My 2015 began in December 2014 when I started reading the guest reviews. I can’t really remember the exact day I joined the journey (that’s how I see the reviews), but I remember going through everyone’s stories; reading some more than once, practically feeling every emotion alongside the guests and thinking to myself ‘yeah, you are going to go through hell but you will come back with praises’ then responding to this with ‘God forbid’.
I couldn’t shake off the feeling that 2015 was going to be heavy.
So in comes January with goals that revolved around getting my Masters in Early Childhood Studies (finally) and getting married to the ‘love of my life’ by the end of the year. I mean things were not really perfect at that moment, but hey long distance relationships have their ups and downs right? LOL
3rd week of January after so much waiting and sweating and wondering about my Visa I find myself in the little town of Huddersfield in the thick of winter; different environment, new course, new friends, then the break-up.
Oh the pain, confusion, hurt and drama that comes with a lot of strangers getting up in your business.
Then there was the rebound that went horribly sour (not that I expected any different).
Then more course work and deadlines.
I kept on receiving calls from my parents, siblings and friends in Nigeria telling me I was strong (I hated that word) because I was smiling or dancing in the rain? I became a good actor (at least if my teaching career ends I have an alternative). I remember picking up my bible everyday and reading the book of Psalms, just any chapter, and crying. It didn’t make sense. (Yes o, I am one of those very emotional people). Everything was a blur, literally. But, hey I survived it I think, I am here aren’t I?
I passed my courses with “flying colours” as my teachers in Nigeria will say (colours have wings eh and what’s the link between colours and grades?)
I do not really remember when I started living again… I just realised half of the year had almost gone by, my birthday was fast approaching which meant I was getting older and still totally clueless.
The healing began, although it was slow but it began. You see I am afraid of pain, like literally afraid of pain of whatever kind but I had to go through this one, without any crutches or pain killers. And I began to grow in every sense of the word.. except being a few inches taller.. lol
It is December, would I want to go through this year again?
Nevertheless, I am confident of this that He will never leave me or forsake me.
And I am thankful!!!!
Thankful for the storms.. now I understand the scripture –
“count it all joy when you go through diverse temptations and trial”
Because without these storms I wouldn’t know how deep my faith in God can be. I have had huge moments of total doubt and unbelief but my Father kept His baby girl!
I am thankful for the friends I have made this year some of which we didn’t have a great start but we grew to understand ourselves. I am thankful for how God raised help at every point I needed help; from unexpected places. I am thankful for the support system I had; my family most especially and my friends in Nigeria.
I am thankful for the opportunity to finally discover myself ( I am still in the process but I love what I am seeing).
I am thankful for my academics ( I discovered my passion for carrying out research and arguing upandan lol).
So here I am with absolutely no plans for 2016 (yet). But I am expectant and my heart is full! No, things are not perfect oh, and I still have bouts of pain, frustration and all that, but I have learned to drop it and chill.
So I end this review with this song :
“ese ebi te ti bere
Ese ibi te bade, adupe oh Jesu
Ibi te mu wanlo”
P.S as a northern babe, I am sure I misspelt all the words, lol. But I love the meaning (thank you for what you have done, thank you for what you are doing, thank short or what you will do). I hope I am right?
She is right, right? LOL
Go girl! Your expectations will not be cut short. And who says we have to have it all figured out at the beginning of the year?