So I’ve always wanted to tell my story but I had been waiting for a climax. I wanted something big so I could conclude with “after everything I’ve been through I won the lottery” or a great Madiba quote. But well, I realized that everyday has really ended well, because for some reason I keep waking up to new mornings and greater opportunities and really what are the chances of me winning the lottery? It would be easier for Diezani to get asylum in Saudi Arabia than it would be for me to win the lottery but let’s just be observing.
Because I too dey talk I will take you all the way back to 2005! That’s 10 years ago but abeg read on.
I was still suffering from low self esteem issues at the time but then my boobs started to grow and in a few months, I was a DD! Believe it or not my boobs changed my life. By virtue of having boobs my parents immediately started to be concerned that I was about to spoil, everyone told me to change my gait or dress differently. For me, this was the moment where I had to make sure people were listening to me when I spoke and not just looking at my chest as though there was an oil well there. 2005 – the Year of the Boobs.
This was arguably the most defining year of my life. I had a bad feeling about the year, and prayers didn’t stop the bad things from happening. I saw my father die. You see, my dad got shot by gun men, and guess who opened the front gate for them? Internationally certified busy body – me. Till this day, the Nigerian police have not interviewed anyone about the death of my father apart from me, because somehow as a teenager I could have sensed that they were gunmen and protected my home. I may have some similarities with Wonder Woman but I am not she. The last thing my dad said to my mum as he walked unknowingly to his death was “I am giving you my love in full”. These words will never leave me and that’s the only thing I know how to do now – how to love.
2007-2011: The Blur
University was a blur! I fell in “love” twice, I think I got hurt but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I met my best friend and many other people that saw me transform from a tomboy to woman that enjoys being a woman. In 2009, I lost my friend to her rapist, and I lost another friend in a car crash. Death was pretty fond of me at this time, it made me less afraid of it. Well, I played basketball, found a family in the team and became the school captain. And yes, somehow somewhere along the line, I got a degree.
Lol. Too many things happened. I made mistakes. I don’t remember most of them but I leaned to be strong for my mum, my siblings and my mighty big family. I met Alhaji.
I did the most. Namo passed. I prayed. I failed but I fell in love.
I started 2014 with two promises to myself – be happy and visit a new country. It was the second hardest year of my life but I chose happiness. So many days I heard that I was worthless, useless and all that but I was able to laugh it off and face the things that I wanted. I realized I wasn’t that bad after all.
In 2014, I learned to see the good in everyone. My past self would be shocked at how positive I became. I started doing all the things I wanted when I wanted. I travelled around Nigeria (thanks to my job) and met amazing people. I started my charity as a commitment to myself because I realized that it gave me happiness. When people called me selfless, I called myself selfish because the things I do for others with the help of so many people really just make me happy. I broke every rule in 2014 and I’m not sorry. In 2014, I found myself.
Fast forward to 2015
God found me early in life and the guy just clears my path most times without me asking. I fail him but he doesn’t fail me.
I’m just a baby girl right now. I learned that feminism is not an insult. Lol. I am a feminist now. When bad things happen now, I remember the hopelessness of 2006 and realize that as long as I’m alive I can keep fighting!
I’ve met wonderful people this year (including that internally displaced person that had so many dreams he believed in so much, his dreams would shit on all my presidential dreams and he is certain he’d make them happen).
I’ve set goals, I’ve missed some, I’ve reached some. At this point I’m not trying to be perfect in my 20’s. I need to make some mistakes so all the stories I tell my children won’t be lies. I woke up this morning and may/may not have made someone climax.
So that’s it for now. I guess I don’t need to wait for that lottery or that billion dollar empire.
For the big quote:
“I am not my boobs”
Thank you Karo for telling your story. We had fun meeting you.
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