met someone…yay!!(I don’t know if we’d marry because he wants it so bad but I don’t even know what I want. He’s a perfectly perfect gentleman with all the tall, dark and orishirishi y’ll want but I’d rather a thug. Story for another day.)
Well, to appreciate my 2012, you have to know about 2011. Last year for me was the worst year of my existence and I always thank God for seeing me through in one piece. I thought I would not make it alive. I dealt with depression, my parents divorce plans, poverty, suicidal thoughts, my first robbery (they robbed me oo..Not me stealing ooo…pls oo..God forbid..Ha!), and a shocking betrayal. I lost my mind and I cried every single night from February till November. Nobody died but a part of me died. Too many tales but the good thing is I came out a survivor…. All these experiences made all the challenges of 2012 seem so easy.
Although I worked as a cleaner/Janitor this 2012, for me it was a good year.
Although I got chased down by border patrol and got falsely accused of possessing marijuana…it was a very good year.
Although I had average grades this year, it was a good year. (Just got my finals this week, I aced it!! made up for spring-Thank you Jesus.)
Although I fought over and over again with The Boo, it was a good year.
Although I kept having endless bills and I thought I’d never pay up, it was a good year.
While so many crazy things happened in 2012, for me it was a step up from last year. Going forward from 2011 made me give up on 2012 but as the days went by I knew I was not alone and I had a God I could count on and rely on. I did work as a janitor (people thought it was a joke but I knew I had to hustle) but the testimony in this is that 3 weeks into the job I got a way better job. See??
I was getting to know this gentleman who was too prim and proper and I always clashed with him because I had become unrefined thanks to changing to fit in with my ex. We always fought but made up somehow…That’s a good thing for me.
I got chased by the border folks because of some misunderstanding caused by GPS taking us the wrong route. Long story…Nothing bad happened but those 2hours were the longest in my life! But the ordeal helped bond with the Boo (haha)
Bills? God was more than sufficient. I always managed to stay afloat.
Well this has been my 2012 so far…I appreciate my happiness more and I don’t take it for granted. I guess the tough times helped me to be more grateful and if my 2011 has been your 2012, I pray the God that brought me victory and joy will bring you the same this coming year.
I wish you a happy 2013 and if for whatever reasons the world ends 2012, I hope we all make it to a favorable eternity….Love-love-love. Sow Love.
It’s never too cold for angels to fly.
You were a female janitor?! Like you actually wore the uniform? That’s so cool! Did you take pictures?! I enjoyed reading this. Bonnie and Clyde things lol. I also love how you said 2011 didn’t kill you but made you stronger.
Happy Boxing Day peoples 🙂