Day 2: Deola

One morning, I was waiting and got bored. I loaded up my camera, switched the lights off and lit a candle. I wanted to practice my photography and I had read about using aperture and shutter speeds to control the depth of field for a photograph and I was curious. As I took photos of the candle and tried to blur the background, I wanted to see how the image of the candle looked from above on my table. This is what I got

image

It’s not a spectacular photo. It’s too dark, the table is a mess and it just seems off. I tried to prefect this particular image of my table because I wanted a picture of my table but I couldn’t do it. I sat back down, scrolled through the images again and stopped on the above picture again. I then realized that the image was basically a sum of my 2014.

Dark, messy, a small awkward light guiding me through. An unbalanced conundrum

A silly little Buzzfeed article said my 23rd year would be my worst. They were not wrong.

I started this year with the feeling of failure looming over me. I moved back to Lagos after finishing my Masters and a lot of people wondered why I didn’t stay back in NY. I honestly couldn’t find a job. No one wanted me. No one wanted to deal with a student visa or invest in a girl whose CPT only lasted a year. They said they would rather hire a citizen without a master’s degree than a foreigner with one.

I came home, saying I wanted to come home, develop the media landscape and make a difference. LOL. I came home because I failed. I failed in NY and Lagos was the only place left. My parents were disappointed in me, asking me why I couldn’t just get a job at a fast food place or work under the table. In hindsight, my pride didn’t allow me take those jobs. I wanted to be a writer not a waitress. Maybe I would be saying a different story if I took those waitressing jobs. Maybe

Living at home with my parents is a story on its own. I love them but we have never really lived together. I’ve always been in school so this was the first time I ever lived with them. It was hard. I got a magazine job that required me to attend and cover events and they struggled with it. Events would not start until 10 and interviews had to be done and secured. Explaining to your parents that your job requires you to stay out sometimes after midnight is hard. Especially if your parents don’t even like your job in the first place. We are still struggling with it and my curfew has been changed to ‘well, sha be home soon’.

I worked for a magazine called HELLO! Nigeria and this is the first time I will ever put into writing the a little bit of the BS they put me through. I don’t want to speak ill of them because it was not my co-workers or ex-bosses fault for what went down. I’m just going to give this advice to every young creative out there – if you work somewhere and they don’t pay your salary on time or don’t even pay you at all for three/four months and the give you excuses all the time, GET OUT AND LEAVE. Loyalty to the organization is all fine and dandy but loyalty will not fuel your car or give you food to eat. I work in PR now and I never knew I would find myself in a PR agency. It’s different and it’s a learning experience that I am enjoying. As a creative, stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary. You never know what you might find outside.

My depression came back and it all started by a unique mix of heartbreak and my diagnosis (coming to that in a sec). I had a boyfriend who I thought was my last bustop and I thought I was his as well. Looking back, I still wonder if I made it all up or if I was living some elaborate dream. We would talk about all the things serious couples talked about.  We were discussing marriage, how many kids we would have, retirement homes and finances. He showed me his medical papers and test results for STDS, blood type and other necessary details for choosing a life partner. He wanted to get his Master’s in the UK and I was willing to go with him and get another degree. I thought he was the one. The very last one who didn’t care about my issues and looked past my flaws.
And then one day, he disappeared. No calls, texts, DMs, nothing. He just packed up and left my life. No closure, no explanations. Just gone.
Sigh.

If you look at the upper right corner of the picture, you will see a white packet with the pills that have now come to define my life. I found out this year I had PCOS; Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which is caused by my hormones being out of sync. Because of this, I have subfertility aka having babies is harder for me and I don’t ovulate like a normal girl (I once had a 4 periods in a year). I have to shave my chin and mustache every two weeks cos of excess hair. I am subjected to popping artificial hormones every day and it is the worst. I become a moody, horny, emotional and sad girl. My mother taunting me and saying I am incomplete doesn’t make things better. I have always loved children and I imagined my future was going to be filled with a lot of them. This is basically the plot of a bad Yoruba movie where the girl can’t have kids and the husband’s family brings in another girl for him to marry but instead of me using my eggs for money rituals, my eggs are simply underformed and can form cysts that can kill me.

Yeah. Got a little dark and heavy there.

My laptop and camera got stolen from my bag in October. All my work from undergrad, graduate school, my both jobs and my blog were gone. My camera, my main point of my life and the main accessory to my blog was gone. I felt like God was telling to me quit blogging; that this was a divine sign that I was shit and I should just leave while I can. I stopped for a bit. I looked at the blog and prayed and asked God for another sign. No sign came and I honestly couldn’t see myself not blogging.

For a majority of the year, I was in a daze. I was dead inside. I would go to events, smile, network, take pictures but I was dead. I forced myself to smile, forced myself to work, and forced myself to literally move. I couldn’t feel anymore. I just wanted to lay in bed and just … be. Depression can warp your sense of reality. Everything seems like it’s either trying to hurt you. Voices in my head wouldn’t stop reminding me of how useless, shitty, dumb and a waste of space I was. They haven’t stopped. I have just learnt to live with them and block them out with music and friendship. I have to thank Edwin for being there for me, and allowing me to vent and talk. He’s been nothing but supportive and loving to me. He basically helped me through this year and is probably the reason I survived.

So yeah. 2014. Messy. Awkward. Depressing. With a little candle of hope in the corner for 2015.

highlandblue

I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.

56 Comments

  • Abigail says:

    Oh dear me. This really is a lot. I don’t want to feel sorry for you cos somehow I sense you’d find that annoying. I’ll just say keep letting more light. There are sure some nice sweet smelling things on that table you are yet to discover.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Dear Deola, I gasped while reading this story and that happened when you said your mother calls you incomplete. I think that is the ‘sadest’ part of your story. You are not incomplete. I pray for God’s grace in your life, please don’t worry about having children, there are plenty ways to become a mother. And thanks for Edwin, having someone to talk to is one of the best. God bless you.

  • Lass says:

    This Post really got to me, Deola.
    I won’t lie. Me saying that I knew exactly how you felt would be a big fat lie. But one thing’s for sure, you are NOT a failure. No. No matter how bad things have been, one should should be grateful that they’re even around (alive) to tell the tale of it. Hold on to that candle of hope and in due time, your star will shine brighter than it already does. Stay blessed, stay loved.

  • Chica says:

    My dear girl, this really got to me. I know what it’s like to feel like this and survive it. I’m just here thinking, what’s the best thing to tell her in a short sentence?…

    Just know that this too shall pass away, you see things come together for a time and fall back apart again. It’s just like that. Personal discovery and growth is what you get from there be room for all this to happen. Room for grief,relief, misery, joy etc. Lean into all of it and let these experiences of life teach you about yourself.

    Hold on to God! He’s the only enduring constant that makes it all peaceful and easy. If you’re on twitter Please go to “@EffiongOkpo’s TL, go as far back as 3 days ago or 4 and read up. Very uplifting for me, I hope it will be same for you. God bless you, I’ll be praying for you with a lot of love.

  • deevadoc says:

    This was deep. Just like life is. Cliche as it sounds, you’re still alive meaning, you still have several chances and the hope that things will get better. By December next year, you’l be amazed at how stable everything will be . As for you former lover, you dodged a bullet, but like most things in life, you’ll only appreciate this in retrospect. You will be fine.

    Life is tough. But we are tougher.

  • Edgothboy says:

    Still here for you. Always here for you.

    Some good things you forgot to mention.

    Three Jobs in Fields you love in one year.

    Omogemura finally started breaking even.

    New Friends, Old friends and a birthday.

    That great picture Cassie Davies took of you.

    Financial independence.

    Birthdays!

    so many reasons to TURN UP!!!

    • Uju says:

      I like this (about you/this).
      Deola, if for nothing, you’ve got a friend to remind you of the good.
      It’ll get better.
      And thank you Eddie, because you’re a good friend.

  • Dekemisola says:

    Deola!!!! I don’t know you but I feel like I know you. Wow! This was one year for you, wasn’t it? I’ve got good news though, people have been healed from from more life-threatening health issues, so nothing is impossible except you believe they are. And this is not me being churchy; I have actually been told something like that, just in milder words and from a pastor. He told me not to ever think of an abortion if I get pregnant cos …

    But Deola dear, my faith is dogged! My cycle isn’t regular either but Little Red shows face.
    I’d love to meet you in person (Efe, please help arrange this), I’m in Lagos too. I work in advertising and branding so we have some common ground. And this isn’t about pity, I really believe you’re a wonderful person who needs to laugh more often.

    And I’m thanking God that you didn’t opt for waitressing. I believe you’re going places, that would have slowed you down a lot!
    P.S. What’s your blog url?

  • Edgothboy says:

    Omogemura.com

  • Christabel says:

    Wow.
    May God light up 2015 for you and make it better.
    Amin

  • Chidinma I. says:

    Your story, it resonated.

    I’m an extroverted loner and a pseudo sad being. Sad stories take me to a sadder place.

    I don’t know if it these things miraculously diaappear, but I’m certain that the light will continuously light your path.

    Hold on. Hold tight. Stay strong, soldier!

  • Etana says:

    Deola,

    I think my heart just broke. I don’t know… I think it just broke.
    I have no words…
    Everything thegraceseeker said. And everything Edwin said.
    God bless you, Deola. And God bless Edwin.

    Here’s to life, strength, grace and hope for a better, much better 2015.

  • BShaba says:

    Keep hope alive! And like someone said, there are a lot of cool stuff on that messy table, things to be thankful for in such a difficult year.
    Keep hope alive!!
    (((((((((((((((WARM HUGS)))))))))))))))))

  • Loxie says:

    Hi Deola, reading this brought me to tears…silent tears.

    Thank you for sharing, your vulnerability blessed me. And in addition to all the other comments, I see hope. Candle lit hope and then I wish I could set your soul ablaze with light. I celebrate your strength and friends like Edwin. God bless you Edwin.
    I pray life doesn’t rob you of this hope. The candle lit hope like a friend said is powerful enough to dispel a great deal of darkness. Stay strong and know you are complete and just amazing. Your spirit shines in spite of adversity.
    Happy birthday to you!!! We all celebrate you girl.

    Hold on…live through it!!!
    Here’s to a 2015 that blows your mind.

  • Ayo says:

    Deola!!! What a year its been for you. 2015 WILL be better. Sending you an e-hug from here. I wish I could call you up for lunch or something 🙂

  • Ada says:

    I like the picture of the table. It doesn’t look messy to me lol. I even like that you did not try to make it look nice. Beautiful just the way it is 🙂

    Deola, depression comes from a sense of helplessness. Don’t give in to that feeling. O ga din mma, o? Just like Chica said, things fall apart to come together again. I like that you acknowledge the candle in the corner. There is hope. Your testimony will come.

  • Loxie says:

    Hi Deola, reading this brought me to tears…silent tears.
    Thank you for sharing, your vulnerability blessed me. And in addition to all the other comments, I see hope. Candle lit hope and then I wished I could set your soul ablaze with light. I celebrate your strength and friends like Edwin. God bless you Edwin.
    I pray life doesn’t rob you of this hope. The candle lit hope like a friend said is powerful enough to dispel a great deal of darkness. Stay strong and know you are complete and just amazing. Your spirit shines in spite of adversity.
    Happy birthday to you!!! We all celebrate you girl.

  • Rolayo says:

    I read this and I thought, “She’s such a fighter!”.
    Thank you for sharing. As sad as you think your year was, it’s inspiring.
    Thank you for blogging, and not quitting, keep doing what you want to do.
    Thank you for acknowledging Edwin, a lot of us have angels in our lives but we are too engrossed in our selves to notice them.
    Maybe you did have your bad days, but you will make it through this. Keep on keeping on. Some day, you will smile at your babies who will be taller than you, and remember how at a some point, you worried about having them. That day, you will realise that none of this really matters, what does is who holds your future.
    I am not sure, but I think today’s your birthday. Happy birthday Deola. May this new year be better than all the other years put together.

  • Zarina says:

    I read this and marvelled at your courage. Oh yes! Courage……inspite of all d shortcomings of 2014, you’re still trudging on. Thanks to that candle light of hope amidst the mess.
    I understand what you’re going through becos I’ve been down that road too. Having a solid resolve not to quit before time and the support of family and good friends like Edwin (God bless him) will keep u going.
    You are a survivor dear and God will ensure that you fulfil your destiny, no matter what. Cheer up! 2015 will WOW you. Have faith!

  • Tia says:

    Reading your review and all the comments, all that came to my mind is “You Will Overcome”. Oh yes, you will.

  • ineffablewater says:

    I admire your willingness to be vulnerable. Sharing all this must have taken a whole lot of courage.

    You are a girl of great strength. What you have been through only proves that. You might not see it right now, but issues only make you better, stronger, harder, determined to fight another day. Every day, with its numerous troubles are like an adventure.

    I like to look at it like this, what is life going to throw my way today? I’m talking from a place of knowledge. From 2011 till this year, I have had a bumpy ride. A very bumpy ride. My mother almost lost an arm and a leg. 4 months in the hospital. 3 months bedridden. Seeing her in a wheelchair broke my heart. Now, she uses her limbs. My younger brothers left me to go to heaven. One year after the other. I found out I don’t really have a strong heart. But I’m still here.

    If you do read this, be encouraged Deola, there are people fighting life’s wars right beside you. And we are all determined to win. Join the troops!

    • BShaba says:

      Your comment is so touching, it feels like another post on its own. It’s really sad what you’ve had to go through but I bless God for your mum. I pray you find the strength to wake up everyday with a smile and a spring in your step not because you need to fight life’s battles but just because the comforter will give you an unexplainable joy that will make you rejoice from within.
      Stay strong! Keep hope alive!

  • Zarina says:

    Oh my!…….May the Lord strengthen u n give u cause to be glad and rejoice always. It is well!

  • Tolz says:

    Dear Deola,

    I don’t know you but I feel like I understand you. This year alone I failed at things I didnt think it was possible to fail at, I got diagnosed with an immune system disorder, I was bedridden for weeks, I lost my hair (the most difficult) and I got told by my doctor that the disease has no cure and I have to live with it for the rest of my life.

    So what do we do when these things happen? We Fight. Deola We keep fighting. For me my faith in God has kept me through all these things. Only God is the giver of that kind of strength . God is my hope, He stands and He is unshakeable.

    I know of a lady who has PCOS and she has a 2 year old. She shares her testimony all the time.

    Bottomline is whose report would you believe, Man? Science? Or the God that created both?

    Sending you all of the love I have from here.

  • Mobby says:

    Dear Deola,
    i read through and i want to tell you that this too shall pass and that picture shows all the year’s awesomeness that u havent taken your time to see clearly. Hang on, Focus and be strong, 2015 looks good already. *warm hugs*

  • Timiebi says:

    I read this and scrolled back up to be sure this wasn’t about me. *sigh* PCOS!!! I stopped taking my pills not because of faith or believing for miracle but cos they increase weight gain and just make me feel horrible. Let’s leave the hair matter aside sef! (Tried waxing for the first time, try it, it’s better than shaving)
    Man matter: my consolation and words of advice has been, God delivered me from a disastrous future! #Endof

    All I can tell you is that it will be well. I have a friend with PCOS who’s had 2 children without any medical help.
    God does things in a beautiful way and I’m certain beautiful things are coming your way.
    Be strong and you will not believe what will happen next.

    Dear Efe, thank you for this series, God bless you. A very big thank you to everyone who’s let us into their wonderful, courageous, beautiful, inspiring and encouraging lives!

  • Tomboxe says:

    From what I hear this Deola girl is an awesome person. Just saying.

  • Y says:

    Hello Deola. Reading your post, one thing struck me. I have PCOS too. I’m only 21, I had a huge cyst taken out when I was 18, it torsioned(sp) three times. Surgery took 3 times longer than normal. And left a scar I hate so much. I don’t like drugs so I’ve just refused to ask what drug I should take, I spot for weeks sometimes until I take primolut so it stops. Periods almost don’t exist in my world. I’ve been told to try to get pregnant as soon as possible and I don’t even know where to start because virgin. I used to let all of this depress me so bad, I even thought of suicide once. Anyway long story short, I prayed. It might seem silly but that’s what I did. And depression went away. I’ve was in church one day and I just asked GOD and depression left. Now I’m so joyful and happy, it’s amazung. I ask you to do the same for the depression. I’ve also decided to try to have a baby next year, because it can’t hurt to try. I want to ask you for your drugs because I was told to try ivf but drugs seem like a better/cheaper idea. I also want to ask you to speak to GOD and just generally tell HIM to help. HE always does.

  • Joy Ehonwa says:

    Wow. WOW. I had this habit of writing down my plans, ideas, article drafts, songs, poems, dreams and practically every dot I wanted to save, in my Blackberry (I hadn’t discovered Evernote). It was also my mobile office and I moved my stuff as I switched devices.. When the last one crashed I nearly died; I couldn’t get my stuff out. Everything gone. And that is just a FRACTION of what you lost. So I cannot begin to imagine your pain and struggle with pain and depression. Pele. Pele. 2015 will be sooo much better, you are not a failure, you’re fruitful in every area of your life.

    I wish there was a way of telling you to press into God without sounding trite. Trust Him with your career and you’ll be amazed what He will do. I’ve experienced it myself.

    PCOS? Hmm. My friend with PCOS has conceived twice; she has no help but God.. You guys have about 4 periods a year? I haven’t had a period in nearly 4 years because of my hormones too. Hyperprolactinemia, their report says. In my 3 years of marriage I have ovulated only ONCE, and that one time God used to give me a lovely son who is 2yrs old now. I don’t even doubt that He will do it again. Don’t let this one worry you.

    I’m trusting God that by this time next year your post will be totally different, and we will cry tears of joy together. *HUGS*

  • Jvmoke says:

    Hello Deola, pls allow me share a testimony with you.

    One of my closest friends was diagnosed with ovarian cyst while we were in final year in school and it was exactly this way, the fears and tears and worries..especially when her now mother-in-law didn’t want her because, and I quote, ‘who wants a barren woman?’

    Married to the guy now, she gave birth to her second healthy child in September.

    I need you to understand that;
    1) Someone who has completed his part in your life will leave even in the most favourable circumstances.

    2) You, Adeola Adebiyi will conceive, you will carry your own kids to term, you will put to bed stresslessly, and you will be alive to care for them.

    Whatever is happening now, no matter how dark it seems, remember this! It shall pass, the right person will find you and YOU WILL HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS. YOU WILL.

  • Ire says:

    Maybe it is because we are birthday mates; I’m not sure yet, but we are connected one way or another,
    For me, your 2014 was my 2012 and I really wanted to die that year.
    But, light came. I’ve gone from a sick, skinny, nearly insane girl to a healthy looking baby girl.

    I know your light is here.
    You are so beautiful, you amaze me.

    “You’re beautiful and your passion for fashion(Cliche?) inspires me to pick up something and make it my life too. Okay. I’ll go now. Bye. :)” – I said this to you 617days ago and it still stands.

    A stroke of the artist’s hand doesn’t tell you what the painting will be like. Remember, you’re FABulous!

  • Yewi says:

    Hello,

    I just read this on the site and i had to leave a comment even though it’s like a week later. You see I’m coming to the realization that God puts us in certain situations and circumstances not because he doesn’t love us but to teach us lessons and help us grow. I must say you are very strong and you would eventually come out of this phase. Look at your PCOS as a blessing and not a curse. You may ask how? But with time you would understand that you can use your story to bless other women who are facing this situation. Try to think deeply and consider the good sides of it.

    We’re not friends and I’ve met you just once, I doubt you would even remember but I feel I have to say something to encourage you at least. You see this issue of having children, don’t even worry about it. Children will come when it’s time for them to come. It’s natural for you to worry about these things but don’t worry they would come, just live your life! Enjoy your youth and just have fun okay? My perception of you when we first met was a determined, no nonsense person who knows exactly what she wants and how to get it.

    You don’t know me but you encourage me. You’re working in a field I love and want to go into though I’m still having 2nd thoughts and weighing options and you’re one of the people who I look up to as a form of motivation. I look at the little you may think you have achieved and it is a LOT to me, like I’m struggling to even get where you are. Because of you I was motivated me to complete my application to SU. You’re not a waste of space. You have a role to play in the lives of people and a purpose to fulfill otherwise you wouldn’t even be alive. I encourage you to not be discouraged, this depression is but a phase and it will pass sooner than you think. Focus on all the great things and people in your life and all the things that make you happy and before you even realize the emptiness and sadness would all fade away. Sending you big, warm hugs.

  • Omo says:

    I was just going to breeze through this series and walk out quietly but this stopped me.
    Wow. Seems like a really awful year. And wow I’m about to type something so cliche but you see, its true. THIS WILL PASS.
    It usually always does if we just hold on.
    Goodluck girl.

  • Nosa says:

    There are few things in life which even manages to stir my emotions (because my emotions are almost non-existent) but i have to say this broke me.

    I’m not one to get sentimental but mehn, the pain in the words almost feels alive. I have no idea what PCOS is, but i believe anything physical always has an exception (i pray yours is and you have the kids you want).

    For the depression, i honestly don’t think i’m fit enough to give advice, but from the experience of the glimmer of light that shines in my abyss, I can confidently say it gets better. You just have to tough it out.

    This is not a prayer but watchout for a sign next year. I don’t know what it is. Or how it’ll come. I’m just being realistic, when life attempts to break you and you refuse to give in, it has a way of rewarding your resilience. The worst that could ever be is past, from here on, it gets better. Just lookout for the sign, and seize it when it comes

  • mariaah says:

    Wow! Deola.. I have stumbled on your twitter/instagram/website several times this year and more recently, saw the progress of your blog and thought “wow, this babe don dey go far oo”.

    Hang in there love. Keep being your beautiful self and things will work out somehow. Live your youth, learn, grow and when the time comes for them babies, you will be surprised.

  • Ife says:

    I kept reading all these stories with the intent of not commenting. I’ve been following for a year or two now. I just come here, soak it all in, get inspired and move on. This year though sigh, I’m almost in tears. Tears because these ‘testimonies’ are almost like silent whispers to me: ‘you are not alone’ I am not alone. We all have our struggles afterall. In the end, we sure are still standing. Two particular things in Deola’s story and some others are exactly like what I went through in recent years. Grrrr. Health issues! God is in control. Stay strong!

  • Lou says:

    I hope you have found comfort in the kindness of the people who have commented here already. Keep going – imagine how much you will have to be thankful for when things get better! You seem like a wonderful person, and there is so much love and goodwill waiting for you in the world… Ever seen Finding Nemo? “Just keep swimming.” x

  • Tee says:

    Thank God for blogs mehn! Here I was thinking I was the only one that they have tried to pin this PCOS on.
    Deola, I can’t imagine all you’ve been through. You are not incomplete dear, you are wonderfully and beautifully made in the image of God. 2015 is going to be an Amos 9:13 year. I know that the blessings will start before the end of this year.
    I’ve had a pretty crazy year especially these past 3 months. I know it will be just as beautiful soon!
    I don’t know you, but I love you dear. Keep keeping on!

  • Greatise says:

    It’s all been said. This is praying the little light in the midst of the clutter on your table burns brighter, fiercer and overcomes the darkness in 2015

  • People like you amaze me, with the way you can cloak sadness with huge smiles and bright eyes. You get dressed and you show up, and honestly I think that’s the best way to take on life. To never let things weigh you down to an extent where you can no longer function. To choose optimism over pessimism. To refuse to give up. To keep fighting, keep moving on. To strive, and to believe that it can only get better. And when it does get better, you’ll be glad you never gave up.

  • Kodetrix says:

    There are certain things parents should NOT say to their kids “you are incomplete” one of them, my father said this to me while growing up, I never understood what he meant until this year when I saw my genotype test results after being diagnosed of Spleenomegaly, Thank God I’m better now.

    When you wake up in the morning confess positve things in your life, even if you can’t pray.

    You will wake up one day and every thing will be history.
    Have faith, keep fighting.

  • Lola says:

    Deola, I read this and I must tell you I actually cried, not out of pity but because you could let it all out unlike myself. You’re really a wonderful person and always trust the saying that ‘God never leaves his own’ he sure will shine light to every dark areas of your life.

  • tolu says:

    Hi Deola,

    I find your story more interesting than sad. While alot has happened in ways you didnt want or expect, id say you’d find each of these experiences very useful in the near future. The tricky thing about hurdles is they challenge the fighter in you. I doubt you’d be in Nigeria if things worked in NY, I doubt you’d gain useful work skills and exposure if you were comfortable at your first work place.

    Parents are rather special and most times ignorant of the effect of their lack of support, but this can be turned into zeal and tenacity for you.

    Your health peedicaments are definitely not set in stone, be of good cheer.

    Additionally, everyone has had quite impressive things to say about you, from how commendable your work is, to how beautiful you are as a person…well, everyone but YOU!

    People can show empathy, give kind words, support even, but the confidence to succeed is on YOU.

    You shouldn’t worry about 2015, tomorrow isn’t a given…what counts is NOW, you’d feel differently if you focus more on your strenghts and become appreciative of everything you have now.

    Depending on how you look at it, your 2014 was interesting, from relocating to a different city, getting to live with your parents, learning to adapt and understand the Nigerian work structure, appreciating and fighting for good health and finally being rid of a short term lover.

    BE OF GOOD CHEER, ALWAYS!

    NB : The greatest order for you as an artist is to look at things differently. Perhaps you should quit trying to isolate and draw energy soley from the lit candle, everything in your picture serves a purpose.

  • Hey Dee

    You know I keep telling you that you are a fighter
    I love your spirit and i love how you keep getting back up. 2015 will be your year. PCOS? Ess nuffin baby gyal.

    You will conquer all. And we’ll share a bottle of Merlot at the finish line :*

  • Chuks says:

    I really wanna say something to you but everything has already been said up there so, I will go a step further. If you ever need some to talk to or share with or just hang out. I am a tweet away – @ChuksMusty. Cheers.

    PS: My days have been dark too and the most important thing, I realised, is God and someone to talk to who can walk with you through it.

  • Oh dear! Deola, all will be well. I won’t lie and say I can understand what you went through but I do feel your pain. Your article got to me and I can only hope and pray for the best for you. Bless you.

  • Juugo says:

    It’s like you called my 2015 out for review. Great God is on your case. Amen.

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