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This Post by Edwin (@EdGothBoy) brings out something I would have loved to express but would not be able to in this way…

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When I chose to do this, I just sent a number and got given a date and a topic, and afterwards I freaked out. I really haven’t spoken about myself since I dumped my journal in 2009. Hidden conviniently behind fiction, spinning tales of other people to hide myself. But thankfully, this has a theme to guide me so I’ll try to be as honest and get it done as possible.

LOWS
This year has been one of my lowest, a lot happened, a whole lot. But I guess six things really stood out for me.

The first and most recent was my elder sister getting married. I am extremely happy for her and she married someone she’s loved for nearly twenty years. Still remember both of them sneaking off as teenagers to my mom’s chagrin. But what is depressing about it is that inspite of the 11 years between us, she was my best friend and biggest cheerleader. She was always there when I needed her, she was always a phone call away. I could always rely on her when I needed her. But now she isn’t here anymore and every day I realise it just a little more. 

Second was when I had to leave my friends for half a year. Ope and Segun have been in my life for so long, I’d taken for granted how lucky I am to have friends who get me so implicitly. When we all had to split for six months for SIWES, I realised how much they’d become a part of me, all those days they’d stay up with me helping me figure out how to perfect a short story became all the more valuable. How our conversations switched from mythology to politics to vodka to metaphysics in the space of 10 minutes was something I couldnt replicate.  I missed them terribly.

The third was my mental health. My bouts of depression came back this year. The last time I’d had it this bad was in 2008. They were triggered by memories I’d thought I’d buried and forgotten but apparently, those things don’t go away that easily. Some days it just came unbidden and I’d have trudge through the day and hope for the best. I contemplated suicide many times, I’m ashamed to say. I’m very sanguine in person so few people get to see the brooding underneath. I’m sad to say I pasted a lot of false grins this year.

Fourth, a couple of people I didnt know personally died this year. But these people were related to people I knew and their deaths devastated them, and by proxy, me. Especially Katherine Williams, sister of Leigh Williams, friend from Minnesota I made on my early blogging days on yahoo 360. Her death wasn’t in any newspaper, few people even knew how she died. But she’ll stay with me forever.

Fifth, I got rejected by someone this year. This isnt the first time I’ve gotten rejected and I wasn’t in love with the person. Hell, I wasnt even sure I liked her. But it was risky and I was bored and we sorta made out, and it turned out to be one of the best kisses of my life. And our lips had barely parted when she hustled me out of her house like I’d suddenly contracted the plague. In that moment, I felt for all the girls who’d put themselves out there for a guy only to be treated like a nuisance.

The sixth totally devastated me but I dont want to talk about yet because I feel hypocritical telling strangers when I havn’t told my mom.

HIGHS
This year has also been amazing for me inspite of all the bad.

First, I took my writing really seriously this year. I honed my craft and wrote endlessly. It gave me joy, helped me make sense of some really dark days and generally made my life much better. But what made it such a high is that I finally got a medium to share my words and they touched people. People, real humans who were not my biased friends read what I penned down and it touched them. Wow!

Secondly, this network of friends sort of grew around me, people I can call or text or IM for advice, critique or just generally say hi. People I admire and hope to write like someday. People like that Baka Ekwem who writes the celestial stuff, Chioma my very own succubus, Efe my pops man, Banxman with whom I apparently share an obsession for eccentric hair.  Sammy, the very human bot, Mayokun the Odd future groupie and loads of others.

Third was meeting the guys from PTS, Dare and Ranti. I wont say much but what I’ll say is we’ve been through a lot together and they’ve grown up before my eyes. I’m insanely proud of them.

Fourth, was something I’ve had on my bucket list since I was six. I took a beautiful girl to a live concert of a musician whose craft I really loved. We held hands and swayed to the music, screamed the words to the songs we really liked and shared a torrid kiss in the cab home afterwards. Twas nothing short of magic.

Fifth, my cousin’s first child Nummayyi was born. 10th of February 2011. He’s the most perfect little thing I’ve ever seen. I have an insane love of children and been wanting one that’s actually part of my family since forever. Holding him for the first time on his naming ceremony reinforced my want to have children sometime in the future. And yes, I have been a hands-on cousin and fed him and changed his diapers sef. Not pretty at all. But I love him all the same. 😀

Sixth; across the interwebs, I met this girl who is as pretty as she is smart. She’s been through a whole lot and come out strong, she’s always there when I need a friend and she doesn’t ask a lot of me. She is eccentric and edgy and a tad whimsical. She says things like ‘me mam’ and is always calling people Baka. She always forgets to say hi when we chat and I just lol ’cause it endears me to her more. We gel on a metaphysical level. I could just sit and stare at her all day, (yeah I have a stash of all her munched avatars X_X ). She is that girl that I know I could just be with. I may joke sometimes when I say I’ll track her down  eventually and wife her but I know deep down that it is mostly true. She is one of the high points of my year. Getting to know and respect her has spiced my days. It’s not every incubus that is lucky enough to meet his succubus. 🙂 She-She; ayam coming for you oh!

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Baka! 😀 Tomorrow the awesome ThinkTank comes on the Guest Blog Challenge. We are just getting started people 🙂