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​“To thyself be true”

When I decided to write this review, I knew what I wanted to say.

I was going to talk about the amazing year I had, then go on to wax lyrical. 

I was going to talk about how I married the man of my dreams. How he makes me feel like a princess when he tucks me into bed at night when I fall asleep on the couch and gives me forehead kisses before I drift off again. I was going to talk about how I tapped into my inner hustler and worked 3 jobs at once. #Cashmoneyrealmoney #Blessed #SomuchlovforBrunoMars #Imsogladhashtagsarestillin

Then I was going to talk about how God literally kicked me out of my 9-5 and showed up for me exactly a week later with two job offers. 

Then I was going to shalla all the awesome people who made 2016 such a good year. Getting married is such fun. You can ask your friends to do the craziest things and even though they don’t want to they do it anyway. Best.

But on the 18th of December my uncle died. 

So now I’m sitting here and all the things I wanted to write aren’t coming together in the way I wanted them to. 

There is nothing I can write that will add significant meaning to the many tomes on “Life is fickle”, but as I sit here the word “Honesty” keeps dancing around in my head. It wiggles, jiggles and alkayidas (Finally figured out how to do the cutest alkayida. Cheers 2016) and suddenly I know what to write.

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I really like this phrase from Polonius in Hamlet. Going to jump and skip past the airy fairy nonsense that this quote has become and touch upon its real meaning. 
“Take care of yourself first, and then you will be able to take care of other people”.
Apparently, a death close to home will make you dig deep. I realised that this year I tried to be as honest as possible, both with myself and with other people. I tried to walk the talk. I took my own advice. I didn’t hold life to my chest. I said what I was feeling and processed all my pent up resentment (Shalla to D and B). Fell out with a good friend and then bent over backwards to fix it. Emancipated myself completely from the unconscious but socially programmed need to compete with other women. I dealt with my pride and carrying shoulder up, not as a general way of life because what is life without a little pride, but in respect of always wanting things to be fixed in ways that benefit me.

I learnt to ask other people their side of the story. Not in a just to hear  gist, keep quiet and be like na wa ooooo type of way but, because the people you love are flawed in ways you cannot imagine. Not for them, but for me. To learn to love them not because of the pretty picture they have painted but to love them in spite of their flaws.

I  embraced the realisation that I am inherently selfish. Now I am just Self…. gotten rid of the “ish” but I think I will keep the “Sel” because what is life without its little joys and pettiness. Okay. I joke. Now, were was I? Yes……

So, 2016 was a great year. In 2017 I want to dig deeper, be more honest, be kinder, make new friends, appreciate old ones, enjoy life, fix broken things and laugh constantly. 

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