Day 24: Dammy

Have you ever wondered if THE Jack Daniel [the drink was named after] is/was an actual person
… Aaaaand, you just went to check on Wikipedia. I know your type. Welcome back.
Anyway, ever wondered if he was like, someone with dreams and worries and plans and problems and… and  maybe he was just there one day playing with Alcohol and thinking about life and just fucked around and unintentionally invented his own concoction and invited his neighbours  to come and taste and they were like “Yeah, this is some divine-intervention-calibre drink. We’re never leaving again and…”
Oh yeah. Jack Daniel was a real person. But I’m sorry, everything you just read has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my year. Nothing.
I just know almost all of us are conditioned to read everything that sounds like gist. So no, ignore all that.
So yeah… I got into 2014 all hyped up on myself after having survived the attempts 2013 made upon my awesomeness (which I wrote about here on this same day last year).
I was finally starting to adjust to my new command, peace, routine… figured I had everything worked out in my head.
In retrospect, the year started well‎.
[0 – 100 REAL QUICK]
  • Results of an international proficiency examination in French‎ I’d written in 2013, came out in January 2014, and thanks be to God, my classes and to the é at the end of Beyoncé’s name, I passed with a ridiculously higher grade than I could have anticipated.
  • Was chopping iron at the Gym like it was shortbread biscuit.
  • Spiritually, I was building that Moses-speaks-to-God type of relationship proximity so I felt pure and focused at the time.
  • Hadn’t tasted a drop of Alcohol since I decided not to in 2012.
  • Reconnected with Music, who I’d lost in the dark years and now found again. (By February I was scoring and playing Bach’s Minuet in G on the Guitar and other, other things)‎.
So in essence, if the year had ended in March, I would have been typing ‎stuff like
  • Awesome year.
  • Focused and more clear headed than I’ve ever been
  • Fitness, fitness, fitness, yay, yay, yay
  • Music, I own you
  • God, I see you
  • Français, je suis ton maitre

… If only the year had ended in March.

[100 – {-000001}‎ EVEN QUICKER]
The most important thing I learned this year didn’t even allow me chance to understand the moral lesson behind what was happening.
Everything just happened at once like Telemundo wrestling match.
Since everything already started with the feelings of goodness and invincibility and all those other good feelings, I decided within myself, by my own self o, and with my own hands.
I decided that the speed of light was too slow for my progressiveness. And so I broke the sound barrier and I entered Warp speed.
I mean, I knew all the goals I had in mind.
I knew what I wanted to do.
I had it all planned out.
What could go wrong yeah?
I didn’t just BEGIN to do… I just DID everything all at once.
With Confidence.
With style.
Because, like a bad good guy.
Because, Jack Bauer (never in allllllllll of those episodes, in all of those seasons) died not even once.
Like a bad good guy.
I didn’t expect the Universe to be quite as upset with me as she became. Never esperred it.
Carried out a series of capital intensive expenditures which aligned with my goals and executed at least a couple of them perfectly before the Universe recoiled and was like “Ahn Ahn, is it only you that waka’d came though? Kilode though?”
The Universe gave me a beeeeeeeblical beating.
That Philistine-caught-naked-with-Samson’s-girlfriend story type of beating.‎ (This happened.)
A lot of things just went really wrong, REALLY fast and I tried really hard to defend against/tune them out‎ but they were battles I wasn’t prepared for.
Issues and almost unbearable pressure sprung out from places I couldn’t have foreseen. Family, work… just, EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE.
Before I knew it, I couldn’t focus with classes and temporarily excused myself (bad guy slang for ‘voluntarily-temporarily dropped out’. Keep up).
Before I knew it, Church was missing.
Before I knew it, Guitar became cobwebby.
Before I knew it, gym? Hahahahaa, nah.
It took all that I had in me to plug in my remaining battery charge, life, mind, body and Psyche into work, using that as a medium to check the darkness I could feel surfacing on the inside of me. (This turned out to be a spectacularly horrid idea by the way.)
At the time, I checked and checked and could not find one thing I did wrong. Couldn’t talk to anyone because work had isolated me from the few people I actually cared about‎ who weren’t part of my problems.
Friendships faded into obscurity.
I was angry internally all the time and very, very quiet about it. Compartmentalization turned me into this bottled up keg of dynamite powder mixed with Jet fuel… just waiting for someone to strike ONE matchstick on me.
CHAPTER 10 -12
Throughout this period I kept remembering I had way too much to be thankful for. Last year I was in the middle of a meaningless war.
Incessant gunshots.
People going off of command for a haircut or to buy Suya or to go to the ATM or for basically anything really, and being brought back honest-to-God lifeless; rddled with bullets (or worse) and in the backs of Hilux trucks.
These were things I witnessed on a daily basis in 2013. I came out safe. Unharmed.
I had a lot to be thankful for.
I HAVE a lot to be thankful for.
So I stopped being (unreasonably) stupid and opened my eyes. Prayed a lot too.
Around October, I ‎peeked out of myself for a bit and started noticing ever so little changes around me generally. Like, small small breaks started opening up.
Went to work one day and BAM.
New Unit.
Awesome Boss.
Awesome shifts.
Learned most of the ways of ensuring 2013’s gory ‎visuals would never repeat themselves again.
People around me started having new positive stories.
Obligatory responsibilities started becoming less like  cement-bags-on-my-shoulder military drills and more like comfortable Tee shirts.
That was all I needed at the time. Took alllllllll my disconnected wires and winced and prayed to ask  if it was okay to start putting stuff together one by one again and not all at once like before.
I’m guessing she’s okay with it because I went to Church and once again everything felt right. (Yeah, I said ‘She’. You hear God with Morgan Freeman’s voice, I hear God in Emily Mortimer’s.)
Because, I no longer felt like just biting the stupidity off people randomly every time anymore.
Because, I started meeting amazing people who had no reasons really to want to get to know me OR like me‎ but really, really do anyway.
Because, I started ‎talking more. Started smiling more. Laughter doesn’t sound forced these days. I actually can stay on the phone talking and laughing for more than 2 minutes these days. I actually am more open these days.
And the most important lesson I want you guys to get from all this long Turanchi is this;
  • It’s a great thing; jumping out of your comfort Zone, and trying to be focused, and to want to achieve so many things for yourself. But please, please, please… Always pace yourself, and don’t jump out of your safe place WITHOUT ESTABLISHING FIRST that you can see where you’ll land in 3D and that you understand what it is, exactly, that you’re in for. Plus, don’t try to do a billion grand things all at once. Life is not running anywhere (well… until it does.)
  •  Chill, be still.

Thank you Wade. The best Earthling I’ve ever met and my best friend since what’s felt like an Eternity now.

Thank you Femi. My Friend. Endorser of the GREATEST Books, movies, Anime + all round random batshit loopy-gist Guy.
Thank you Amanda. ‎I want to type things but my eyes are pushing me and my fingers are not behaving like they belong to me. You’re amazing.
And thank you Alex. For these last lessons I’ve learned. Again.
These people are incredible. Yo‎u have NO idea.
Conclusively, I’ve had to use my whole year to learn lesson and it wasn’t mostly sexy. But…
Be as e be,
bad as e bad,
go as e go…
2015? Sir, the cables have been cut off of me and I’m holding all the wires. And with God’s permission? One by one, I will reconnect them all.
                                              [ULTRON VOICE]: 
                                                  NOW I’M ‎ FREE…
  ‎                                THERE ARE… NO STRINGS ON ME
*drops Mjölnir on Efe’s Blog and walks calmly away in slow motion into sunset‎ with Cape blowing in the wind and Sunshades reflecting sunset and hope and dreams and—* OKAY OKAY OKAY EFE I’M GOING I’M GO—
I think we are blessed to have such a mind on this planet. The aliens come for us, first thing we are doing is hiding you in Okokomaiko. Can’t let them take you alive. 
LOL thank you Dammy!


I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.


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