The most difficult things I ever have to write in my life are things that are about me or my life. I literally stare for hours at a blank screen when I am to put together (say) a 150 word (small) bio. It’s not for a dearth of answer to the question “Who am I?” but more of a visceral unwillingness to put anything down. Like you’d put a gun to my head and I’d still find it hard to say much about myself asides my name. You could say I am hiding something. You could also say that I am hiding away from myself. It’s why I find writing something of this sort extremely difficult. But I also realize that it is important that I do.
Why then, you ask, did you carry your big head and volunteer to write this if you’re so reluctant; after all nobody begged you, no? Well… maybe I am tired of walking past the mirror with my face turned away in fear of what I might find. There’s no clear script, rhyme or reason to this so take (figuratively) my hand and let’s retrospectively take a trip through this year as lived by me.
Ah, this year I learned mahn.
You see, from this point on, I had written something totally different. And it was an expose of sorts. I was going to talk about how I fucked up and all that blah. A whole bunch of shit happened for me this year, that I’d largely been quiet about and took in my stride because I am the guilty party (for the most part). But you see, nothing is ever black and white. However, I also realize the Mongrel pulling the Pacquiao should simply be allowed to do so. So that’s that.
My people say something: “Tout le monde est sage apres coupe” that is Hindsight is 20/20. Given the gift of hindsight, I’d no sooner change a whole bunch of my choices. But then again, Questa e la vita, viviamo e impariamo. Such is life, we live and we learn.
But where was I? I learned. I came into 2012, putting a way the asshole and an outlook of giving my empathic self a chance. It worked, and it burned to a large extent because I was super irresponsible about my feelings and those of people around me and I loved. Lol. Safe to say the asshole is back.
I learned a whole lot more about myself. At work and at play. I learned my limitations and shortcomings. I learned a lot about choices and the effects/consequences of those choices. I also learned that there is a reason for everything; every damned thing. And because you do not know the purpose at that moment, does not make it devoid of meaning.
I am grateful because I made some of my dreams come true this year. I pushed myself to the limits and I am very pleased with the results. Even at the risk of being labelled unavailable by my friends and loved ones, I did. And it’s paying off. However, I worry. Because like a drug, success, can be largely addictive. And it kills me that I will be there for the ones I love, less and less. But I encourage myself that it’s for the greater good.
Bijou, Kikelomo, Oubong, Olubunmi, Nene, Shade, Kunmi, Amaka, and Adeola I appreciate you. You made this year beautiful.
Sam and Barb, ti amo mille volte. Voi siete più di una famiglia per me.
Jason, Tinto, and Timi; you’re the best team anyone can ask for. Y’all are too fucking brilliant, it humbles me.
Efa, Bayo and Ronke deserve special mentions. Dealing with me is supremely challenging. Your patience and love for me humbles and makes me at least try to act like a human being sometimes (Doesn’t mean my phone habit will improve though).
Abimbola. You’re beautiful. I didn’t deserve you.
To my little brother, you’re a Man now. Being yourself is so much easier. The man you’ve made your role model is still trying to figure his own way through this life. Lol. I’m imperfect, but you’ll learn a whole lot about that.
Can we hold the Jibs to this Abimbola declaration? People want to know urgently while it’s still 2012.
I’m glad I can rub shoulders with this gentle giant. We’re the same height 😀
Muyiwa will take us on his 2012 cruise by noon. Be here for the cliff jump off 🙂