Well hi there.
2012… Where do I even start.. I think I laughed hardest this year, I probably also shed the most tears in 2012 and I thank God for the shoulders that were there for me to cry on. Oh yea, I may have set a record high at my department too. I knew of complete selflessness, devotion to God, friendship, patience, tolerance, humility and all that cool stuff (I could go on forever).
People laugh when I say I never knew what it felt like to be a child, that’s because my childhood was a frenzy, like every year deposited a scar on me as a reminder, scars I know I’m still afraid to show the world, scars I can’t help but blame someone for. Technically for me, 2012 started on the 14th of January which was my birthday so we can call that a highpoint. I wanted to feel like a child again and so I somehow induced the hype and I got two sizeable cakes and invited a ton of people, only 4 showed up. Story of my life. All in all, it was good, a remarkable way to sign out of may-be teen-hood.
And then, school resumed… It was my final semester but for some reason I totally don’t get, my heart still dropped to my stomach when the old Peugoet took the left turn departing from Abuja.. Yes. It was real, anyways 400L started and I stayed outside school (The struggle was realest.. From the mai-ruwa hunts, unnecessary bills to the kosai breakfasts, hahaha! The curfew period was the best, Zaria was a ghost town, that was when I became a pro at fetching water from the well…) The dreadful part of 400L had to be the project work aspect since my supervisor was a pregnant female specifically sent to torture my soul and make me question my existence. (I may be exaggerating a bit but I don’t cuurrr). She was a major source of frustration but she pushed me hard and now she has a baby and is all nice and sweet… We like each other now… ( ._.) Oh yea.. 400L First Semester results came out and yea, that was the record I met, I mean gpa o not the cummulative thing. It was the actual 4.5, lool. I couldn’t believe it sha ‘cos I didn’t even pray for myself much this year (that shall be discussed under selflessness), heck it was just wow, because the last person who reached that gpa is now a lecturer in my department and that was yeeeeaaaars ago.. So yay me! Second semester was aite too.. Long story short, I’m a degree holder now (notice I didn’t say graduate *tueh*)
On selflessness and devotion to God… Growing up with a single parent & 3 other siblings is hard, it means you don’t get to have the attention you may need growing up, it means your achievements don’t get as celebrated as you may deem fit, it means losing a part of yourself to make do with what you have. If your self gets in the way, you’ll end up with resentment & bitterness. Sigh. On God’s green (now turning grey) earth, my Mum is … Words can’t exactly describe. 2011 was the worst possible end to a year because I didn’t bargain for my mum to be in an accident. But that was just the beginning, it did get progressively worse.
Well this year, I saw my mum at her weakest which was really hard. I struggled with depression, I was mad at the world, angry. I felt betrayed, I never strayed, never disobeyed, and I felt that ought to have been enough to keep my mother safe and still it happened. I devoted most of my year praying for her and drawing close to God, not being anxious but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving I made known my requests. All through this period I was dead to self and my focus was just on praying for her, my family as a whole and my friends and everyone who had come in contact with me. God does have a sense of humor. As I prayed, her condition steadily worsened and then stabilized. Somehow I went from blissful ignorance to knowing the daily doses of insulin, knowing the correct diet for her & knowing the types and prices of prosthetics. At this stage, I’m just resigned, hopeful perhaps and grateful to still have her.
This year my father tried the hardest to regain a connection he never had. I habour no hatred toward the man and in all honesty I pray he becomes more than my source of extra cash. I also connected with my step-siblings more this year.
I know that home isn’t where my heart is, I know because I’m here & would rather be in a thousand other places. Family, yes I love them, but being around them isn’t as easy as it used to be, all I want is to be alone elsewhere. Maybe hope makes it all tolerable. I love my solitude and cherish it even more now.
In 2012, I knew of loss (I was in shock and I didn’t believe Amina was truly gone until like a week after) and how important it is to appreciate what we have been given, the life we have. I learnt to appreciate my family, friends and everyone around me more. This life is a gift after all and the Bible says we are like mist which appears for a while and is no more.
In 2012, I learnt of tolerance, to cope with my family, to understand and accept people as they are. No judgments. And I’m trying my hardest not to shove my opinion down their throats (sehsual… loool, blame that on the few GhenGhen podcasts I’ve listened to.)
2012… I took my advice on loving harder this year. I really appreciated the friends I have in this year. I met some cool people this year and even strengthened existing friendships. I have so many people I really care about. I knew how it felt to genuinely love and care about people to the point that what hurts them, hurts me which is quite surprising anytime I just look back on the old Tunrie. Somehow, I know I didn’t love as hard as I could have but still, I gave it a shot. Anyways, I don’t think listing names is such a good idea… I love you all, best believe!
Ah. 2012, I’m sure I got the most compliments this year.. And be sure to keep them coming. 🙂
2012.. Ah! I didn’t fall in love all through this year! Do you know how embarrasing falling is??? I remember falling in 2009, I just wanted to become one with the ground (:|) Loool! Okay. I don’t want to jinx it, I still have like 2 weeks to go.
In 2012, one kiss was stolen from me (can you imagine the guts of this guy? I will hunt you down and take it back. Oh wait, I’m still not sure if I dreamt that or if it was real… I’m sorry guys… Blame it on my theoretical love life.)
Oh yea, 2012. I may or may not have developed an online shopping problem. I can’t help it. I also confirmed my total lack of aversion and inhibition to ‘nice-smelling guys’ (so y’all should just stay away from meyyy. I really can’t concentrate.) Pray for mey guys!
In 2012, just as my entire family didn’t attend my matriculation, they still didn’t attend my convocation which is all good, well, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that but my friends made up for their absence.
This year I’m beginning to understand the feeling people talk about of actually loving and enjoying what you do so much that it doesn’t really feel like work. (Or maybe that’s because I haven’t completely gotten a hang of it) And I’m grateful for that. I’m also learning to cope with being part of a larger family thanks to my youth church choir, the Psalmurai, I love you guys.
All in all, this year has taught me so much that I usually take for granted, most of all that even though I may cry myself to sleep some nights, in the morning, the next morning or the one after that, joy will come; even at the times when you completely forget yourself, God is always there. I also learnt that there’s ALWAYS something to live for. I learnt that in my weakness, I am strong. I’ve somehow perfected the art of not letting negativity get to me. I will be happy because I deserve to be. I believe everyone else does too. As the year comes to an end, all I am for the most part is thankful.
I also didn’t get any scars from 2012, thanks for being nice to me 2012… I leave 2012, a better Christian, a stronger woman with improved attitude, awesome-r personality and a larger heart.
This is to new friendships, love, change and greater achievements! Cheers!
Bye guys, I’m off to conquer 2013.
I love the optimism and positivity of this post. Makes the trials you went through seem much lighter. I’ve learned from this. Thank you, Tunrie.
We look forward to Oyin schooling us tomorrow. Don’t be told.