This year was meant to change it all…
Okay a quick flashback to 2011, which was where it all started.
I’ve never had any problems with failure, in any aspect of my life. I won’t say it came easy. I wasn’t top of my class, but I was up there.
The way you handle your first failure goes a long way, and I didn’t handle mine right. Funniest thing was, I was expecting the University to advise me to withdraw. But when it happened, something flipped. I didn’t understand how that happened. I failed of course, but it was still shocking. I never fail.
But I took it in stride, or so I thought. I can still remember the way my mum flung herself to the ground in tears, wailing at me. I can still remember my friends consoling me, as I wept. I still remember like it wasn’t the first Friday of February (my birth month) of 2011. But I had life, I have life and parents who went to bat for me immediately.
They got me new JAMB forms and all that. I decided to change my major from engineering to economics. Two years later, I still wasn’t getting admission. I was not failing you see, I was passing every exams I took, but that admission letter wasn’t forthcoming. More failure to deal with my already battered confidence. I would question God, sometimes I still do. I still don’t understand what happened.
Failure took away my optimism. My confidence. My happiness. And I’m still looking for all this.
I know it’s a 2015 review.
*fast forward to 2014/15*
So, in 2014, after another rejection, I was advised by a lecturer to go back to engineering and try from that angle. I was open to trying, so I enrolled for A levels. I was always in class, my parents got all the expensive books, paid the expensive fees (God bless them for me). I wasn’t going putting all my faith in the A levels, so I got JAMB on the side, as a plan B that’d never be used.
January came and A level exams in May were just around the corner. I read fire. I prayed fire. I prayed so hard and read so hard and I was confident that the A levels would work out. That wasn’t the case. Another failure,, you see. How was I to face my pops, or my mom, for that matter? My mom was comforting, my dad went ballistic.
I still don’t understand what went wrong in 2011 and in the first half of 2015.
My mum was like, dark forces were at work, and yes, they were. Can you fathom your grandma causing you problems? Mehn.
But that God that lives today, tomorrow and forever was just chilling and looking at everything.
It turned out that backup plan that wasn’t to be utilized gave me the joy I now ride on. I was finally offered admission to study Electrical/Electronics Engineering. Everybody was happy for me, even my day one friends who don’t keep in touch, my brother who acts aloof, my sister in a world of her own and my kid brother in the cocoon of naivety. Everyone was happy, I was happy.
Unfortunately, the school was not putting up the list up on their website. My mom was telling me to check everyday. Even after showing her the admission letter on the JAMB website and printing it, She was still scared something could go wrong. I was scared something would go wrong, but I was hoping and I just kept faith.
A few days ago, the university put the list up on their website. And when I showed my mum, the immense joy on her face…. she rolled on the floor giving praise to God. I was so happy, and not happy at the same time. If only 2011 didn’t happen, if only A levels didn’t happen.
I have this problem with moving on and it is because I’m yet to understand. I don’t think I want to.
I just wonder why God decided to show up for me, the unworthy. He’s so mighty. I cannot fathom His existence, but he returned to me that which I thought was lost.
Honestly, if this year had been another one full of failure, I could have summoned the courage to say a final goodbye. I would have stopped trying to get back to school, I would have stopped trying to live.
A part of me died in 2011. It is going to take a while to build it back up, but I’m almost there and God had His very big hand in it.
This year I also started a sport news website Sportsblip.net, I hope to God it becomes big.
All in all, despite the many downs and tumbles, I’m getting back on my feet, and I can say 2015 is a good year.
When I saw the name Tife I couldn’t be sure it was the same Tife of Sports Blip. Then at the end I felt the goosebumps. I have a story for you to read Tife. LINK
Ladies and gents, testify in this comments box. What big thing did God finally roll away from your life this year!?