Day 16: Nkoli

Sigh.

A few days ago, I was almost sure I had wrapped up/dealt with everything that could possibly happen to me in 2014.

Just a few days ago.

Anyway, I’ve come to accept that life always has something new to show me. I always am ready for the new experiences, because I’ve had a while to understand that anything can happen, anytime.

Lol, funny how I decided yesterday  that I was just gonna come here, type happy stuff, pretend, say all the cliché stuff some of us say, and just keep it moving. Oh well, these fingers seem to have a mind of their own, apparently. Yup, not me, it’s the fingers.

Anyway, before I ramble on and on, I have just a few things to say about this year.

For one, I went back to being a closed door. I think I tried to be open to a lot of people last year, it didn’t work and I decided to clam up again, because well, that’s what I do best. I’ve come to realize (again) that I’m a freaking hypocrite (excuse my language). I encourage people to talk about their problems (“problem shared is problem half solved” which I think is bullocks by the way), and they do, with me. They bare it all. I would not do that. I can’t bare my soul to save my life, truth is, I don’t even want to, tbh.

Two jobs this year and I still haven’t figured out my path. I’m almost tired of trying. Almost.

Ebuka (The Nnaji family in general), my pillar of comfort. Wonder what I’d do without you sometimes.

I still feel like a failure sometimes. I still have those thoughts I had August 2013. Still have this rush of sadness. Still failing at the being closer to God bit.

Remi, you are a blessing. A self-involved one, but still a blessing and I love you.

I’ve had suitors (the igbo way) since I was 22. Three years later, I still haven’t said “yes” to any of them and my mum’s getting impatient (Doesn’t help that my two sisters are getting married almost at the same time in a few months. I called it a gang up. Why they gotta do me like that?) I don’t feel pressured, yet. I think she’ll learn to understand why I can’t be married yet. Please don’t ask.

Oh, that brings me to my love life. I’m not sure how mum will feel when I bring home the Yoruba man I “acquired”. Yeah, they aren’t all demons. This one is a reverse demon (I can come up with new concepts, I’m a femini…nvm) She’ll be fine though.

Meanwhile, I still love you Funa. Lots of times it feels like we drift but I love you. We both love Yoruba men so we are sisters *hugs*.

I finally let go of one area of toxicity in my life. Difficult. Very. Very. God knows it hurts. But it is for the best. *playing Clean| Taylor Swift*.

Grey. You weird, eccentric, amazing man. You don’t make me feel grey.

By the way, I LOVE LIVING FAR AWAY FROM FAMILY. It is the best feeling. They get to trust your decisions more (mostly because they don’t really have a choice. Na the same thing abeg).

I love you Oyin. You are beautiful.

Last year I appreciated Tolu. This year I need her to know she means a lot to me, if she doesn’t know it. Tolu believes in me way more than I believe in myself. She is my talent manager by the way, and never fails to encourage me with regards to my singing career. Olumibae too. He is my song writer. The other Olumide is amazing as well. He once told me to sing covers of songs to him every day. I chickened out. With these 3, I know I have the confidence to do this.

To the one who calls me Venus. Thank you. That’s really all I have to say.

Let’s see what 2015 holds, shall we?

P.S.: Please buy your Christmas things and storvs from www.jumia.com.ng . Thenz.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

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Merry Christmas in advance everyone!!

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Your writeup felt like a Grammy acceptance speech. You won awards this year, yes? Yes?! Yes!!! Thank you for sharing 🙂

highlandblue

I love to learn. I love to teach. For me the two are the same.

26 Comments

  • Ayodeji says:

    U’re Beautiful and a Yoruba will definitely look great on you. I love living away from my family too, but my Mum thinks its evil.

  • Amaka says:

    This was nicely written. I smiled all through. That living away from family something, I gotta try it soonish.

  • Tomboxe says:

    Baby girl president. Good times are just around the corner, darling.

  • Grey says:

    Alays. My nigga, my nigga, my nigga. You have this beautiful, beautiful mind and capacity for infinite awesomeness all bottled up inside of you. And sometimes you say the most unbelievably amazing things I wonder if you’re even aware of your own propensity for greatness? …. Like, you create words so fucking epic and beautiful by accident and you do it a lot. I hope 2015 is that year that redefines everything around you to reflect all the good you’re hiding inside of you. Thank you for being a great friend.
    Write more.
    See more.
    Live more.
    Open up more.
    Sing more.
    And stop. Running. Away.
    Peace.
    *ends epistle*

  • Dekemisola says:

    Hmm. Lovely post!

    This life is funny, you’re loving a Yoruba man while my ultimate dream is to at least date an Igbo man (my mum would scream too). LOL.

    Anyone can deduce from your post that you’re amazing! Never give up on yourself. Be happy. And try talking to people (not necessarily baring it all), it helps. Really.

    And yeah, Ebuka Nnaji is amazeballs!

  • Peju says:

    Nkolikaaaa. Your voice is amazing. Im sure you dont need me to tell you that. Your awesome years are coming by very soon. God bless you dear.

  • Lade says:

    I met you this year. One of the highlights of the year. You’re a very awesome person. And your voice. Wow. Very amazing

  • Remi Jacobs says:

    Alex, I’ve known you for longer than I’ve known most people in my life atm, that’s 2? give or take 3 years… Which tells a sad tale of my ability to keep people around, but you know how it is for we self-involved niggas. Anyway knowing you was mostly over the phone with those conversations MTN probably had the better of, and I had that shitty job so you did most of the calling, but there were those days I’d recharge 1500 and … Lol good times… Then we met last year and well… that happened. Come 2014 I moved to Lagos, new job, new car, new suits. It was pretty amazing, I mean from everyone else’s view, We both knew that wasn’t what was happening, I was hurting really bad, my heart was a mess and my mind was haunted . You came through for a nigga, you caught me right before I hit the ground, you know, like a super hero but with real soft skin and long legs and lol…nah. You saved me Alex, those nights you held me, kissed me, and just loved me. I don’t know how I’d have pulled through without you… I know I still went on and fucked around and did some stupid shit, but you know… I mean, it could have been worse. Then there’s the silent arguments we’ve been having, ungrounded and undefined discords that tbh I think are spiritual, cos you know haters are like everywhere and they know people that know people that strangle chickens and sprinkle their blood on white clothes. But we’d be fine, we always would be. Anyway where I’m going to with this epistle that has lowkey been mostly about “Me” because self-involved and self-absorbed. Is I love you Alex, you’ve done so much consciously and unconsciously. I love your flaws even the inconvenient ones. I love your rabbit teeth and how the come out for an applause when you say something stupid, I love your piercing eyes they tell the truth about you, I love those hands you use to hold me and crackle my fingers even when you promise you wouldn’t again but still do anyway. I love those long legs that you use to take those journeyman walks with me. I love your voice, I love what it does to me, I love your silence its amazing company, I love your presence, don’t ever leave me Alex. I love you, this I do eternally

    • Peju says:

      Awwwwwwwwwwww. If i didnt know bettter, i would say yall were engaged. This is realllyy sweet. Had me tearing up and shit.

    • Alex says:

      Wow. Wow, Wow,
      I swear I don’t even know what to say, Remi.
      When you told me last night you had commented on my post, I swear i didn’t see this coming.
      Jesus. I’m glad i was there to help you heal. That’s what Alex do.
      Thank you for being my friend. You are a great guy, really(Girlsss, he’s also single btw)

      You are one of the few people that get me(it), I’m not ready to give that up for anything.
      I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry.
      (It also seemed like the self-involved bit hurt you, I’m sorry). I was being honest.

      • Luchies says:

        I’m sorry Alex but did you just bro-friendzone the bros after that heartfelt epistle declaration? Diaris godu oo!

        I’ve been strolling past but i had to comment. I hear you. Here’s wishing you an awesome 2015!

  • Timothy says:

    As in . . . . . this your post is just too beautiful, original and you! I don’t know you and never have met you but the way you write gives me a good idea of your kind of person. You’re amazing, like seriously 😀 . You kept me smiling all through & your ability to see and bring out the humor in almost everything is something I admire. Have a great 2015. . . . . better than you anticipate!

  • Sharon says:

    Lexy. Lexy. Amazing Lexy. Phenomenal Lexy. We should stop postponing this karaoke thing. And I’m glad to have you on my team. And I promise I’ll make sure I keep more in contact next year. Because you’re a great person with a good heart who is going places and I need to hold on to my famzing rights. You and Olumide are awesome individually and epic together. Love you :*

  • Vixenpixie says:

    Its funny how I’m just seeing this. I love u too Girl.
    And who is this Remi Person?

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