Do I need to introduce myself? Lol. My name’s Sanusi. I’m a scientist…in every way. I blog about tech at TechSuplex. I wanted to try my hands on something totally different and challenging, so…well…this is the result. If my writing’s poor, please refer to the “I’m a scientist” reference above.
My first try is a touchy subject, one I’m not even sure I’m qualified to debate about, but I had a talk about it with two different people in the past week and apparently, my views are very different from the norm…so I thought this might be a good place to take the plunge with regards to this experiment.
So Full Disclosure with your partner when in a relationship…Yay? Or Nay? I say yay and I’ll explain my reasons, but let’s first consider reasons why it could be Nay for some.
The three most popular reasons I hear are:
1. The need to protect one’s self from harm/hurt that could result from divulging certain details about one’s life or past.
2. The need to maintain some form of mystery, to keep the other person interested.
3. The need to forget one’s past (probably due to shame) and not empowering someone else to remind you of the past you so keenly want to forget.
The above are all great arguments, valid points, the importance of which shouldn’t be lost whichever side of the argument you are on. However, there are a few things to point out.
Humans are going to hurt you regardless of whether you give them details or not…Why? Because we are human…it’s built in our DNA…try as we may not to, we will eventually…again and again. The degree of hurt may vary depending on your relationship with the person, but that’s a function of YOUR mind. The person responsible for assigning how hurtful an experience is, is YOU…. Life get’s loads easier when you accept that humans will be humans. You can try to avoid them, and avoid hurt (not sure that works practically, but there’s a theoretical chance of it working), but at what cost? You miss out on so much of life to avoid so little. (Maybe next post if I can get around to it, I’ll discuss this concept).
Here’s something else to think about: WE ARE ALL SINNERS. Every single religion is built around that concept. You and I were filthy with sin before we were born…”Everyone’s nyash was opened thousands of years ago“…so I already know you are a sinner, what are you then hiding? Something that’s public knowledge? I don’t get it.
We all need to accept the fact that we aren’t perfect…no one is…the moment you do, becomes the point where you start being able to live with your past…and own it. If you own your past, you can’t have problems sharing it with people you care about.
Notice till now, how we haven’t even talked about relationships with your partner. I’m no expert (in truth no one truly is…so stop buying those books and read your Holy Book..lol). But let’s go there.
The basic goal of any genuine relationship is to become one with someone else. (I’m talking about the ones that sail towards the altar…corny joke, I know…but it isn’t mine..so I can’t take credit (un)fortunately). If the above goal rings true, then not divulging info to your partner from the unset presents two problems:
1. You can’t be a complete one with someone when parts are missing.
2. You also can’t be one if you take the decision to withhold information on your own, seeing as both of you are in it together.
So the very foundation of the concept is flawed (if you consider it the way I’ve laid it out).
Again, I’m not experienced, but I think the idea of having someone in your life, is for that person to accept you as you are, past and present…anything short of that is selling yourself short. If the person wants to be with you because of the impression(s) (that you give him/her), the person really is into an idea in his/her head and not you. Ideas, rarely last for long…till they are replaced with others.
That’s about it. Before I run off and duck for cover, out of curiosity, what’s the worst thing you have heard happen to someone because they were totally open in their relationship?
I think the views on this will be interesting. Views in the comment box please! 🙂