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“Same shit, different toilet”

I could actually do a copy and paste of last year’s post and send it to Efe but that would be me being ungrateful.

I would like to think of 2011 and 2012 as identical female twins but 2012 as the half with the D cup (not subbing myself) and 2011 with the A cup.

Let’s concentrate on the twin with the D cup (naturally)…

Breasts are just a feature of females but having them (or not) can make such a huge difference- fitting of clothes, cleavage, men attraction and those damn Igbo boys that sing “bobee e” in Yaba when you walk by…yeah they’re just a feature but they make a lot of difference…

I digress…

2012 and 2011 would have both been a drab but for a single thing- the only thing I can think of when they ask “what’s your highlight of the year?”. You’re eager to know now? Ok…. AFTER THREE FRIGGIN’ YEARS IN A CLASS, I PASSED MY PATHOLOGY & PHARMACOLOGY EXAMINATION.

Ok, chill. You don’t get? Let me explain…I would use boobs again but I don’t wanna shoo the A cups off Efe’s blog…

Guys, you know when you’re shaving and then you start…ok, forget. Let me be fair and not discriminate…

Path & Pharm exam is that horrible exam you take in medical school, after which you’ve passed, people say “you’re now a doctor”. It is the worst, most stressful and bleh-est (hello, I can create words, I passed my exam dammit) test of human knowledge in medical school. What makes my story more dramatic is the fact that instead of the 18 months I was supposed to spend before writing my exams, I spent 3 yrs. It got so bad that my parents stopped discussing school with me because that brought out my she-hulk. “O n tan lo” (its almost over), those were my mother’s words when I told her her first daughter had scaled part 4 medical school unhitched and I am now in part 5. Never thought it would happen again but I made my parents happy, na me be this?

Guys, it wasn’t easy…flashback…

I got home one day from my friend’s room where I had studied overnight and was shaking. I couldn’t control my body movement, I was very weak yet restless. I had OD’ed on raw coffee. It was my mother’s birthday and I thought I had this in control. I promised not to tell her anything because she deserved a happy birthday.

“Hello Mummy. Happy Birthday”, and then I broke down into tears.


I’m gonna die.

Like this? I’d not even bathed.

Oh God!

Life flashes.

What do I see?

Me drinking soya milk.

I needed a better reflection of how I’d lived my life. Surely, I didn’t spend 23 yrs of my existence drinking soya milk. I wept for hours. All my family members called me! ALL! Family is everything to me!

Was it the day I packed all my textbooks and wanted to burn them? Mehn, thank God for 2nd thoughts…the thought that if I burned these books, I would have to burn myself too because I wouldn’t be able to face my father and tell him ALL the books he spent money on were burnt unaccidentally.

“Daddy I had a break down”

“Break down? Why didn’t you break dance into the fire?”


Was it the day my phone was stolen? Oh Lord! I cried!!! You know all those cry with plenty cattarh? Nkiru Sylvanus has nothing on me. I cried, questioned, cursed and cussed. I have a better replacement now. Thank God for friends.

Flash all the way back…

OccupyNigeria. One thing this gathering taught me is “I’m more passionate than I admit”. I’m a very playful person who used to think nothing bothers me but I realised when I’m into something, I really am into it. Also opened my eyes to the fact that Nigeria is a hopeless country whose only advantage to it, is that love can be found in it #nopunintended (Rihanna? The song? Yeah, that!).

When the school issue got to me too much, my parents decided to send me to the UK to visit and “for change of environment”. I did all that was required of me and people had even already told me I would buy them accent when I got there. I went to the embassy and visa denied. This totally broke me down. I mean, I had planned and over-planned- put on my bbm location status, bought winter jackets, saved a lot of money. Heck! I even packed my bags already. I just wanted to get away from it all but man proposes…

Applying for the visa was a test of “will anything positive ever happen to Deola?”. Being denied answered that question and this takes me to the next aspect…

God. I lost my faith and belief, especially around November when things got VERY bad. I didn’t understand why bad things persistently happened when I was most prayerful. I never for once doubted God’s existence but I needed answers. Answers I’m still yet to get… I’m closer to God now. Faith restored. December 21st is near…I honestly don’t want to roast. I may never find answers but I know there’s a supreme being who loves me. He also is patient enough for me to find Him, one step at a time.

Relationships. I got into one, I got out. I just couldn’t compromise some stuff. My emotional strength is also a weakness. I’m still looking for the balance. Relationships are good but overrated, I still prefer eating hot dodo to them. I don’t wanna be alone forever though. I want to get married like Efe and stay married. I had/ still have a lot of crushes…guys who I will like to be with but may never start anything with them because I always jinx it. I dreamt of my BellaNaija marriage to Dangote and I will implore you people to join me in fasting. Vox populi, Vox Dei.

Seeing people die almost daily still breaks me. I don’t think I would ever get used to it. I could never say this enough- let’s pay attention to ourselves and people around us.

I thought I would include some other stuff in this piece but time has made them insignificant.

I’m grateful for life, love, friendship and family.

RIP Aluu 4; should never have watched that video. The images are still in my mind.

Here is hoping for a better 2013.

Peace, love and soyamilk.


Your humour makes me think you’re in the wrong profession. Thank you for this dear Doctor Deola.

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